Action Changes Things!

Have you ever felt as if you were stuck in a rut? I have. There have been times in my life when I have felt stuck, cemented and confined by people, policies, places and positions.  A few times I felt so emotionally trapped by routines, responsibilities and relationships that I stopped growing, learning, loving and living.  I was emotionally, intellectually, socially and spiritually sinking, and I was sinking fast.

Thankfully some wonderful coaches and counselors helped me change the trajectory of my life and now almost 25 years later, I have learned a few things.   I have learned that self-reflection is the first step to personal transformation. Yes, I learned that I had to learn more about me. I learned that I had to learn who I was devoid of expectations, fears, traditions, norms and facades. I had to discover who I was outside of what everybody else wanted me to be.   Trust me, that was difficult; it required peeling back layers of my personality that I never knew existed.

For me, self-reflection was a painstaking process because I had to take off the masks and remove my disguises; I could no longer hide. I also had to stop acting, and the funny thing was --  I didn’t know that I was even acting. I thought my beliefs and behavior were self-directed; I soon realized that they were not. I realized that my beliefs and behavior were influenced by whole lot of people who didn’t know me, care about, support me or even like me. Yikes! What a wake-up call!

During my self-discovery journey, I was forced to analyze my history to identify patterns, themes and the orgins of my bad behavior. I had to understand why I  sabotaged my success, happiness, relationships and health. I was forced to evaluate my perspectives and define my truth, and honestly 25 years ago, I didn’t know I even had a truth. Imagine that.

I am not alone; many people are and have been in the same boat. Many people today are struggling or have struggled to understand themselves. Some, like I did, have and continue to struggle to find their purpose, accept their calling or even understand the need for transformation. Most successful people I know have been to THE place, the place of truth that helped them jump-start their journeys of personal transformation.  I call THAT place “Blessings at the Bottom” (Chapter 39 in I Have Learned A Few Things).

Yes, most of us have been to that the scary, unfamiliar and agonizing place that demanded that we become more self-aware.  I am sure that we all can agree that THE place is a challenging place but it is also an exciting place. It is a place of great promise, great purpose, great clarity and of great relief. During THAT place, we were forced to look closer, deeper and broader at the choices that we made or honestly consider the choices that we were failing to make. We removed our defenses and we became emotionally transparent to ourselves; we didn’t hide from our histories, failures, mistakes and secrets.  We became self-aware and as result, we were ready to embark on our new journeys, our journeys of personal transformation.

As we learned in the previous post, self-AWARENESS is the first step toward personal transformation. After you conduct a full life inventory and commit to continuous self-discovery, the second step on the road to personal transformation is ACTION. Yes, ACTION! If you want a different life, you must make changes; you must do something and many times, do a lot of “somethings” differently. As we say in the South, “you just can’t talk about it, you got to be about it”.

But even though we know we must do something, it is the “doing” that scares us the most. It is the “doing” that keeps up stuck, stagnant and stale in our lives. It is the “doing” that seems insurmountable, unfathomable and just down right undoable.  It is the “doing” that reveals our fears, unravels our resolve and makes us abandon our dreams. It is the “doing” that frequently stops us or makes us settle for relationships that are unfulfilling, jobs that are underpaying and lives that are unsatisfying. The “doing”, the failure to take action, is what limits our successes and negates our future.

So how do we address the “doing” so that it feels doable? I don’t know all of the answers but I have a few thoughts.

• Get clear about what you want and who you want to be; determine your compelling WHY. Your WHY will create your vision, and your vision will guide and direct you. For example, when I started my healing journey, my WHY was that I no longer wanted to feel yucky inside. I was tired of feeling small, silent, suffocated and sidetracked. My WHY was not elaborate or deep; it was just honest.  More importantly, at the time that was all I could articulate but it was a great start. What’s your WHY?

• Identify the resources that you already have and identify what you are already know. When I started my personal transformation, I knew that I had some money and I knew that I needed therapy. I knew that my prolonged feelings of malaise and sadness were not normal. I didn’t know too much more than that but knowing those few things was critical to me moving forward in my life.  So what do you already have and what do you already know?

• Take a step, make a call, start a class, join a group or find support. I would say read a book but I have learned that reading books in isolation is never enough for sustained growth. Books provide concepts but an activity, practice or coaching provides the application. And to make the changes that you want in your life, you need both concepts and application. Just think about. You can read a book about swimming all day long but until you jump in the pool do you know if you can really swim? The same principle applies when learning new life skills. So, what are you doing to use, practice, apply or implement the knowledge that you are learning?

