How to Love A Broken Woman

Every woman has a little girl inside of her. For some women that little girl experienced pain beyond anything she could imagine. Those of us who made it through the pain, on the other side, have become survivors. We are survivors of many things, such as various forms of abuse, neglect, health challenges and other forms of trauma that tried to keep us from being the dynamic women we were destined to be. But it didn't win and instead we developed the coping skills that allowed us to persevere. In some cases we learned to re-parent ourselves, escape in any way possible, or repress the memories of an all too painful childhood. We are teachers, leaders, healers and women doing amazing things against all odds.

But for some of us there is still a dark place, a place wherein there is brokenness. It is a place that can only be filled with authentic love. It can only be filled with the kind of unconditional and compassionate love that is, too often, uncommon and seemingly esoteric. You see, some of us hold this brokenness deep down inside of us and quietly yearn for the one who can see it, hold it, and love us anyway. We yearn for the kind of love that doesn't make room for hiding or shaming. Instead it is the beacon for our soul to voyage into the light.

I want to be clear that my use of the term "brokenness" in this article is not meant to be synonymous with dysfunctional. The brokenness I speak of is the kind of hurt that tugs at your heart, but does not rip through to your soul. It is the kind of brokenness that makes us human. It reminds us of our humanity and our strength, simultaneously. It is the gateway to compassion and empathy for others. It does not define us but rather becomes part of the collective experience that is us.  This brokenness is the flawed I AM in all survivors.

MY RAW TRUTH OF BROKENNESS...
My personal story of brokenness begins at such a young age that I have a difficult time remembering all of my childhood. Instead I have patches of memories. Fortunately, my brother is very nostalgic and keeps some of the precious memories green for me. As a little girl I endured my share of unspeakable hurts. I experienced sexual, emotional and verbal abuse that took a toll on my self-esteem. I remember being called painful names that pierced my heart sharper then any physical lash could ever do. The glory is that I have truly forgiven the one who delivered such verbal venom. The forgiveness was not a onetime act, but rather a journey that we took together. I wholeheartedly believe we are both better for it. As I get older, the healing continues and the hurt becomes less and less palpable. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't disappeared but it has taken a backseat to an unshakable joy. This remains my daily intention.

Surviving my wounded little girl has been nothing short of a miracle. When I think about those occurrences I do not do so with grief. To the contrary, it reminds me of my strength, perseverance and determination to defy that painful existence. From at least the age of 14 I realized that the God of my understanding had a call on my life. And even then I knew I would accept it. I didn't know how and I'm not even sure I truly knew what that meant at the time. But I do remember a resolve in my spirit. It was a resolve that didn't come easily. I fought for it. Thus, like any warrior, I did not come out unscathed.

With a beat-up self-esteem following me like a ominous shadow, I became self-destructive. I imploded and exploded as I tried to grapple with the rage. I didn't know that rage belonged to the ones who had hurt me. I thought it was mine to bear. Often I turned it outward, but mostly the gun of destruction was pointed directly at myself. So it is no surprise that I became suicidal. However as I reflect on this time in my life, I am very clear that I didn't want to die; I just did not know how to make the pain stop. I did not know how to make people see me...really see me. I had a total of three suicide attempts. First with a razor blade to my wrist and twice with pills. The second time with the pills was the last suicide attempt I would ever make. As I was being rushed down the hallway in the hospital staring at the ceiling with a glimpse of the tortured faces of my parents in my peripheral vision, it became clear-- I want to live. I want to live! In that moment I chose life...as unpredictable as it had been. Today, when I looked down at my wrist I see the small scar from the razor. Over the years, the cut has shrunken to a little over a quarter inch. It healed with a bit of keloid tissue and it is now my warrior mark.

This small scar oddly links me to my African sisters in a strange way. While it seems that the practice is becoming less and less utilized, scarification for women in some African tribes is a very sacred practice (judge it as you will). Through research you'll find that there are many reasons for these markings. In some cases it is done to beautify the woman, or as part of a spiritual practice, or simply to identify members of a tribe. The marks are often made with a small razor, much like the one I used as a confused and hurting child. So my "mark" looks very much like these tribal markings.  I have decided to reframe and reclaim its meaning. It identifies me with my tribe of warrior women who have overcome trauma (Note: by no means am I advocating self harming. I am talking about acceptance).  My small scar is no longer an indication of pain. Instead, it is a reminder that I am a survivor.  More than that, it is a reminder that I am a warrior; I am an overcomer. Even when I don't know how, I always know that the miracle will come. Then gratitude fills my heart and just for a moment the brokenness mends.

