SHARE YOUR LOVE: Kesha & Carol

HAPPY COUPLE HIGHLIGHT: 

Kesha McKnight and Carol McKnight

How long have you been together?  Kesha: We have been together since November 18, 2005 a total of 7 years, 1 month and 13 days. Carol: This is the day our souls connected and we have not been apart emotionally since. We were married on April 11, 2010.

How did you get together/meet?

Carol & Kesha: We met at a mutual friend's Halloween Party.

What did that feel like? What did you feel the need to explore? Carol: I never had feelings for a woman before. There was something that was so mysterious about Kesha that I knew I needed to explore and find out what it was. Kesha: I didn’t feel anything at the party, but I was captivated by her. When she danced behind me, it sent something through me. It was subtle, yet powerful. After the party, I wanted to get in touch with her so I asked the host of the party who was the pirate. (Carol was dressed in a pirate costume that night J).

What was the initial attraction? Carol: I didn’t know, but I was intrigued by her look and her behavior. Kesha: She was graceful and her sway was mesmerizing.

Both of you were married to men, how did you realize that you were gay? Carol: In the past with men I felt like something was missing. However, with Kesha I felt like I had everything. When we were first intimate, I wanted to tell her I loved her. I said, “I know you are going to think that I’m crazy, but I have an over-powering feeling to tell you that I love you”. I had never been pleased on that level. I felt a strong connection and the feelings I had couldn’t be suppressed. Kesha: I had butterflies in my stomach the first time we were intimate - our expressions were so intense. I couldn’t shake those feelings. I had a strong desire to protect and please Carol. I was not afraid to love Carol holistically with my body, my mind and my spirit. When she told me she loved me, I felt a strong sense of security that she was someone I could love unconditionally. It felt as if I was in a dream; it didn’t feel real. I asked myself, how could this love I never felt for anyone so powerfully be so perfect? Then it was clear, I knew that I would never be without her love again. At that moment, I knew we would be connected for life.

What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship?

Carol: The key to the success of our relationship is that both of us are committed to our growth, not only of our relationship but personal growth as well. We do the work and we put in what we want to come out. Kesha: The key to success in our relationship is that we both exercise compassion and that we both communicate with a humble spirit.

What do you mean by “exercising compassion”? Kesha: My love language is words of affirmation so communicating with compassion means to have compassion for what I am going through at a particular time. It means that I need to know that I am heard and understood in a compassionate way. That’s important to me partly because when I grew up I felt like I didn’t have a voice.

What do you mean by “putting in the work”?  Carol: To continue to grow personally. To always be growing, learning and being vulnerable. We are both committed to growing. That’s what makes our relationship better. We also really challenge each other. For example, Kesha taught me to be more vulnerable. She has helped me do that because she makes me feel safe. She doesn’t use information that I share with her against me. We are there for each other in our weaknesses. We remind each other to grow.

Discuss how you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship?

Carol: We deal with our challenges head on with love, understanding and compassion. Kesha: We deal with and face challenges in our relationship when we keep loving each other through the storms, when we open up and talk about our fears, and when we put together a plan as soon as we can to overcome our pain, disappointment and adversity

What role does spirituality play in your relationship? Kesha: Spirituality plays a very important role in our relationship and it's what keeps us grounded and quiets our egos. For example, my ego said that I am supposed to have a child. I’ve learn that having a child doesn’t make me who I am. I am still a whole person even without that experience. Carol: Spirituality plays a huge role in our relationship as this is what grounds us. It is the foundation from which we pull from in both the good times and more challenging times. We have to go back and remember who we are. In challenging times, we are moved in different directions. When we go back to what we know to be true, that is what gets us through the challenging times.

How do you remind/affirm your love to each other? Kesha: I tell Carol every day that she is beautiful and how much I love her. Carol: She never lets me suffer through anything; she always offers to help me. In my previous relationship with a man, it was always about roles and about what a woman should and should not do. We don’t have that in our relationship and it is less pressure and stress. Kesha: I pay close attention to her being overwhelmed. I am very protective of her emotions. So if there is anything that I can do to alleviate stress I do it. Carol: I tell her that I love her daily.  She loves to express her feelings so I try to be a good listener. I remind her that she is needed and doing the right thing. Kesha: She’s the best listener in the world and that’s healing for me when I can use my voice and know that I am being heard and understood.

What is the most romantic or loving thing that she has done for you? Carol: Her proposal. She proposed to me on February 13, 2008. She was coaching a little league basketball team at the time and she wanted me to attend her banquet. I wasn’t too happy because it was Friday and I had to come straight from work with jeans on. I made my way to the place where the banquet was being held and she met me at the car. I was irritable, but she wanted to be lovey dovey and hold my hand. I started walking I realized that the banquet location was really a bed and breakfast. We had the entire place to ourselves. She opened the door and there were rose pedals, candles, champagne and a teddy bear. It was beautiful. We had dinner and we took a bath. Then she got down on both knees and read the poem. After that, she asked me to be her wife. I broke down and cried. The next day on Valentine’s Day we went to pick out wedding rings. 

