Monday, October 15, 2012

SHARE YOUR LOVE: Happy Couple Highlight IV



Beautiful Couple: 
Patricia Quintero and Rosalie Piedra

How long have you been together?
22 yrs. this month on Halloween
 
How did you get together/meet?
Patricia: We were friends since I was 13 yrs. old and Rose was 18 yrs. old. She was friends with my siblings.  When I was 21, we ran into each other at the Waterfront, a gay bar in Miami, and that's where it all began.

What was the initial attraction?
Rose: I was attracted to her charm and her innocence. She was younger, shy and had beautiful lips.

Patricia: I was intrigued by her. She was older. She was sexy and smart. I loved her femininity. I loved her style and swagger. She had experience, confidence and all that intimidated me and excited me at the same time. She handled me!

What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship?
Communication, similarities, having the same goals financially and being in tune with each other emotionally.  We can compromise with one another and most importantly, we not only love each other we like each other.

You say you have the same goals financially. That is usually a difficult area for couples. So how do you deal with money? And, how did you get on the same page?
Rose: I got advice from one of my friends.  She said that she had an account, her husband had an account, and they had a joint account.

Patricia: We established some ground rules to maintain our independence. We both work. I am spender and Rose is more of a saver. So setting up our money and having different accounts was almost automatic for us.

What’s your process for compromising?
Patricia: It is just trial and error. If you don’t compromise, you don’t get anywhere. When you care, you care how your partner feels. It is important. Even if I don’t want to do something, I will do it if it is important to her. We want things to work. I want her to be happy.

Rose: You have to be willing to give in if you want things to work.  Love is not a one way street.  You have to know when you can push and when you can’t. I know when not to push Patricia on some things.

What do you like most about each other? 
Rose: I love her heart. I love her charm, she can talk to anybody. I like her bluntness. She tells it like it is and is brutally honest. I like how she fights and sticks up for people. I love how she caters to my mother.  I love how she looks at me. She still makes me melt and she still gives me goose bumps. I love everything about her.

Patricia: I like that she always has everything in order. I love that we can talk about anything. And, it stuns me that she knows me so well. If I tell her that I went to a restaurant, she can tell me what I ate. It is incredible! She knows me and can anticipate what I will and will not do.  I love the fact that I get to see the sides no one gets to see.  The sweet and soft sides her - vulnerabilities and imperfections. That’s Hot.  I love to watch her get dressed every morning. From the very beginning, I liked to watch her get dressed. I love the way she dries off after a shower, puts crème on her body, gets dressed, puts on her make up and fixes her hair.  If I could watch her get dressed every day, I would. That makes my day. I am still crazy about her.

What do you still after 22 years find challenging?
 Pat:  She has a hard time admitting she’s wrong and she holds grudges. Everybody has a tough time looking in the mirror. But, I tell her for the benefit of her good.

Rose:  She’s more lax. If I start something, I want to get it done now. I am a neat freak. For example, one day I was telling her to put her clothes away. When I got after her she said, “It is my house too”. And she was right. I had to remember that. Everything can’t just be my way.

Pat: I don’t want to feel like she’s being my mother. I didn’t want her to nag. But she listened to me.

Discuss how you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship?
We discuss every decision that we make and, as far as challenges, we try to do what's best for us and our relationship.  If one of us is adamant about a challenge, we will do it...If it works out, great.   If it doesn't work out, believe me, you WILL hear about it.  No matter what, we have to respect each other’s opinions and individuality.

What does respect look like for you?
Rose: Respect looks like a line.  If you love and respect somebody, you don’t cross that line.  You never do anything to jeopardize your relationship.  Patricia’s feelings are always paramount.  I trust her completely.

Patricia: Rose is always above and beyond everybody else. I would not do anything on purpose to hurt her. Like she said, you don’t cross that line. You don’t humiliate. You always have compassion and consideration. When you love someone, it should hurt you to disrespect them. It kills me to hurt her. In an argument, it doesn’t matter who is at fault, I still want to apologize. I always want to protect her feelings.

