Tuesday, October 9, 2012

SHARE YOUR LOVE: Happy Couple Highlight III



Beautiful Couple:  
Dodie Robinson and Leta Deskins

How long have you been together?
Dodie: Depends on which one you ask - I will say 2 weeks but Leta will be honest and say 17 years.

How did you get together/meet?
Dodie: We worked together at a home health agency. Leta was one of the nurses and I was the office jerk(as she called me). My best friend/co-worker saw Leta at a restaurant with her girlfriend at the time. I didn’t realize until then that Leta was gay. A few weeks later she broke up with her girlfriend. Once I heard the news, I gave her a sincere hug and told her I was sorry. I told her to give me a call if she needed a friend.

Leta: She was not the office jerk. She was somebody who knew everybody and knew what was happening in the office. She spoke to everybody. She was a social butterfly. One day, there was just a spark.

Dodie: On our first date, we went to Outback. I had to take my rent money to pay for dinner and I prayed she didn’t want drinks tooJ. I pulled the old butch with a brain act. I asked her thoughts about capital punishment and abortion.

Leta: She seemed sincere, very thoughtful. It was refreshing and sweet. I knew that she was the one after our 1st date.

What challenges have you faced as an interracial couple: We have not faced a lot of discrimination. Initially we lived in Tennessee, but we moved to North Carolina to be in a more diverse area. We do things with all groups; we never just interact with one group of people. We treat people like we want to be treated. We both grew up that way.

Dodie: I grew up in a predominately white town, so it was never an issue for me. People were just people.
Leta: It is interesting, when I knew that Dodie was the one, I told one of my friends about her. When my friend met her, she liked her. She called me after meeting her and said “why didn’t you tell me.” And I said, “Tell you what?” She said, “that she was black”. I replied,” I didn’t even think about that. I didn’t think to tell you”.

After 17 years together, what have you each learned from the other?
Leta: I learned to be more complimentary. I used to not give compliments because I felt that they would give people the big head. I now  realize in life that if you don’t get attention from your partner, you will obtain it from other people. Also, not to give compliments is selfish. Telling a person honestly how you feel about them, makes them a better person which only adds to their life. Dodie was always good at that.

Dodie: I have learned that kindness is free…. Leta is one of the kindest people that I have ever met. And to her, it does not matter who you are or what you do. She is just kind.

 What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship?
Compatibility, despite our outward differences as people, we are very compatible. We often say our heart strings are attached and that we “Fit”. We believe we are each other’s “Soul Mate.” When speaking of other things that are important in a relationship like trust, loyalty, honesty, communication, etc., we see those things from the same place. We have the same definitions of important words. We both have a common belief in how to treat others. To us, kindness is key.

Leta: Compatibility is the center of our wheel. We see things the same way and that really helps us get along. For example, we both believe that we want to be happy and we want to have a happy life. We are both in health care and we realize how short life can be so we want to live life to the fullest. We see life as a big sand box- life is a big adventure and we believe every day above ground is a good day.

How did you know that she was your soul mate?
Dodie: With Leta, I never felt like I had to put on airs. I never felt like I had to entertain her. She seemed naturally interested in me. I felt comfortable with her.

Discuss how you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship?
We face challenges head on.  We have honest, open conversations - keeping in mind that we both are trying to do what we believe is the right thing. We remember that the person sitting across from us speaks from the heart with no harm intended. We face things with a “glass ½ full” attitude. Leta is known in our friend group as the voice of reason.  I am Type A + and Leta is type B-.  This makes for interesting debates.
  
What role does spirituality play in your relationship?
We both believe in a higher power. God is our guide and we trust the little voice (angels) to guide us in the decisions that we make.

What strengthens your relationship?
Time spent together…Long talks… lots of “what if” questions… Trust!
We have a common mission and values. We love to travel together. We use that time to refill our love bank. We have a quest for knowledge about the other person. For example: We both love pizza and just recently discovered why we don’t like the same pizza places.

What role does sensuality and mutual attraction play in your relationship?
Through sensuality and intimacy, we allow our mind and body to connect. We often say we feel like we disappear inside each other’s bodies. Over 17 years, our looks have changed so we find different things attractive now than we did when we first started dating. Being able to talk openly about our feelings and desires are key. We love to flirt with each other even when we are sitting across the room. We like to keep things feeling new.

Dodie: Leta is attracted more to the masculine side of me. So, I know what that looks like.

Leta: Dodie is attracted to more of my feminine side. So, I know when I want to turn her on, I wear heels and put on a dress. Also, Sunday is sex day. No matter what is going on, I let her know that she owes meJ. All of her friends know it too. Don’t call on Sunday. We make sure we plan to be together.

What tips would you give to other lesbian couples? 
One of the best books we have ever read was Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. Through this book, we learned how to love each other in a way that would feel like love to the other. We learned to love in a language that the other could understand. It’s a good read for brand new relationships as well as long- term relationships.

Leta: Remember, you can’t love a person in the way you want to love them. You have to love them in a way that they understand love. It is important not to love in a specific way just because it is easier for you. You have to love in a way that it is easier for them to feel loved.

In 17 years, I know that you have seen other couples break up. What have their break-ups taught you?  Seeing break-ups have taught us lessons and we have been able to learn from their experiences. We have learned to keep others out of our relationship because only we can fix our problems. And, don’t down-play your partner to others. If you need relationship advice, make sure that the person you talk to is not in a friend circle that you both share. Also, understand that there will sometimes be struggles in your relationship, but keep in mind that you love each other.
What fun ways do you communicate love? 
Slow dancing…playing cards. .taking baths with sugar scrubs... kissing each other on the nose..

What are the keys to relationship success?
No one person is completely responsible for another’s happiness so being an individual is important. We feel comfortable watching each other do those things that bring us joy, even if it is done apart.  2) Honest conversation is always necessary even when it hurts 3) Ask for what you want. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. After all, what you are asking for is your NEED. 4) Don’t just HEAR your partner, listen!

Leta: Have time for interests that are not common. Be careful to enjoy each other.
Dodie: Remember that you can’t make anybody 100% happy. Fill those spots with other interests and other people. I remember that Leta is the best person that I have ever met. (Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)

Thank you, Dodie and Leta, for sharing your love with us.  We appreciate your time, energy and generosity in helping us CREATE LOVE! 

Be sure to nurture YOUR LOVE at the Create Love! Conference on February 16th...More info.

Much love to you,


5 comments:

  1. Great article and thanks for sharing this awesome couple story.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think they are a strikingly beautiful couple, together and apart! They'd make super friends! I'm wondering if they want the sound of tiny feet one day? :-)

    These interviews are so delicious for my inner vision!

    Muchas gracias, SharRon!

    ReplyDelete