I know that my story is not unique. I know that there are powerful women all around us doing amazing things, while holding a wounded little girl at bay. Like me, those women are also warriors. They are not amazing in spite of their brokenness; they are amazing because the brokenness could not defeat them. And all of us deserve to be loved, wholly and fully. I am grateful that I can proclaim to have found the kind of love that sees me. She sees me and she loves me.

To all those warrior women who recognize themselves in my story, I say --we are one in the same! To them I say--I am glad that you made it! Your experience does not define you. It merely gave you an opportunity to step into your greatness. Now, to all of those women who are fortunate enough to capture the heart of one of these women, I say – – blessed are you! The journey you have accepted will heal, amaze and inspire you both.

Here are 3 very key tips on how to love a warrior women with a wounded little girl inside:

1. If you are trying to be her savior, then you have missed the point. Even more tragic – if
   
   you are trying to be her savior, then you don't fully see her.  It is not your job, nor is it within your power to "fix" her. Besides, it is an exercise in futility to fix something that isn't broken. Your beloved is not broken in that way. The work of healing is hers and hers alone. Your role is to be her respite from the world of--what I call--Earth people who do not fully see her. Your role is to let her know, with consistency of word and deed, that your love is strong enough to hold her vulnerability and her strength.
2. Be committed to doing your own work too. The best thing you can be for your sweetie is the best "you" that you can be. I believe that who we attract as a mate is no mistake. We come together to heal each other, or at least the opportunity is there for us to embrace. We can take it or leave it, but the need for growth will not go away. We will find ourselves repeating lessons over and over until we welcome our individual emotional and spiritual evolution. When we come together, whether consciously or unconsciously, we will share our joy and our pain. Subsequently, we may trigger each other's old wounds. This is not a reason to run, but rather an opportunity to turn and face the familiar for the purpose of healing. I truly believe this. I've seen it for my clients and for myself. When it happens it is a gift.
3. You must be willing to see your warrior woman with what I call "love bifocals". Okay, so the name may sound weird and honestly it even makes me giggle. :-) However it is no joke. Wearing love bifocals means being able to see your beloved it in her dichotomy and celebrate her fully. It means seeing all her parts and loving the whole. You must be able to see her hurt places and hold them gingerly. Sometimes the holding is meant to be literal and other times it means holding her in your heart with compassion and grace. It is about witnessing her story and never, never, never using it as a weapon against her. 

Conversely, wearing love bifocals has another lens. Through the other lens you must be able to see her strength and courage. You must be willing to bear witness to all of her while not holding her on an unattainable, unsustainable pedestal. To genuinely understand this means to love the real person and not the fantasy that might make you feel good, look good to others, or serves as a trophy for your ego. Ahhh...this can be the tricky one. It is not for the faint of heart and not everyone can see through this lens clearly. But if you are able to focus your love bifocals in just the right balance, then you will find yourself gazing at a gem!

Loving a warrior woman with a brokenness is not to be done lightly, nor taken for granted. If you have her heart, treasure it. Share your vulnerabilities with one another as a road map to deeper intimacy. It will anchor you forever when you are able to love her...mind, body and soul. It is not a love of perfection but rather a love of powerful progress.

It is my greatest hope that this article resonates with your spirit and that you find beauty in everything you see. I honor your journey beyond the brokenness and wish you great success as you seek to Create Love in all that you do.



Nya Akoma! (Take Heart)
Imani Evans, MA
www.createloveforwomen.com
www.imanievans.com
www.surviving2thriving.org
http://selfcarefordynamicwomen.blogspot.com
404.944.6409

OTHER ARTICLES by Imani:
Sexless Love: Dealing with Lesbian Bed Death
Who Are You Really Dating? 11 Dysfunctional Dating Personalities
A Femme's View on Studs

My dedication to survivors everywhere!