What role does sensuality and mutual attraction play in your relationship?
Sexuality and intimacy are the glue to our relationship. Otherwise, you’re just friends or roommates.  Sensuality keeps it going.
 
What do you do to keep the flame burning?
Rose: Our love for one another.  We still have firsts, we laugh, play and joke with each other and we still go out for romantic dinner.

Patricia: I think intimacy should be spontaneous and feel natural. Not planned or like a job. We know that relationships have ups and downs. No relationship has the same consistency. We agree that making time for each other is important.  We are still courting each other.
You mentioned family support? Share more about that?
Patricia: It was difficult at first because I was young. The tension lasted for a couple of years with my Mom. She didn’t understand this lifestyle. My mother was fearful. She did want anyone to judge or hurt me because of it.  But I told my mother, you have loved me through everything and I am the same person.  My aunt changed her mind. My aunt totally embraced our relationship and she made my mother feel that it was okay.  She still may not understand it but she definitely respects it.

Rose: I had struggles with my first lover and it was hard for a couple of years. When Patricia and I got together, it was much easier plus they already knew her.  I feel that both our families have embraced our relationship.

What have you learned most about each other in the 22 years?
Patricia:  I have learned she is the right person for me after being together all these years.  Through all the good and bad times, arguments and breaks up, we are perfect for one another.  I know with no uncertainty that she is loyal, loving and compassionate.

Rose: I have learned that she has a passion for doing what’s right. She will stick up for other people. I admire that about her.

Patricia:  Also, I learned that love changes.  Love becomes more powerful.  Experiences let you know that you have torn down just infatuation and that you truly love each other.  Time will show you what true love is.  Experiences show you where “home” is.  I always want to go be home. I love to know that I will see Rose every day.
What years were the hardest?

Patricia: Year 4 was hard, and we broke up for 1 year.  During the course of that year, I realized how much I missed and loved her, and we eventually got back together.

Rose: Since I was older, I had done more living. I understood that she needed time to explore and live her life. Individually, she needed that. But after one year, we both missed each other and we realized that we wanted to try again and see if it was meant to be. It was a very important year and I have no regrets.

What tips would you give to other lesbian couples?
Take one day at a time and enjoy life.  Wait and don't rush in to anything.  Don't move in after the second date.  Take time to get to know one another.  Quite often, lesbians mistake friendships for intimate relationships.  Be together but maintain your independence and individuality. 

You were together for 10 years before moving in together? How did that help your relationship?
Patricia: Before we moved in, we got all of the bugs out. We went through our growing pains. We were pretty settled into our relationship so it was an easier transition.

What is your greatest revelation about relationships?
If your relationship can last 22 years, you will realize that it was well worth the good and bad times it took to get there.  Sometimes you have to carry the other through tough times.  We are very happy.  We still talk, laugh and dance together.  We are stronger than ever.

What do you mean by carrying each other?
Rose: We all go through tough times. Job loss, illnesses, death, etc.  When your partner needs to take time off, give it to them.  Don’t take it personally.  They may just need to be with themselves.  You owe them time to heal.  When I was down, Patricia picked me up. She took care of things so I could have time off to deal with my issues.

Patricia:  Sometimes, you need a “time out” and you have to give that if you love someone. We are always there for each other and support one another.

What role does spirituality play in your relationship?
We pray to God that we don't annoy the crap out of each other each and every day.  But on a serious note, we thank God for each other, our pugs, our blessings and the strong support of our family and friends.  Spirituality is a huge part of our life and keeps us balanced. (Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)


Thank you, Patricia and Rose, for sharing your love with us.  We appreciate your time, energy and generosity in helping us CREATE LOVE! 

Be sure to nurture YOUR LOVE at the Create Love! Conference on February 16th...More info.

Much love to you,

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