Monday, October 1, 2012

SHARE YOUR LOVE: Happy Couple Highlight II


Beautiful Couple:  Alexis Aveau and Tiffany Aveau. They live and work in Afghanistan.

How long have you been together?
We have been together for 6 years. We got married in Canada on December 30, 2007.

How did you get together/meet?
Alexis:  I saw Tiffany in the Chow hall in Iraq and fell in lust with her. Two hours later she walked in to my office and the rest was history.

Tiffany: When I first saw my wife I thought, "Well all the rumors are true! She is beautiful". But her accent is what hooked me. Beauty with an accent was a double threat. I was able to talk to her for hours and not even notice the time go by.

What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship? We talk a lot about everything and usually if something bothers one of us we discuss it right away. It may be small and silly, but we discuss it. For example I had sweat pants on, one leg up one down. Tiffany made fun of me and I guess I was feeling sensitive so I told her how I felt.  She acknowledged my feelings and we moved on. The thing is every feeling is valid to the individual. So, even if it's silly to you, you have to acknowledge that a person has a right to feel what they feel and they should not be censored. Also, we are silly and we laugh a lot. When we are home, we shower together every night. It's just so many little things that I can't pin point them all.

How you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship?
Together! That may seem simple but we tackle everything together. Anytime there is a conflict, it pushes Tiffany and me together and we just dig in and solve it.

What role does spirituality play in your relationship?
Alexis: Tiffany isn't spiritual.   I am. I believe in a higher being. I like to pray or have conversations with this entity. It keeps me grounded.

What strengthens your relationship?
The strength in our relationship comes from knowing, knowing that you are loved and accepted for who you are. This can only be achieved if there is total honesty. Tiffany knows everything about me, the good and the bad. There are things that I have done in my life that I have not shared with anyone but her. It was scary being that honest but then it’s was also liberating.
 
How do you stay connected?
As far as keeping connected - is based on an understanding and an expectation that it would be hard. But no matter how difficult, we are not giving up on each other. We do the regular phone calls and twice a day Skype. When Tiffany is gone and I am here, she sends me flowers, make appointments for me to have a spa day. She is truly the best wife.

What role does sensuality and mutual attraction play in your relationship?
Alexis: I would be lying if I don't say being sensual is like everything else in your relationship. It takes work. The first three years it was automatic. Now we have months were it is automatic and months when we really we are not interested in being intimate. For those months, we make an effort. If I am tired with life and I would rather have a glass of wine and watch TV, I make myself think of something special I can do for her. So instead, I will still have my glass of wine and watch TV but I would rub her feet while I am doing it, or her head. She loves that.

What do you love about your wife?
Tiffany: The thing I love the most about my wife is the very essence of her. All of her attributes that make her unique. I love her intelligence, we can hold conversations about any topic and there are no generic responses, we are free to say exactly how we feel about something without feeling like we’ve stepped over an imaginary line of correctness. She has helped mold me into the person that I am today and I will be forever grateful to her for that.

Any more on the key to success?
When we went into our marriage we had a conversation about why marriages fail at such an alarming rate. And we decided that it was based on people thinking the grass is always greener on the other side. If your relationship is important to you, you will work on it regardless if you have option A, B, or C. The bottom line for us is- if there is no cheating or abuses then we are working on it.  Remember what you see on TV is for entertainment. Relationships don't follow a script. You have to take time and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

What is one of the biggest misconceptions that people have about you and your relationship?
Tiffany: I think the biggest misconception about me personally as a masculine lesbian is that people think that the way I carry myself and dress imply that I want to be a man. I am very comfortable in my skin, so it bothers me when individuals who don’t know me think I am trying to compensate for something. In my relationship there are certain concepts that outsiders think happen within a two women relationship that stand to be true.  (For example)  I do most of the heavy lifting, deal with all the electronics and do the majority of the driving. Other than that, we share yard work, house cleaning and sexual roles:).smile

What countries have you visited together?:  Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Dubai, Turkey, Germany, Trinidad and Tobago, Amsterdam, Jamaica, Antigua, Mexico, Domincan Republic, Belize, Honduras, England and Canada.

What tips would you give to other lesbian couples?
I think the best tips we could give to other married lesbian couples is to keep your mind on the main goal, which is to maintain a happy marriage. Sporadically do little things that are not expected, come home with flowers or a small gift. This will let your wife know that you were thinking about her and that she is on your mind even when you are not together.

Be open and honest with your wife, good communication will reduce misunderstandings and possible arguments that will ensue. Don’t just blame and complain, work together to find solutions to problems that arise throughout your relationship. Lastly live in the present, let what happened in the past stay there. Continue to move forward with love and kindness in your heart and build the relationship that you both deserve.
(Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)


Thank you, Tiffany and Alexis, for sharing your love with us.  We appreciate your time, energy and generosity in helping us CREATE LOVE! 

Be sure to nurture YOUR LOVE at the Create Love! Conference on February 16th...More info.

Much love to you,

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