Monday, April 8, 2013

HAPPY COUPLE HIGHLIGHT: Lisa and Alisa

HAPPY COUPLE HIGHLIGHT
Lisa D. Bowie and Alisa D. Perdue

How long have you been together?  
Lisa and I have been together 11 years, almost seven years married.

How did you get together/meet?
We met as co-workers at Lanier, where we both worked in the Benefits Department.

What was the initial attraction?
ALISA- I was attracted by her inner and outer beauty, her intellect and the way she had of “seeing me,” really seeing me for who I was. I am not what most would consider outgoing and I was a single mother who had been in a pretty bad relationship and was very guarded and cynical about relationships. Lisa was able to see beyond all of that “baggage” and see the real me. It had been hidden for a very long time and she brought out all the best in me. That was what attracted me most about her. I was a “goner” from just about the moment I laid eyes on her. I first saw her when I was coming off an elevator at a job interview and I thought she was beautiful.

LISA- Not only did I think Alisa beautiful, but her level of intellect was equally as captivating. Initially I would not allow myself to entertain any thoughts of Alisa, as I believed she was “straight.” LOL! I thought that she had the make-up of someone who could be a good friend. I also wondered what happened to her. That put me in a friend mode as well  because I wanted her to have someone to talk to. It would take one of my friends to tell me she initially liked me.
  
What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship?
ALISA- I would say honesty, acceptance and mutual interests. First and foremost we completely trust each other and it is that kind of trust that is key in a relationship. We accept and love each other for who we are; we don’t try to change each other and we’re not worried that maybe there’s someone better out there, as too many couples often are. Last, the key to our success is that whenever we have “downtime” from our jobs, we have similar interests and truly enjoy not only each other’s company but the things we choose to do or places we go.  LISA- Our level of honesty, openness and willingness to see the other’s point of view, as well as maintaining a mutual respect for one another, coupled with the ability to laugh a lot.


Many couples struggle around acceptance. How did you embrace “acceptance?"
LISA:  Alisa has never tried to change anything about me. She always accepted me.  I have even done things just to see how she would respond, but she never changed. ALISA: I have learned that the person you get in a relationship with does not always turn out to be the same person you thought they were. This has never been the case with Lisa. She is and continues to be the same person I fell in love with.  I love Lisa and everything about her. I have been in relationships where I had to be someone I wasn’t to maintain the relationship. That didn’t make me feel good about myself and it was very damaging to my self-esteem.

Discuss how you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship?  ALISA- As much as we love each other, no relationship is perfect, whether the challenges are between the two of us (which are rare) or from outside forces or people we can’t control (which happens more frequently in our case). Whatever the challenge and wherever it comes from, we deal with it with openness and honesty, realizing that in loving each other we do the best we can to either overcome the challenges or ride the storm until it passes. Some might think I sometimes wear “rose-colored glasses,” but I love Lisa completely and she means the world to me, so I’m willing to talk things through with her, do the best I can to do my part in facing our challenges either together or individually when the occasion calls for me to do so. No matter how difficult that may be at times, the alternative of us not being together for whatever reason is enough for me, for us, to face any challenges that come our way and possibly threaten our relationship.

LISA- As cliché as it may sound communication.  Alisa and I realized from the onset if there was a problem not much can be accomplished without talking about it. Although, we have been fortunate in that we have not had many challenging situations (that involve us directly any way), on those rare occasions we may not see eye-to-eye we always possess the ability to discuss things in a mature manner, grounded in love.  Our disagreements are not viewed as opportunities to hurt one another, but to make us stronger together as one.

Many couples struggle with communication. How did you develop your ability to “communicate in love”?: LISA: I have a confidant in my brother. He is a very grounded, inspiring person. My brother told me when communication is the intention that it should never be done in malice. I also try not to project something I feel about myself onto her. I have my stuff, but if there is something that I want to say, I will. We know each other so well so we know when we need to talk.  With Alisa I feel that there is nothing that I cannot say, as long as it is said in love. ALISA: I have had people tell me that I keep too much inside and that sometimes that’s not a good thing to do. My past made me guarded and reluctant to communicate or trust others – for quite some time before I met Lisa I felt I could only trust myself with my heart, if you know what I mean? When I met Lisa and our relationship started as a friendship, attraction, passion and love. As our relationship grew, so did my ability to trust in and communicate with her. Communication has never been a problem or struggle with us, probably because we both know from experience how important that is in a relationship. It comes easy between us; all couples have their struggles, including us, but fortunately communication isn’t one for us.
 
What role does spirituality play in your relationship? ALISA- Although we were both raised in the church and our parents are grounded in their religions, we don’t regularly attend church. That being said, we are both believers in our faith and are spiritual. While we would be open to finding and calling a church “home,” we don’t need this to be grounded in our beliefs. We find strength in each other and in our faith, both playing important roles in keeping our relationship on solid ground. LISA- If you are asking if Alisa and I go to church, the answer is no, not on a regular basis. Yet, we are both believers. Although we consider ourselves to be Christians, both having been raised in the Baptist Church, we now consider ourselves to be more non-denominational and spiritual more than anything.

