HAPPY COUPLE HIGHLIGHT: Carla & Lolita

Carla Johnson and Lolita Sheriow

Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas

How long have you been together?  We meet in September of 2004 and we were married on June 29^th 2013.

How did you get together/meet?  

Lolita: We met at work. I was determined not to get involved with anyone at work but Carla pursued me. LOL

What was the initial attraction?

Lolita: I thought Carla was a stunning, extremely sexy and intelligent woman who captured my attention with intriguing conversation.  Carla: I was drawn by Lolita’s fabulous smile, her magnetic personality and her 6 pack. Oh, and she serenaded me by singing Tony Terry acapella.  And if you didn’t know, yes, my girl Lo can sing!

What made her conversation intriguing?

Lolita: She told me that I was talented and that she enjoyed my singing. She also asked me if I wanted to go happy hour, and I told her no because I had already made plans but I appreciated her aggressive and bold personality. The way she approached me got my attention. Most people are not so forward and that excited me about Carla.  Carla: It was her personality. Every day she came to work smiling and so happy to be there. Lolita has a huge unique laugh and loves to laugh and have fun, even at work. She was a supervisor so she had a great work ethic but she always had a smile on her face and that caught my attention. She also asked me to a movie and I asked her “does it have a lot of sex scenes in it”? LOL Lolita: Yes, that intrigued me too.

What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship?

Carla: The key to the success of our relationship is communication, communication and more communication. We discuss finances, sex, likes and dislikes. Each year we evaluate the relationship and tell each other what was good and what actions or issues we don’t want to see anymore. We then recommit to each other to make those adjustments. Lolita: We also treat each other with respect by understanding that we are still individuals with our own identities and hobbies. We make sure to spend quality time together and have sex often. Another important key is our commitment to each other. We make decisions that will enhance our relationship and not tear it down.

What decisions do you feel enhanced your partnership?

Carla: One decision we made was to buy a house. That was a commitment to each other and to our relationship; it made us closer.  We also made the decision to create personalized legal documents listing each other as executor of our estate. By creating a will, we are making sure that if something ever happens to one of us that there are no issues and/or questions about what we want. We made sure to have things on paper in preparation for anything.  Lolita: We just didn’t talk about being a couple; we were determined to show that we were committed. We know if anything happens to one of us that business is taken care of.

Discuss how you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship:  Lolita: We face challenges in our relationship by keeping it real with each other; we make an effort to honestly communicate our feelings no matter how hurtful or disappointing they may be. That is the only way to learn from our mistakes - by admitting them first. Also, we don’t let unsettled issues linger for long. Carla: We make effort to talk about our issues until we come to an agreement of what the real issue is then address it. We are open to having those conversations even if they are hard. Lolita: We have always been able to talk and discuss the hard issues. We are able to put everything on the table and make the necessary changes to make things right. Carla: The things we say are said “with love” and that we are not being malicious.  We also trust each other. Lolita meets a lot of people through the business so I have to trust her. For us, trust is measured by matching your actions with your words to determine if they are consistent and we have been consistent with each other for the last 8years.Lolita: We just faced a major challenge recently. I lost my aunt and uncle due to arson and it was absolutely traumatic and devastating for my family. Carla was and has been my rock. She has been very attentive to me and always makes sure that I am ok.

Admitting mistakes are hard. How does your relationship support mistakes without retribution? Carla: That’s a good question because it’s human nature to want to hurt someone who hurts you but we talk about those feelings. We are both vulnerable with each other and that’s the only way to have a true relationship. Lolita: It is important to identify your mistakes and admit them. Then be willing to make the necessary changes. If you value your relationship and yourself, you will make those wrong things right. 

What role does spirituality play in your relationship? Lolita: Spirituality is important in our relationship. We pray together and support each other in our journey to have a stronger personal relationship with God. We both have backgrounds in church and we made sure we get a word. Carla: We talk about the services and hold each other accountable. We also pray together often.

You still enjoy sex with each other. So many lesbians succumb to “Lesbian Bed Death”. How do you keep the spark alive? Lolita: I am a LeoJ. I am very spontaneous. I like to role-play and I love to talk nasty. I like to catch her off guard. I also believe that it is important to do the small things that you did in the beginning often. For example, every morning I tell her that I love her and that I need her. Sometimes I tell her 3 or 4 times a day that I love her. A combination of those things keeps me excited and attracted to her and vice versa. Carla: I make a conscious decision to accept her spontaneity and affection and reciprocate that back to her. We also try to have sex in new and different places. That keeps it exciting. Lolita: When we go to a new restaurant or something we just disappear. Now our friends will know what we are doingJ.

Growth sometimes equals change. How do you manage change emotionally, spiritually and intellectually? Carla: We went through change when she wanted to start a real estate business. She presented a business plan to me and included me as owner of the business on all the documents and that was important to me because it showed me that she had researched the business and had a plan of action. We also understand that we can agree to disagree and move on. Lolita: We don’t say “You did this so I can do that”. We say “this is what I want to do and this is why”.

Every relationship has Relationship Rules that support the union. What are your relationship rules? Lolita: We don’t stay mad at each other. That’s one of our golden rules. We talk until we agree or agree to disagree. That way we both can sleep peacefully.  Carla: We may have a lot of late nightsJ. Peace is not about everything being resolved. It is about getting out all of your feelings about the issue. We also created boundaries that we both agreed on for dealing with ex’s or crushes.  Lolita: We have rules around social media; we have each other’s passwords and follow the rule- if you don’t want it done to you, don’t do it to me. Carla: Also, we don’t come between our families. We are both family oriented.

What do you most admire about her? Lolita: Her ability to be faithful, loving and committed to me. That’s especially rare in this day and age. And because of that, it makes me love her more and motivates me to be a better partner. Carla: She has been consistent over the 8 years. I am older and I didn’t think that she was ready for a commitment. But she has shown me that she is. From the beginning she told me “hold on, we are going places and we are going to do things”. And we have. She has always chosen me and us. All of her decisions have been for the betterment of us.

What has your relationship taught you most about yourself?

Lolita: It has taught me how to communicate better, not keep things inside. It has taught me to share my feelings more. Carla: It has taught me not to sweat the small stuff and my relationship should not be everything to my happiness and that I should pursue the things that I love to do in life.

 If you could thank her for 1 thing. What would that be? Carla: I would thank her for showing me a new way of thinking about life and ways to be financial independent. I’ve always been shy but through her love and encouragement she has helped me come out of my shell. She has always told me throughout our entire relationship (tears from all three of us) to hold on, you haven’t seen nothing yet. She still says that to this day.  Lolita: I would thank her for choosing me because she didn’t have to. She could have anyone else she wanted because she is beautiful not only physically, but she is giving and so loving. She could have chosen someone else, but she chose me.

What 1 word describes/characterizes your relationship? Lolita: Real: It’s real because of our openness and faithfulness to each other. We both have the ability to discuss, share and talk about the difficult topics and most relationships can’t. Carla: Caliente (HOTT): We have always been told that we give out sexually energy when we are together.

What advice would you give to other couples?

Carla: 1. You must be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be at peace.

2. You can’t control everything your partner does, you have to trust them.

Lolita: 3. Give your partner the opportunity to grow and make mistakes.

4. Be willing to accept your own faults and understand that nobody is perfect.

You can also find Carla and Lolita at the following website:

www.LesbianRelationships.net

(Interviewed by SharRon Jamison)

We thank you for sharing your love with us at Create Love! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other couples.  We wish you continued success and happiness. www.createloveforwomen.com

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Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison