Umukija Singh and Jacqueline Mickle
How long have you been together? Jackie: We have been together since June 30, 2005.
How did you get together/meet? Umukija: We met on Black Planet, a dating website.
What made you try a dating site? Umukija: I was single at the time and a friend told me about the website so I tried it. It was my first time ever meeting somebody on the internet, but I am glad I did because I met my soul mate.
What was the initial attraction? Umukija: I was attracted to her looks. She was slender, had a flat belly and beautiful eyes. I also wanted someone younger than me who had more energy. We are 15 years apart and she keeps me young, and I help her mature. That’s why we are such a good fit. Jackie: I was attracted to her info in her profile. At that time, I was looking for a woman who had a good head on her shoulders, and I knew from her conversation that she was intelligent. She knew what she wanted. Also, I was attracted to her complexion, smile and her buttJ.
Jackie, you were specifically looking for an older woman. Why? I was looking for someone who could help me grow. I wanted to be with someone who could teach me something.
How did you know that she was “the one”? Jackie: I just knew. I can’t explain it but from the moment Iread her profile, I knew she was the one for me. Shortly after meeting her I told her I knew she was the one. She just blushed and laughed but I knew deep down inside she felt the same way. Umukija: After a while, I knew. From the way she responded to my profile, I knew she was the one because we had so much in common.
How did your friends respond to your relationship? Umukija: All of my siblings accepted my relationship, except my brother. Even my father accepted us which was a surprise because he is Muslim. My mother still has a problem with it and she constantly throws the Bible at us. My children are ok. They just want me to be happy. Jackie: Some of my so-called friends were judgmental. But my true friends were very supportive. My family is supportive of us too.
What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship? Umukija: Trust, communication, loyalty, and honesty. However, I feel that communication is the main ingredient. I always know that we can express our feelings because that is the only way that anything can be resolved. Jackie: Trust, communication, putting God first, quality time, and fun together. With Kija, I trust her and I always feel confident that her love for me is the same. I never worry when we are apart. Umukija: Loyalty is important too and we will never let one anything or anyone come between us. We know each other and we trust each other.
Discuss how you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship? Jackie: We talk until we come to a conclusion and/or agreement, and then we pray about it. We forgive our wrongs and fight for our rights. Umukija: We communicate about everything and we make decisions together. It is always teamwork.
I love the statement “We forgive our wrongs and fight for our rights”. What does that mean? Jackie: We forgive each other. If we do anything that hurts the other’s feelings, we forgive. We don’t dwell on the hurt because that hinders the relationship. We press forward and we press forward together. Also, it means that we will fight for our rights to be together. Umukija: We fight for our relationship no matters what happens. And that means that sometimes you have to cut the drama out. You can’t let anybody or anything come between you.
You mentioned teamwork. How do you function as a team? Umukija: I love that we are 50/50 all of the way. For example, if there is a bill, she pays half and I pay half. That way it is less pressure on her and less pressure on me. We have teamwork in parenting too and we don’t let the kids pit us against each other. My yes is her yes, and her no is my no.
I know that you are planning to add to your family. How did you make that decision? Jackie: We always wanted to raise a family of our own. We have love, commitment and our finances are in order so now is the time to build our family. Umukija: I already have 5 children and 3 grandchildren but Jackie doesn’t have any children. I want her to have the opportunity to raise a child. I am older but my doctors said that I am good to go. So, we are now in the process of trying to have a child.
What role does spirituality play in your relationship? Jackie: It plays a major role because our spiritual connection is what keeps us bonded. We are both God-fearing women who love the Lord. In Philippians 2:5 it says that we should have one mindset in Christ Jesus. We do. We pray together every morning, go to church together every Sunday and we both do volunteer work in church. God is the reason for our season and we love, honor, praise, and worship Him together. Umukija: It plays a major role because without God there would be no us. It plays a major role because we both love, pray and worship the Lord. We put Him first in our lives and we fellowship in church every Sunday.
What role does sensuality play in your relationship? Umukija: It plays a small role for us and it is only about 10% of our relationship. The other 90% is about love, caring, commitment, loyalty and trust. Don't get me wrong. It is an amazing feeling and she drives me wild. We both just love and enjoy our time together and that makes us fall deeper in love with each other. Jackie: It plays a minor role but it is very good when we do it; it brings us closer together. It’s like falling in love all over again. We have Dejavu (if you know what I mean). When we are sensual we take time & patience with it. It is like an art to us.
Every couple has Relationship Rules that support and strengthen their union. What are yourUmukija: We don’t spread our business. Whatever happens in the house stays in the house. We don’t stay mad at each longer than five minute. We forgive. Jackie: We kiss each other every morning and every night. Before one of steps outside the door, we say “I love you”. We always hold each other at night.
What advice would you give to other couples? Umukija: The ingredients to a long, successful relationship are communication, trust, honesty, faithfulness and consideration for each other feelings. Caring and sharing will give your relationship peace, happiness, and longevity. Jackie: Pray about every situation because God is always in control. Talk! Communication is key. Be honest to each another. Never hide anything because that causes trust issues. Never let a situation build up because it always causes chaos. And, always make time for each another. That always strengthens and keeps the relationship alive.
What has your relationship taught you most about yourself? Umukija: It has taught me that I can make sacrifices and that I am very submissive. It has taught me that I am loving, caring, patient and content. Jackie: It has taught me how to love. I use to have so much anger from my past but my wife helped me get over it. I feel free again. She also educated me about business and taught me how to be kind and good to people. I would not trade her for anything in the world. I now know the meaning of “when you got something good hold on to it” because that is exactly what I’m doing with her.
What do you most admire about her? Umukija: I admire her loyalty. She’s all about her wife. She speaks about me at work and everything. She always puts me first. Jackie: I admire her
submission. She takes care of me. She makes sure that I have what I need.
If you could thank her for 1 thing. What would that be? Jackie: I would thank her for her encouragement. She is always supportive. She also gave me encouragement while I worked through my past. Umukija: I would thank her for her support. I would thank her for being there through the good and the bad times. She was always there to see me through.
What do you want your love legacy to be? Jackie: I want people to know that we were a loving, outgoing and Christian couple. Umukija: I want people to know that we were devoted, caring and happy.
What one word describes/characterizes your love? Jackie: Phenomenal. Our relationship is 1 in a million. We stuck it out for 8years despite our age difference and other challenges. Our love is phenomenal. Umukija: Genuine. We have a special love. We spoil each other and make each other happy. We love each other unconditionally.
(Interviewed by SharRon Jamison)
We thank you for sharing your love with us at Create Love! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other couples. We wish you continued success and happiness. www.createloveforwomen.com
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Imani Evans & SharRon Jamison