Carsini Brooks
from Rockhill, South Carolina
Since you have
been single, what have you learned about yourself? Being single has allowed me to take the
time to acknowledge and embrace my
likes/dislikes; enhance my
strengths; focus on my weaknesses, desires, passions, imperfections and fears.
I have learned that it is ok to be me, my imperfectly perfect self.
What are you doing
now to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship? At this point in my life I am focused on being a “better me” which in
turn will prepare me for not only a relationship, but life’s challenges as
well. I am surrounding myself with the right people/couples who will provide constructive
criticism and support as needed and who genuinely care for me and my well
being. I am also reading various literature and engaging in open discussions with
friends, couples, mentors and life coaches. I do this to obtain mixture of
views/knowledge/concepts/opinions that will give me insight and help me make
better choices and/or decisions. To sum it up, I am learning how to enjoy life.
What books have
you found most helpful? I gravitate toward books that help me on a professional level. I have an
open-window of training opportunities at my job and I try to incorporate and
apply what I learn on a professional level to my personal life. In our training
sessions we are encouraged to think about our personal life skills and
experiences which allows me to address issues of my past relationships with my
family, friends and people I have dated. I realize that I have been successful
in my professional life, but I have failed on a personal level.
I have read Crucial Conversations, Crucial Conflicts and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
From those books, what most resonated with you? From the 7 Habits,
I like the statement “Begin with the End in Mind”. Before I get into relationships, I
now ask myself “where is this going” and “are we compatible”? Sometimes we miss the red flags but now I
take my time to really get to know the person. In my past, I sometimes got
involved with people who were not good for me.
What areas do you tend to struggle with most in relationships? I have the
tendency to ignore signs and not follow my instincts. There were several occasions that I
knew/felt that the person and/or situation was not for me; yet I gave the individuals the benefit of
the doubt and convinced myself that I was being open minded. I do not have any regrets; however, moving
forward I have vowed not to put myself in the same situation(s).
Our experiences
are similar. If our guts said no, why do we say yes? I think that it is our nature; women are
nurturers. We want to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Even though the
signs are there, we still try. I am now trying to embrace the statement – “when
people show you who they are, believe them”.
Also, I am
now asking different questions. I ask myself questions like “will this person
compliment me in life”. I have learned that I need to see the bigger pictures.
With the exception in my last relationship, I had to push and motivate people.
Now I want a partner who will challenge me to be better. I want someone who
will also motivate me.
What
characteristics and traits do you find most compatible? Which ones are most problematic and why? I am most compatible with someone who is
good communicator in every aspect (can speak in any given situation and use
proper English), genuine, open minded, loyal, dependable, career and family
oriented, confident, and sensual. Characteristics that I find problematic are
as follows: immaturity, dishonesty, irresponsible, non communicator; a person
who is loud, exceedingly flirtatious, insecure, selfish and self centered. At
this stage in my life, I am very much aware of my wants and desires. The above
problematic characteristics do not coincide with what I desire in my future
partner.
What do you
love about love? I love that
fact that love is tangible; it is real. And with the right person it can be
magical.
What do you mean
by love being tangible? Even though my experience has not been the best, I still feel that
love is in my grasp. I still believe in love at first sight. When the right
person shows up, you will know it and you will feel it.
What has
being in a relationship taught you about you? Being in a relationship has made me aware
of the following characteristics about myself: I am very assertive, passionate,
giving and loving. When in relationship, I am observant and very attentive to
my partner’s needs; I aim to please.
We learn
about ourselves in our relationships. What areas of growth or development did
you identify? I have learned that when I sense something,
take heed. I have also learned that I need to get better at communicating my
feelings. I need to learn to take my time and not rush into
relationships. Learn to just let it flow so it is healthy. I now use the “90
Day Rule” to make sure I see what’s going on. That’s important because people
can only put on a façade for so long. I try not to get emotionally involved
during that time too which makes it easier to walk away. In previous courtships I would get
emotionally and physically involved too quickly which made it hard to accept
the fact that I needed to move on when it was clear that the relationship was
no longer an option.
What do you
admire about yourself? I admire my determination, my willingness to try and fail in order to
succeed, and my ability to lead/guide and direct.
How would
your friends describe you? Okay! I
will admit that I cheated on this question and asked my friends. My friends
would describe me a passionate, enthusiastic, punctual, ambitious, intelligent,
trustworthy, diligent, dependable, loyal, outgoing, courteous, competent, kind
hearted and direct.
Based on
your pictures, most would think that you were extremely feminine, but you are
not. How has that affected your dating life? I am approached by fems and studs. I
am honest and tell them that I prefer fems. Even though I look fem and if I had to put a label on myself, I would
say I am a soft stud. But if you ask me
what I am, I am a woman. I really don’t do labels.
What do you
like to do for fun and why? I like to work out, spend time with family and friends, dance, and travel. The aforementioned takes me
away from the demands of life’s daily hassle and hustle. I feel as though it is
necessary to create a balanced life; it helps me feel calm, grounded, and keeps
me motivated. In addition, it also, helps me relax, redirect, release, relate,
and make new memories with family and friends.
What is
your love language and how did you learn that about yourself? My love language is Quality Time. My motto is and has always been that actions speak louder than words. I
do not need one’s words, gifts, or services. When someone spends time with you
they are essentially giving you a part of their life and that speaks volume to
me. It is the one thing that you cannot take back; it is an action that is
done only if one desires to do so. And, it is frequently accompanied by the
Physical Touch.
Finish this sentence…..before I die I want
to travel various
parts of Europe.
How
important is spirituality to you? Spirituality is essential for the health of the mind, body, and soul. Spirituality
helps me see the beauty in life which directly affects my happiness; it helps
me cope with stress. It is the reason
why I subconsciously changed my way of life in regards to my health and eating
habits and it is one important ingredient to my anti-aging formulaJ.
What important lesson did you learn from
your mother that has helped you in life and in relationships? In life – Nothing in life is free; hard
work and determination is a must in order to succeed at any given
task/goal. Be prepared to stand and
fight for what you love and believe - if you do
not stand for something you will fall for anything.
In
relationships - Never lose yourself in the process of
finding and/or falling in love.
(Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)
We thank you for sharing your
journey of happiness in singlehood! Your story will encourage, inspire and
uplift other singles. We wish you continued success and happiness. www.createloveforwomen.com
Create Love -- Founders
Imani Evans and SharRon
Jamison
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