• Don’t worry about understanding all the details. You may never know all of the details before you start a business, pursue your dreams or embark on a healing journey. Learn as much as you can and get started. No, don’t be reckless or careless; be calculating, prudent and analytical. But after you obtain as much information as you can, MOVE, DO, GO, BE, and TRY! Take action…..bold action. As you take a few steps toward your goals, more information, resources and support will show up. Trust me…I have been there.
• Only focus on 3 – 5, preferably only 3, things that you want to improve or change at one time. Some coaches may disagree with me on this. However, from working with all types of clients, I have learned that personal transformation is challenging, and trying to do too much at once often becomes overwhelming. And what do overwhelmed people routinely do? They procrastinate or they QUIT! So, honor yourself. Organize your life and focus on a few things so you don’t fall out, fall down and fall asleep. Trust me, it happens.
• Remember that success is a process, and sometimes a messy process. This weekend one of my mentors said something that resonated in my spirit. He said that “sloppy success is better than perfect mediocrity”. Wow…as we say in the Christian faith -  that was an on-time word. That phrase freed me! I now feel more creative, more committed and more courageous to pursue my own dreams. That little phrase empowered and embolden me to Soar Higher!

I encourage you to take Action! Never forget that motion motivates, activates and elevates. So get started because today is the first day of the rest of your life. And, don’t forget to get some support on your journey. If you need coaching or assistance, please feel free to call the Jamison Group.  We would love to provide you with support and guidance as you embark on your new life.

Always remember to DARE to SOAR HIGHER because You are ALWAYS worth your best!

(Reprinted from my upcoming book, I Have Learned A Few Things About Success)

If you are interested in being added to my mailing list, please click HERE. We would love to connect with you.

Blessings,

SharRon Jamison, MBA
The Jamison Group LLC
Life Coach, Author, Inspirational Speaker
www.SharRonJamison.com
www.IHaveLearnedAFewThings.com

What's Blocking You?

Have you ever thought about what’s really holding you back in your life? No, really. Have you thought about why you continue to stay in a joyless, sexless and unfulfilling relationship? Or, why you continue to work an unrewarding, unsatisfying and low-paying job? Or, why you continue to associate with people who have low goals, no goals or no guts? Or, why you participate in organizations that demonize, disappoint or degrade you and others? Or, why you associate with people who are envious of you and secretly covet your life? Have you truly thought about those things?

To be honest, I really did not consider those questions myself until one day I woke up and realized that I was lost. I woke up and found myself confused about my career, puzzled about my purpose, baffled by my relationship, mystified by my faith and confounded by the choices that I was FAILING to make. Yes, I was shocked when I realized that I was not making decisions at all; I was just letting life happen. I was not choosing anything; I was settling for whatever and whomever came in my life. And boy, did I settle. I sold myself short personally and professionally.

But thankfully, I have learned that living and creating a fulfilling life required that I make decisions. Yes, living a satisfying life required me to participate fully in the life process even when I didn’t feel equipped, qualified or confident enough to make informed choices. Even when I didn’t want to or feel up to it, I learned that I had to be the leader, director, and organizer of my life; I had to be the boss of me. Prepared or not, I learned that I had to guide, manage and love myself enough to make decisions that helped me  SOAR.

Those decisions are not always easy and sometimes the options are less than desirable. But being the boss is not always easy and not making a decision is really a decision too. Something to consider right?

My clients often ask me the same question, “How do I become the boss of me?”  It is a simple question, but simple questions rarely have simple answers. But here is what I offer.
 

I first tell my clients, who I call my teachers, to become AWARE. I encourage them to be become AWARE of what moves them, soothes them, angers them, motivates them, stresses them, relieves them, inspires them, etc.  I advise them to conduct a monthly and sometimes a weekly self-inventory to learn what makes them tick, sick and stick. I encourage them to find out what makes them uncomfortable and then fully explore that discomfort. I hope I inspire them to learn what brings them peace, growth and liberation so that they can “live” in that space for the rest of their lives. Finally, I encourage them to get quiet and still so that they can hear the whispers from their souls because that is where our truth lies.

 

Becoming aware and staying aware won’t be easy, especially with all of their distractions that vie for our attention and challenge our minds. But I implore you to try. Try to be become more AWARE of the amazing person you already are, and try to stay committed to growing into the more amazing person you hope to be.  Because once you become aware, you will better appreciate who you are, recognize your full potential, discern what’s good and who is good for your spirit, and transform your life into greater abundance.

Awareness is the first step.  I look forwarding to sharing the other 4 steps in the coming weeks. So stay tuned.

I wish you success on your journey to greater AWARENESS. You can do it! I know you can. We are on this journey together.

If you are interested in working with me to gain more self AWARNESS, please contact me.  I am always here to support and serve you!

Blessings to you always!

 

 

Blessings!

SharRon Jamison 
www.sharronjamison.com
www.IHaveLearnedafewthings.com
www.icandependonme-sharronjamison.com
 

 

Chapter 24: Stumble but Don't Stop, Success is a Process

I have learned that on your road to success, you will stumble. On your journey to greatness and significance, you will have mishaps, you will make mistakes, and you will make miscalculations. You may slip, trip, and fall even when you have properly planned, prepared, and positioned yourself to win. Unfortunately, you may also lose your balance because of competing demands, and you may lose your footing under the weight of mounting pressures. You may wallow, waver, and wobble privately and occasionally publicly. Stumbling is inevitable when you passionately pursue your dreams.

But it is at those critical times when you are slipping and sliding your way to success that you will be forced to make a critical choice. You will need to decide if you will become discouraged and stop or if you will become courageous and proceed. Both are choices, decisions, and options that only you can make. But remember that your decision will directly determine and/or influence your destiny and the trajectory of your life. Your choice will determine if you move closer to your dream or if you will move further away from your purpose.