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

It is easy for us to believe that we are all good or all bad.  Something about placing ourselves in simplistic categories helps us define and understand ourselves. Or, at least that is what we think. But here’s the truth. We are not that simple. We are complex human beings made of many experiences, conflicting ideas, competing traditions and inconsistent behavior. We are not all of this or all of that. We are a mixture of daylight and darkness, good and bad, strong and weak, loving and low down, generous and greedy, and majestic and messy. We are multi-layered, multi-faceted and sometimes complicated, very complicated, amalgamations. We are interesting combinations with mixed intentions and sometimes hidden agendas, even hidden to ourselves.  We all are “this and” and not “either or”.  We are human. 

So how do you understand all of who you are? How can you be aware of our competing motives?  How can you manage your inconsistencies? Good questions…..I am glad you asked. I don’t claim to know all of the answers but here are some ideas to get you started. 

Tell yourself the truth without judgment.  Yes, tell yourself the full truth. For example, you are not only excited that your friend got promoted; you really wanted her to leave so that you could have her job. You don’t feel bad that your friend fell off her diet plan; you want to be the most physically fit in the group. You are not only concerned about helping a charity, you want to be seen and recognized.  You are not only helping a person out the goodness of your heart, you want to show them that you are worthy of their love. You don’t really love your job; you love the perks, privileges and power associated with the position. You don’t really believe in heaven; you just don’t want to take a risk that there is really a hell. Right? Tell yourself THE truth. You don’t have to tell anybody else, but you must be honest with yourself. And by being honest with yourself, it will hopefully help you be honest with others. And by accepting and embracing your own contradictions maybe, just maybe, it will help you be less judgmental of others. Tell yourself the truth…..all of it! 

Examine your motives. That’s a hard one because we all want to feel that our motives are noble, well-serving and loving. That would make us feel good about ourselves and we all want that, right? But beneath some of our motives, lies our truest needs, deepest insecurities and most unsettling fears. Nestled behind our real objectives, but unspoken intentions, is a person looking for validation, love and affirmation.  Sometimes behind our unspoken and/or unknown motives is a person who doesn’t feel good about who they are or what they are doing. Maybe there is a person who doesn’t feel good about what they have become or where they are headed.  So lovingly examine your motives by examining your own heart. That way you can operate with greater integrity and offer yourself more compassion.  You may be also able to initiate some important healing in your life. 

Get support. Many times when I have the privilege of working with people I often hear statements like “I hate that I feel this way” or “I didn’t know that I had those feelings” or “I felt something but I didn’t know where those feelings were coming from”. I also hear statements like “I can’t even say what I am doing out loud” or “I am ashamed” or “you would leave me if you really knew me”.  I get it because I have had the same experiences and emotions myself. All of us have --- if we are honest. But a wise therapist shared this with me. She said that you can have emotions IN you and let them deal with you. Or, you can get the emotions OUT and deal with them. So get your emotions out by getting some support because buried feelings never die; they just multiply. They multiply and morph into more dysfunction, more pathology and more unhappiness. 

Remember, we all have many layers to our personality. We all have many aspects to our lives. We all have different levels of awareness about why we do what we do.  We are complex, intricate and sometimes inconsistent human beings traveling on this journey called life. We are too bad to be 100% good. And we are too good to be 100% bad. We are human with flaws, frailties, insecurities, dreams, fears and issues. We are human with strengths and weaknesses. But hopefully by telling yourself the truth, examining your motives and by getting support you can become a person that you are extremely proud of and a person you fully understand…..YOU! 

Blessings!

SharRon Jamison
www.createloveforwomen.com
www.icandependonme-sharronjamison.com
www.sharronjamison.com
SharRoneJamison@gmail.com

SHOW ME THE MONEY, HONEY: Panel Discussion 6-28

June 28th 4:30 pm - 6:30 pm

Little 5 Points Community Center (In the Cafe)

$5.00 Suggested donation * Refreshments Served

Relationships & Money...It is no surprise that money and finances are hot topics in any relationship. We have convened a panel of six-figure earners to discuss relationships & money: 

• How do you create a joint financial vision? 
• How do you create financial equity when one earns substantially more money? 
• Is there one account, two, or more?

We want to help you build success around this typically hush-hush subject. We know that money is not what makes a relationship work...at all! But we also know that it can be a huge source of frustration and conflict, even in the healthiest relationships.

For singles...How to manage your money while dating is key: 

• How much do you spend on a date? 
• How much do you reveal in the dating process? 
• What is important to know about "potential" partners?