What role does sensuality play in your relationship? ALISA-When we met each other we were both very much physically attracted to each other. As all relationships start out, this attraction was a big part of our relationship developing and growing. We are both sensual in our own ways, and bringing ideas and experiences that may be different or new to one or both of us was and still is exciting. This is important in our relationship, in all relationships, especially the longer you are with someone. We have changed, as we all do as we mature; we see and experience things differently. But what has remained the same is that we love each other, love being together; when we are together it’s sensual, passionate and satisfying; it means a lot in our relationship and I am committed to nurturing and developing it and making the intimate moments I’m with Lisa as sensual as possible. LISA- There are times I wish our physical relationship resembled the earlier part of our relationship. However, I recognize that Alisa and I have both changed as we have matured, as well as become busier in our careers. This can impede the best intentions in the bedroom, but it’s not from a lack of desire or trying. I simply can’t get enough of her!

How do you keep the flames going, and not succumb to lesbian bed death? ALISA: It is important for both of us. We are both sensual – that was part of what attracted us. But it is a challenge with our schedules. But, we try not to let something become a habit. We have date nights and movie nights and long weekends out of town when we can because it is important to surprise your wife and be creative. That’s what I love about Lisa. She is in tune to what I like and she makes an effort to do those things. LISA: You get to a point in your relationship where that is not the most important thing. And intimacy can mean a lot of different things. It doesn’t need to always involve the actual act and it does not always need to end up in the bed. Sometimes it may involve Alisa just lounging around in something I find sexy and I get the pleasure of seeing her in it. It could happen in the bathtub when we are able to wash away the cares of the day and get in touch with what’s going on in our individual worlds. That is a different type of intimacy. ALISA: I love to take a bath with music playing in the background, with candles and have a glass of wine with Lisa. I enjoy those moments.

How do you remind her daily that you love her? LISA: I work from home so when she leaves for work, I tell her that I love her. There is never a time when she leaves and does not hear those words. We are together a lot of the time so when she is gone, I look forward to her coming home. When she is gone, I want her to know that she is missed. ALISA: I don’t ever leave home in the morning without telling her that I love her. I also find other ways to say or show her that I love her too.

What do you most admire about her?: LISA: I most admire her ability to juggle so many things.  She has a son and aging parents and they are very demanding. She gives a lot of herself to so many people but she is always very composed. I try to assure her that it is ok if one of the balls drops sometimes because I will be there for her. ALISA: I admire that she is very grounded. The way that she can persevere and maintain her space and resolve is amazing. Lisa has gone through a lot of challenges –personal and professional – and has not wavered. I admire her commitment and intellect. I have never met someone who commits to someone the way Lisa commits to me.

What has your relationship taught you most about yourself?
ALISA- It has taught me that I’m not perfect, that I have and will continue to make some mistakes in life, but that if my heart and intentions are good, it’s okay. Before I met Lisa I was in a relationship that damaged my trust in other people, especially those I was in a relationship with. I questioned my judgment, inner strength and confidence, outer beauty. I was cynical and untrusting. I had convinced myself that I was better off on my own. No one could break through those walls until I met Lisa. She showed me who I was, who I could be, what we could have together. She taught me to trust and love again, not only others but myself. Every day I’m thankful that she’s in my life. I love her unconditionally, completely and honestly. It is my relationship with Lisa that has taught me this about myself.

LISA- Being with Alisa has taught me that it’s possible to find true and unconditional love even after the hurt and pain of previous relationships. In short it is possible to love and trust someone again and know they always have your best interest at heart.

What advice would you give to other couples?
ALISA- Be honest with each other. If you are a couple and say you love each other, mean that unconditionally, without exceptions and without stipulations that things get better or that they have to change. If you think you may be going into a relationship thinking things might get better or change over time, that’s a recipe for disaster. If you love each other, weather the tough times together. It just makes the good times even better. Recognize that the longer you’re with someone, circumstances, time, and many other things cause us to mature or evolve in some ways. This can be a good thing. If you love each other, if you are committed to each other, if you see this person as your best friend, your lover and your soulmate, as I do Lisa, then anything can be accomplished, overcome or sustained. Enjoy each other, trust each other, support, encourage and love each other, this would be my advice.

LISA- I would tell couples, first and foremost always be honest. The lack of honesty will certainly undermine any relationship. Followed by be careful not to get stuck in a routine! While the stability of a routine can be
somewhat comforting, it can also be a death sentence for a relationship. Avoiding monotonous routines will aide in a relationship’s ability to possess a bit of excitement.  Remain open to the growth of your relationship and where that might take you and understand that may change from time to time and that’s okay. Your relationship changes as you and your partner both change; this type of change is inevitable.

Complete this sentence: I love her because…….. ALISA: I love Lisa because she loves me for who I am. LISA: I love Alisa because of her ability to commit to me and to our relationship.

What one word/describes your love and/or relationship: ALISA: Everything. Because to me, Lisa is everything that I have looked for and hoped to find in someone. She is my everything. LISA: Comfort. Because of her ability to commit to me and this relationship. Alisa is so unselfish and there is never a time when I think that she will not be by my side. That gives me comfort.

As a couple, what do you hope your legacy will be? LISA: Alisa and I, once we really figured out what was going on, we were not afraid to be vulnerable with each other because of our level of trust. ALISA: If you find someone you truly love, as long as you are accepting of that person, you can have something that lasts a lifetime.

(Interviewed by SharRon Jamison)

Thank you for sharing your love with us here at Create Love For Women! We honor and appreciate you Lisa and Alisa.

Imani Evans
Creator & Co-Founder

SharRon Jamison
Co-Founder

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