Kesha: We just completed our 3^rd IVF attempt. It was emotionally and physically challenging. I was hurt and disappointed when it failed again. I was angry and I did not want to try anymore. I said to Carol maybe in the future we can adopt a child. Carol said no, I will have your baby! Her response blew me away! We had just completed our 3^rd attempt where Carol carried my eggs and that didn’t work. So then she offered to use her own eggs in what would be our 4^th attempt to have a baby. We really expected the IVF to work this last time, but instead we got negative results and that was devastating. The doctor told us that our expected due date would be next summer on July 26^th. Ironically, our grandson was born this past summer on July 26^th . Our grandson’s birth was a spiritual sign that we are supposed to be here to help raise our grandchild.  What a beautiful way for me to experience motherhood and I know for sure that my wife will do anything to make me happy. She has proven her love for me in a way that I never would have dreamed of and it’s the most loving thing that anyone has ever done for me.

What role does sensuality play in your relationship? Kesha: Sensuality and mutual attraction is the foundation of our love, it is the reason why we fell in love and why we still find refuge in each other’s arms and hearts. Carol: Sensuality is key; this is where it all began for us.  This is where we feel the safest and the closest when we are in each other’s arms. Kesha: I like to use the word homosensuality to describe my relationship with Carol versus homosexuality. I am not focused on what sex she is but rather what’s in her heart. We are the same spirit and that is what attracted me to her love. Her nurturing and emotional beauty is so profound for me. So if anyone were to ask, I would clearly respond that I am a homoSENSUAL! J

Since you had never been intimate with a woman before, how did you know what to do? Kesha: It was the best night of my life. I knew what to do and I did a great job. J The fulfillment I got in pleasing Carol was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was phenomenal! Carol: It felt so natural that it was a little scary. Knowing what to do came easy. That to me was a sign of where I needed to be.

What did you have to learn/unlearn to be together? Carol: I had to learn to be more compassionate. Sometimes, I would be more like a man and I didn’t express a lot of emotion. Kesha taught me to be more compassionate. I also had to learn to be more vulnerable. I had to learn to allow her to see my feelings, and I had to learn to recognize my feelings so that she could see them. Kesha: I had to un-learn that I didn’t have to be perfect. Because of my childhood, I thought everything had to be perfect. I also had to learn to be more accepting of my family even when they don’t express compassion. When I am hurt or disappointed, she taught me not to go into my shell. She taught me how to love my way through it. I am a solution-oriented person and I like to fix things. She has taught me that some things are not mine to fix. She is good at that. Carol has taught me to let it go.

You are not only partners in love, but you are also partners in business. Tell me about Euphoria Affairs. Carol: We are a wedding planning business that specializes in same gender loving weddings. We started our business based on our experiences planning our own wedding. We experienced some rejection and we faced challenges with vendors. There were people who didn’t appreciate or celebrate our love.  We want to protect our community and prevent our clients from having to face those same challenges. Kesha: We had a wonderful time planning our wedding. Now, we play an important and active role in assisting our clients with their wedding selections. We safeguard our clients by choosing vendors who support our community. Working together as business partners compliments our marriage. Our roles are determined by our strengths. It all comes together like a romantic production. Carol is the Producer,

I am the Director and our clients have the starring roles. We strategically carry out the vision of our clients and we’re very passionate at what we do.

What word characterizes your relationship: Carol: United. There is no challenge, situation, or person that can break us apart. Our love is just too strong for that. Kesha: Committed. We are committed to making our relationship work, not just for us, but for what our love contributes to the universe. I want to be the example and allow the universe to use us in a special way. Loving each other in our relationship is a bonus.

What advice would you give to other couples:  Kesha: Your relationship is a reflection of yourself. Therefore, it typically shows you what you need to work on and what can be celebrated.

Carol: Be true to yourself in everything that you do, make sure you are in your relationship for the right reasons, to BE what it is you DESIRE in a relationship, allow yourself to be vulnerable, be willing to grow and just LOVE! 
(Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)

See more about Kesha and Carol's company, Euphoria Affairs: www.euphoriaaffairs.com and http://www.facebook.com/euphoriaaffairs

We are grateful to Kesha and Carol for sharing your amazing love with us at Create Love for Women Who Love Women! We will see you at the Create Love Conference on February 16th! www.createloveforwomen.com

Imani Evans, MA

Creator/Co-Founder

(CEO of Women Healing Women, Inc.)

SharRon Jamison, MBA

Co-Founder

(Author of I Can Depend On Me)