A recent study shows the following:
The 2013 Fidelity Investments Couples Retirement Study 

• Less than one-half (45%) of couples agree that day-to-day financial decisions are made jointly.
• Only 43% of couples report making investment decisions for retirement jointly.
• Only 28% of couples are completely confident that either partner is prepared to assume responsibility of their joint retirement finances, if necessary.
• One in three couples disagree as to their ideal vision for retirement. While men are significantly more likely to envision indulging in their favorite sports, women are more likely to envision spending time with family, enjoying hobbies and volunteering in their local community.

We are going to discuss, learn and grow together! COME LEARN THE SECRETS OF SIX-FIGURE LESBIANS. It promises to be informative and fun!

CALL 404.944.6409 FOR QUESTIONS & MORE INFO

Sometimes It Is An Inside Job!

I am learning that destruction and decay are sometimes inside jobs. When you consider why some successful businesses fail, sometimes it is not the changing marketplace. Sometimes it is the declining morale that results from a toxic climate poisoned by nepotism, sexism, racism, ageism, favoritism and cronyism that pollutes the corporate atmosphere. Sometimes it is the company’s exclusive focus on glory and greed that erodes the public’s confidence; pride and avarice have a way of contaminating the best organizations. Sometimes it is the company’s inhumane treatment and its lack of concern for its workers, suppliers, distributors, customers and the environment that slowly taints its corporate image. I am learning that many times it is not what happens on the outside that prevents success; it is what happens on the inside. Why? Because sometimes destruction and decay are inside jobs!

The same thing can be said about churches. Many times it is not the non-believers or the outsiders who destroy or malign the church and the image of Christianity. Many times is the “super saints” that demoralize new members, distort the Bible, teach biased theology, follow flawed doctrine, promote hate and pimp the gospel that hurts the church. Sometimes it is the “I am the only one going to heaven” believers with their puffed up displays of piety and their insistence on “there is only one way to do church” type of spirituality that discourages new converts. Many times it is the churches refusal to address inequality, discrimination, sexism, racism, homophobia while at the same time proudly wear badges, buttons and shirts lettered with the phrase “What will Jesus do” that causes others to stray and to stay away. Many times it is the old members, seasoned saints, or the Christian conservative elites who feel as if they own the market on Jesus that make people run away from God. Many times it is the people who feel as if they are the gatekeepers of religiosity and the purveyors of holiness that cripple Christianity. Many times it is the “holier than thou” people who believe that they have to protect God as if God needs protection. Remember, God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent. God does not need us; we need God. Again, I am learning that many times it is not what happens on the outside that hurts Christianity or any faith tradition; it is what happens on the inside. Why? Because sometimes destruction and decay are inside jobs!

The same is true about some of our families. Many times it is not the haters, naysayers or enemies who hurt us. Sometimes it is our friends/families that share our secrets, exploit our weaknesses and broadcast our failures. Sometimes it is our families/friends who “sale” us out, throw us out, cuss us out and leave it out. Sometimes it is the people closest to us that hurt us the most but help us the least. Sometimes our families are the ones who prey on us rather than pray with and for us that injure us in our most fragile places. Sometimes it is our families/friends who are the ones that deceive us, discard us, deny us and disappoint us but at the same time expect us to show up, grow up, give up, and shut up. Again, I am learning that many times it is not what happens on the outside that destroys our families; sometimes it is what happens on the inside. Why? Because sometimes destruction and decay are inside jobs!

The same is true about our love relationships. Many times it is not that other people don’t respect our relationships; sometimes is that we don’t respect own. Sometimes it is that we don’t honor ourselves, our commitments or the sanctity of our own bonds which cheapen our own partnerships. Sometimes it is not that others are not respecting our relationship boundaries; sometimes it is you and me who are unilaterally extending our own. Sometimes it is not that you and your partner are not talking, but sometimes it is that you both are really not listening. Sometimes it is not that we are not sexually tempted by other people, sometimes it is that we don’t exercise good self-control, good judgment or respect for ourselves or for our partners. Sometimes it is not that we work too much, sometimes it is that you don’t work enough. Sometimes it is not that she keeps changing; sometimes it is that you refuse to learn, evolve and grow too. Sometimes it is not that you are concerned about her, sometimes it is that you are not concerned in a way that encourages you to understand who she is and who she aspires to be. Sometimes it is not that her dreams are too big, maybe it is that your dreams are too small or that you don’t dream enough. Sometimes it is not that she doesn’t make you happy, sometimes it is that you refuse to go get, keep and work on your own “happy”. Again, I am learning that many times it is not what happens on the outside that destroys love, marriages and partnerships; it is what happens on the inside. Why? Because destruction and decay are sometimes inside jobs.

