Carsini Brooks from Rockhill, South Carolina
Since you have been single, what have you learned about yourself? Being single has allowed me to take the time to acknowledge and embrace my likes/dislikes; enhance my strengths; focus on my weaknesses, desires, passions, imperfections and fears. I have learned that it is ok to be me, my imperfectly perfect self.
What are you doing now to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship? At this point in my life I am focused on being a “better me” which in turn will prepare me for not only a relationship, but life’s challenges as well. I am surrounding myself with the right people/couples who will provide constructive criticism and support as needed and who genuinely care for me and my well being. I am also reading various literature and engaging in open discussions with friends, couples, mentors and life coaches. I do this to obtain mixture of views/knowledge/concepts/opinions that will give me insight and help me make better choices and/or decisions. To sum it up, I am learning how to enjoy life.
What books have you found most helpful? I gravitate toward books that help me on a professional level. I have an open-window of training opportunities at my job and I try to incorporate and apply what I learn on a professional level to my personal life. In our training sessions we are encouraged to think about our personal life skills and experiences which allows me to address issues of my past relationships with my family, friends and people I have dated. I realize that I have been successful in my professional life, but I have failed on a personal level.
I have read Crucial Conversations, Crucial Conflicts and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
From those books, what most resonated with you? From the 7 Habits, I like the statement “Begin with the End in Mind”. Before I get into relationships, I now ask myself “where is this going” and “are we compatible”? Sometimes we miss the red flags but now I take my time to really get to know the person. In my past, I sometimes got involved with people who were not good for me.
What areas do you tend to struggle with most in relationships? I have the tendency to ignore signs and not follow my instincts. There were several occasions that I knew/felt that the person and/or situation was not for me; yet I gave the individuals the benefit of the doubt and convinced myself that I was being open minded. I do not have any regrets; however, moving forward I have vowed not to put myself in the same situation(s).
Our experiences are similar. If our guts said no, why do we say yes? I think that it is our nature; women are nurturers. We want to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Even though the signs are there, we still try. I am now trying to embrace the statement – “when people show you who they are, believe them”.
Also, I am now asking different questions. I ask myself questions like “will this person compliment me in life”. I have learned that I need to see the bigger pictures. With the exception in my last relationship, I had to push and motivate people. Now I want a partner who will challenge me to be better. I want someone who will also motivate me.
What characteristics and traits do you find most compatible? Which ones are most problematic and why? I am most compatible with someone who is good communicator in every aspect (can speak in any given situation and use proper English), genuine, open minded, loyal, dependable, career and family oriented, confident, and sensual. Characteristics that I find problematic are as follows: immaturity, dishonesty, irresponsible, non communicator; a person who is loud, exceedingly flirtatious, insecure, selfish and self centered. At this stage in my life, I am very much aware of my wants and desires. The above problematic characteristics do not coincide with what I desire in my future partner.
What do you love about love? I love that fact that love is tangible; it is real. And with the right person it can be magical.
What do you mean by love being tangible? Even though my experience has not been the best, I still feel that love is in my grasp. I still believe in love at first sight. When the right person shows up, you will know it and you will feel it.
What has being in a relationship taught you about you? Being in a relationship has made me aware of the following characteristics about myself: I am very assertive, passionate, giving and loving. When in relationship, I am observant and very attentive to my partner’s needs; I aim to please.
We learn about ourselves in our relationships. What areas of growth or development did you identify? I have learned that when I sense something, take heed. I have also learned that I need to get better at communicating my feelings. I need to learn to take my time and not rush into relationships. Learn to just let it flow so it is healthy. I now use the “90 Day Rule” to make sure I see what’s going on. That’s important because people can only put on a façade for so long. I try not to get emotionally involved during that time too which makes it easier to walk away. In previous courtships I would get emotionally and physically involved too quickly which made it hard to accept the fact that I needed to move on when it was clear that the relationship was no longer an option.
What do you admire about yourself? I admire my determination, my willingness to try and fail in order to succeed, and my ability to lead/guide and direct.
How would your friends describe you? Okay! I will admit that I cheated on this question and asked my friends. My friends would describe me a passionate, enthusiastic, punctual, ambitious, intelligent, trustworthy, diligent, dependable, loyal, outgoing, courteous, competent, kind hearted and direct.
Based on your pictures, most would think that you were extremely feminine, but you are not. How has that affected your dating life? I am approached by fems and studs. I am honest and tell them that I prefer fems. Even though I look fem and if I had to put a label on myself, I would say I am a soft stud. But if you ask me what I am, I am a woman. I really don’t do labels.
What do you like to do for fun and why? I like to work out, spend time with family and friends, dance, and travel. The aforementioned takes me away from the demands of life’s daily hassle and hustle. I feel as though it is necessary to create a balanced life; it helps me feel calm, grounded, and keeps me motivated. In addition, it also, helps me relax, redirect, release, relate, and make new memories with family and friends.
What is your love language and how did you learn that about yourself? My love language is Quality Time. My motto is and has always been that actions speak louder than words. I do not need one’s words, gifts, or services. When someone spends time with you they are essentially giving you a part of their life and that speaks volume to me. It is the one thing that you cannot take back; it is an action that is done only if one desires to do so. And, it is frequently accompanied by the Physical Touch.
How important is spirituality to you? Spirituality is essential for the health of the mind, body, and soul. Spirituality helps me see the beauty in life which directly affects my happiness; it helps me cope with stress. It is the reason why I subconsciously changed my way of life in regards to my health and eating habits and it is one important ingredient to my anti-aging formulaJ.
What important lesson did you learn from your mother that has helped you in life and in relationships? In life – Nothing in life is free; hard work and determination is a must in order to succeed at any given task/goal. Be prepared to stand and fight for what you love and believe - if you do not stand for something you will fall for anything.
In relationships - Never lose yourself in the process of finding and/or falling in love.
(Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)
We thank you for sharing your journey of happiness in singlehood! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other singles. We wish you continued success and happiness. www.createloveforwomen.com
Create Love -- Founders
Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison