Emotional Side of Love

Imani Evans...
You may have heard the saying, "my better half" when referencing your partner or spouse.  But to the contrary, if your partner is your better half, then you are not the whole 
Adinkra Symbol --Sankofa
(We must reclaim our past so we can move forward)
person that you need to be.

So...the question really is are you whole? Do you know who you are? Not what you have, not what you do...but who are you?  This is really about being self-aware and self-actualized. When you have a good sense of these questions then you can convey them to a potential mate.  This way each person can make an authentic choice about the potential union.  

Far too often we spend more time deliberating on the purchase of a car, than we do on discovering our most essential asset...SELF.  Self-discovery is an act of self love.  It means you are worthy of being your own friend and lover, first.  Doing this is optimal over bringing baggage into a relationship that you have never unpacked for yourself.  In that case, you are just as surprised as she is to see what comes out of your emotional luggage...And trust me, you can run but you can't hide.  Even when you don't want to reveal it, over time, it is inevitable to be unpacked.  Relationships reflect us back to ourselves.  

Don't get me wrong, I am certainly not suggesting that you need to be "perfect" before you get into a relationship.  I don't believe that is necessary nor possible.  See, it is when we are in a relationship that we get to practice being who we say we are.  Think of it like swimming...You can practice the skills of swimming on land everyday for a year and do very well (learning how to stroke and turn your head to take in air, etc.). However you won't know if your are good at it, until you get in the water to actually swim! Relationship-work is exactly the same.  So if your relationship is not going well...Well, look at yourself first and foremost.  What more are you learning about yourself? What additional work to you need to consider?  It is just data.  And only you get to decide how best to utilize that information.

Self-awareness and self-actualization is a gift to give to yourself.  Do the work of self so that when you find that perfect union you will be ready.  Ask yourself, would I date me? If the answer is a resounding, "Yes!". Then, may just be whole and ready for a complete union! 


  1. Imani, sometimes when I hear you speak, or read something you have written,I need to pinch myself, regroup, and realize I didn't say or write that, Imani did. We are so in tune with our perspectives and beliefs around health, wellness and healing-particularly, in the women's community. I am soooo happy that we have a woman like you, and my wonderful sister ShaRon on the court and not in the stands, playing a winning game-creating love for women who love women-no matter what their orientation is today. Thanks for the healing work you have obviously done on yourself. It shows.

  2. So if you don't know who you are, then what do you do first?

  3. Just feel so lost??????

  4. Wonderful post, Imani. But I wanted to respond to the woman who feels so lost. I hear you! When you are far out of touch with yourself it can be hard to know where to even start, in regaining your sense of connection to YOU. A lot of us shut down our feelings and numbed ourselves and left our bodies a long time ago, and it is definitely a commitment and a journey to come back. But you CAN do it. The resources on this site can absolutely help you. And we have other resources on our site too, www.consciousgirlfriend.com (Conscious Girlfriend: Lesbians & Queer Women Creating True Love). Sending you blessings and love!