So I am now convinced that I must look IN before I look OUT when things go awry. IN!!!! Because many times it is not what happens on the outside that blocks success and prevent happiness; it is what happens on the inside. Why? Because sometimes destruction and decay are inside jobs!

Blessings!

SharRon Jamison
www.createloveforwomen.com
www.icandependonme-sharronjamison.com
www.sharronjamison.com
SharRoneJamison@gmail.com

Wow! - 2014 CREATE LOVE CONFERENCE VIDEO

Create Love offers full-day conference for women who love women, seeking to obtain, maintain, and sustain a quality, fulfilling, and mutually satisfying love relationship...beginning with the one you have with yourself. DESIGNED FOR COUPLES AND SINGLES. This is a video of our AMAZING 2nd annual conference...It exceeded our expectations! Stay tuned for 2015!!! www.createloveforwomen.com 

(Copyright 2014 All Rights Reserved) 

PHOTO CREDITS: 

AJC Photography  http://www.ajcphotography65.com

Urban Bytes, ub256.smugmug.com

Do We Have Enough in Common?

Working and living with someone is not always the easiest thing to do, especially if you don’t have much in common. No, you don’t have to like the same things or share the same beliefs. No, you don’t have to both be morning people or night owls. You both don’t need to be from the same region or even from the same country.  No, those variables are not important, and in some ways, those differences could be assets. But in any “ship” there a few things that you and your friend/partner must have in common to successfully function and live together.  They are a few beliefs that must be agreed upon, shared, accepted and enforced.

The first belief that must be shared is the belief in COMMITMENT. Yes, commitment. Commitments are promises; they are pledges of  support, faith and fidelity.  Commitments are important because they represent an emotional guarantee that you can be counted on in times of tragedy, triumph and transition.  It assures your partner that despite the vicissitudes of life that you will be there to love and lift her, celebrate and motivate her, challenge and cherish her, and value and validate her.  Make no mistake about it. True commitment is important because it communicates loyalty and undergirds trust which helps couples enjoy the good times and endure the bad times.

Even though commitments are vital to the success of our “ships”, many people “toy” with them.  Many people retract their commitments when they are angry or frustrated. Some people use their commitment as a tool to manipulate, bargain or threaten their loved ones. Some treat commitments as if they are optional, discretionary or insignificant. In other words, some people cheapen them or they devalue them.

But here’s the truth. A commitment is a bond; it is a covenant. It is something that should not be trivialized, minimized or marginalized. It is a vow that should always be cherished and honored. And, it should never be subjected to or dependent on transient emotions, temporary situations or momentary circumstances.  Remember this - if your commitment can not withstand the stresses and strains of life, your relationship will not survive. 
 
The second belief that must be shared is the willingness to engage in productive CONFRONTION. Believe it or not, confrontation is not only healthy, but it is vital to all “ships”. Remember, peace just doesn’t happen; peace must be made. It can only be made when people have the courage and spiritual maturity to explore their feelings, consider their feelings and then share their feelings.  Peace can only be made when people are concerned about their viewpoints but also acknowledge and appreciate the viewpoints of others. Without valuing the needs and perspectives of others, confrontations are just unproductive fights and not what they could be, relationship fortifiers.

The ability to work through obstacles and to deal with opposition fairly and fully will sometimes require conversations that are uncomfortable. If you love and value your partner, don’t turn away from her. Try your best to turn toward her so that you can hear what she has to say. Hearing always precedes healing and hoping. I look forward to sharing more thoughts about healthy confrontation in future articles.

The third concept that two people must have in common is COMPETENCE.  Competence is not a sexy word, however; believing and striving for competence will add to your personal and relationship satisfaction. Let’s face it. Many times people who strive for competence are also life-long learners. They are usually people who are open to continued exploration, discussion and education. Now, that’s hot!! There is nothing sexier than a SMART woman committed to get getting smarter, stronger, healthier and better.  So competency may not be a sexy word but it is an attractive action and a stimulating attitude☺.
 
Just remember…… if you are a person who strives for competence, people who don’t will frustrate you. Trust me, nothing will irritate you more than a person who is satisfied with mediocrity and only exerts enough energy to be average. Eventually, you will outgrow them, resent them and/or lose respect for them.

What’s unfortunate is that people with a “just enough” mentality are usually comfortable with living below their potential, not only personally but also professionally. And since average is all they hope for or strive for, they are unable or unwilling to understand your desire to be proficient, equipped and capable. It may not be a good thing to say as a minster, but people who embrace mediocrity eventually become leeches and distractions. They don’t want to put in the work to elevate their own lives and they will do their best to prevent you from elevating yours too.

If you want to be in a mutually satisfying relationship, the person has to have a common desire for competence. They have to be willing to leave their comfort zones and their familiar silos to stretch themselves, challenge themselves and expect more from themselves.  If they want to embrace incompetence and be ordinary, that’s fine. But if you want to be extraordinary and strive for excellence, you may want to reconsider if you really have enough in common.

The final principle that you need to have in common is CHARACTER.  Character has multiple definitions and many variables. It is shaped by your experiences, beliefs, childhood and your perspectives.  Character is important; it is the sum total of who you are and it reflects how you navigate in the world.  It influences your behavior, informs your perspectives, determines your ethics and communicates your integrity.

Partners must have a shared meaning/understanding of what constitutes good character; they must have a similar moral compass. Also, they both must be committed to using the shared compass to guide and gauge how they interact with each other and with others. Why? Because to be in a healthy relationship, both partners must have a shared understanding of where the proverbial line is AND both partners must be confident that the proverbial line will never be crossed. Each partner must also be convinced that her reputation will be protected and valued.   In other words, some things must be "a given".

Here’s the truth.  You and your partner don’t have to have the same temperament, but you have to have a common understanding of trust. You don’t have to have the same skills, but you must have similar emotional strength.  You don’t have to be spiritually uniformed, but you must be spiritually unified.  Some things must be similar. In the Christian faith there is a scripture that says  “how can two people walk together unless they agree”. Character is an area that you and your partner must agree.

Being in a partnership or relationship does not require you to be same. But, it does require you to have a common belief in commitment so that your partner knows that whatever happens -good or bad- that she can depend on you to be there with and for her.  It does require that you engage in healthy confrontation so that peace is made and peace is maintained. It requires that you strive for competence in communication, compromise and collaboration and never settle for being or doing “just enough”. It requires a common understanding and a common definition of character so that trust can be nurtured and strengthen. No, having those things in common does not make you a clone, but commonality does support your friendships and partnerships.

Do you have enough in common to have a “ship” that exemplifies faithfulness, love, honesty, transparency, passion and happiness? Can your "ship" weather the storms of life?  Only you can decide.

Blessings! 

SharRon Jamison  
www.createloveforwomen.com
www.icandependonme-sharronjamison.com

SharRoneJamison@gmail.com
www.sharronjamison.com

What if LOVE went viral?

After deep reflection of the amazing Create Love Conference 2014, I am still in awe. I am still trying to soak in the love that we received and witnessed from the more than 125 women in attendance, at our second annual conference. It exceeded our expectations in so many ways. However the most pervasive questions left looming in my mind are as follows: How can we magnify the love felt in that room? Can LOVE really go viral?

I am a YouTube connoisseur. And if you are even slightly inclined to social media these days, you too have perused the plethora of videos on YouTube. You've seen the videos that go viral overnight: a talking cat, laughing babies, or God help us all--the well-sighted twerking mishaps. Well if that amusing ridiculousness can reach millions and millions across the world, why not a message of love? Is it such an incredulous idea to think that love could multiply, spread the globe and connect billions of people? Call me crazy, and it really is okay if you do, but I believe that it is possible! I definitely think it is necessary. One need not look very far to see how a "love deficiency" has reached pandemic proportions.

I once listened to an audio of self-improvement author, Louise Hay, in which she declared that people don't go hungry due to a lack of food, but rather a lack of love. That statement immediately resonated in my soul. There is so much suffering in the world that has nothing to do with the lack of resources to resolve it. I believe that when egos rise, love dies a slow and painful death; People suffer from a love deficiency. 

Evidence of a love deficiency in our society is glaring, baffling and cunning. It is cloaked in the haves and have-nots, the rich and the poor, race debates and social justice platforms. Yet at the end of the day, it all amounts to the ways in which we minimize the humanity of others to advance personal agendas--The ego rising. It is, in fact, a love deficiency. Below are the statistics that illuminate this deficit quite clearly:

Nationwide there are fewer than thirty safe homes for victims of sex trafficking to receive treatment and services. This severe shortage regularly causes their inappropriate placement in juvenile detention facilities. (Streetlight Tuscon, 2012)
http://nefariousdocumentary.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/human-trafficking-statistics-sheet.pdf  

Children below the age of 18 years represent between 40 to 50 percent of all forced labor victims. http://www.compassion.com/child-advocacy/find-your-voice/quick-facts/child-labor-quick-facts.htm  

As many as 2 million children are subjected to prostitution in the global commercial sex trade. (U.S. State Department, Trafficking in Persons Report, 2011)
http://nefariousdocumentary.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/human-trafficking-statistics-sheet.pdf  

After drug trafficking, trafficking in humans ties with the illegal arms industry as the second largest criminal industry in the world today. It is the fastest growing criminal industry. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2011)
http://nefariousdocumentary.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/human-trafficking-statistics-sheet.pdf  

Women and girls make up 98% of victims of trafficking for sexual exploitation
http://www.equalitynow.org/node/1010  

Preventable diseases like diarrhea and pneumonia take the lives of 2 million children a year who are too poor to afford proper treatment.
http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-global-poverty#  

270 million with no access to health services (1 in 7 children worldwide).
http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats#fact3  

An estimated 400 million children lack adequate access to clean drinking water.
http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-global-poverty# 

870 million people worldwide do not have enough food to eat.
http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-global-poverty# 

Nearly half of the world’s population (more than 3 billion people) live on less than $2.50 a day. More than 1.3 billion live in extreme poverty (less than $1.25 a day).
http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-global-poverty# 

Hunger is the number one cause of death in the world, killing more than HIV/AIDS, malaria, and tuberculosis combined. http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-facts-about-global-poverty# 

Daunting, to say the least! If those statistics don't bring tears to your eyes, inspire you to action, or touch your heart deeply, then I implore you to read them again and check your pulse. This level of suffering should shake up our humanity regardless of religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, or socio-economic location. It should arise above the barriers that separate us and meet our souls in a common place. If love were a vitamin, we would need high doses to restore the world to a place of stability. For those of us who believe in God (however you speak the name), we must wonder if that omnipotent force is in utter disbelief at the state of our humanity.

Now, I am an eternal optimist. I believe that as long as we have breath, we have opportunity. There is an opportunity to do something different. We have an opportunity to choose something different; We can choose to CREATE LOVE as a way of life. Simply put, love really can go viral! HERE IS MY CHALLENGE TO YOU - 5 Simple Steps to Magnify Love:

• Make a decision to believe in the power of love. It doesn't matter if it sounds like hocus-pocus, or metaphysical jargon. The truth of the matter is that belief is the foundation for manifesting any vision into reality. You must be willing to believe, with every fiber of your being, that it is possible.
• Write the word love on a piece of paper and hang it, tape it, or place it somewhere you can see it every day. This will anchor love into your subconsciousness, as well as your consciousness. We need to soak in the energy of love at every level of our being. In addition, it is the subconscious that dictates much of our behavior.
• Before you wake up in the morning and before you close your eyes at night, take a mere 3 minutes to meditate on the word love. Breathe consciously while you do so. Breathing always activates the life force, helping us bring thoughts into existence.
• Ask yourself, daily, how can I be love in the world today? It is not a matter of having more loving, but rather the art of being the love what to see in the world.

• Finally, share this article with someone else and offer them a random act of kindness. Share this message with someone else and ask them to do the same. Love is healing; Love is true power, Love is a dynamic, always full resource: Love is all there is: And love is for everyone!

It is my deepest hope that this message of love will go viral and touch the lives of many. Either way, only healing and positive shifts can come from our attempts. So let's make this a joint vision to change the course of humanity! I wish you great success as you embark on your journey to be love and to create more love in your life. Do you accept the challenge?

Nya Akoma! (Take Heart)
Imani Evans, MA
Create Love for Women Who Love Women
www.createloveforwomen.com
www.surviving2thriving.org