So when, not if, you stumble, I hope you will choose to stumble but not stop. I hope you will use your mistakes to help you correct your course and redirect your efforts. I hope you will use your miscalculations to reassess your strategies and reallocate your resources. I pray that you will use your mishaps to consider new ideas and ponder new approaches. I hope that your slips encourage you to reevaluate paradigms and explore creative options. I hope your blunders reveal your true friends and expose your most destructive foes.

What I know for sure is that a stumble is just an event or experience; it is not an ending. It may be a fumble but not a finish. It is an error but not an exit. It is not just a loss but a lesson. It is not a defeat; it’s data. It is not fatal; it is fruitful. Stumbling is a process of small failures that set us up for significant victories. So be encouraged. Never forget that we stumble up to success; we don’t fall to fail.

Stumbling is a critical part of our journey. It plays an important role in our development and refinement processes. That’s good news! So follow your dreams, and don’t worry if you stumble, because the stumbles we make today will prepare us for whatever emerges tomorrow. So stumble but get back up, stand up, move up, and don’t give up, because God will always show up.

Are you ready to stumble? I am. Can’t wait to see where our stumbling leads us.

This is an excerpt from SharRon's newly released book,

I Have Learned A Few Things.

Accepting Pre-orders now...

http://sharronjamison.com/product/i-have-learned-a-few-things/

Blessings!

SharRon Jamison 
www.sharronjamison.com
www.IHaveLearnedafewthings.com
www.icandependonme-sharronjamison.com
www.createloveforwomen.com

Don’t forget to register for the Journey to Wellness Retreat. September will be soon!

Click here for more information

10 Days of Gratitude: Day 9 - Gratitude Video by Onyx Keeshaa

First and foremost I thank you! I am truly honored to be a part of Create Love "10 days of Gratitude series". As a filmmaker I decided to make a video. I decided to do the video bare without makeup and as transparent as possible, for me that is what gratitude is all about. Being bare, open, transparent and THANKFUL for all of you without any fluff. Please enjoy the video.

Below are links to some of my work. Once again thank you so much! 

www.onyxkeesha.com

www.theonyxacademy.com

CHURCH HURT TRAILER (my next project)

http://youtu.be/DaApfYSe70I

Never Forget Part 1 and Part 2
http://youtu.be/Aj3LjDLT3Dc

Shattered Serenity
http://youtu.be/ku40ABRq3jE

10 Days of Gratitude: Day 8 - Be Grateful by C.C. Carter

Sometimes we forget.   Forget to see gratefulness in the details of the everyday and everything. 

We forget that breathing today means we get to recreate the life we want again. Second by second, moment by moment we get to start again and as a result we should be grateful for that.

We get stuck. Stuck on the situation we are in now, the financial debts we have acquired again, the loved ones we have lost once more.  We get stuck in the loss, the pain, the suffering and we forget that in this second of awareness we once had a gain before the loss, a joy before the pain, we had living before the suffering. We forget that we should have been grateful when we had them and we punish ourselves because we recognize we should have been more present in those moments, with those people, in those experiences.  For as the gospel song states, it is never too late to…

Be grateful.

Be grateful.

God has not promised me sunshine,
That's not the way it's going to be;
But a little rain mixed with God's sunshine,
A little pain makes me appreciate the good times. 

Be grateful, be grateful.
For it will be alright... (Kurt Carr)

We forget to learn from the lessons of the past so we can be truly grateful of moments of clarity, of moving through, of persevering on, in spite of.   We forget to be grateful that guess what? I’m still here.  We forget to not get stuck in the “why” something is happening or the reason I’m going through this or went through that”.  We forget to be present in the moment and ask the real question, “What have I learned or am learning as a result of the experience.”  For when you can truly answer those questions, you can move on to being present in the now.

Flowing from my heart
Are the issues of my heart
It’s gratefulness (Hezekiah Walker)

No one is asking you to forget, no one is asking you to not be angry or hurt still. But what you should remind yourself is “From these experiences, I’ve learned ____________ and in this moment, this second…. inhale… I am grateful for… exhale… this moment of gratefulness”

C.C. CaCarla (C.C.) Carter, Ph.D. is a lifetime educator, having spent over 27 years as a teacher and administrator in junior high and high school settings. She is currently the curriculum and compliance specialist at Joshua Johnston Fine Arts and Design Charter School in Chicago.  She is the lead coordinator for the development of the Lorde-Rustin Social Justice Educational Program, to be opened in the Spring of 2015, which will serve 75 high school and older adult LGBTQ and allied students wishing to receive a diploma.  She is a Master Teacher Trainer in the areas of Brain-Based Learning, Multiple Intelligences and teaching to Diverse Learners.   In addition to her educational career, C.C. is an award-winning poet, has been published in over 15 anthologies and is a staple on the Women's Music Festival circuit including as a principle artist for Olivia Travel, a Lesbian travelling company. Her work as an activist for women and youth has earned her two places in the Chicago Gay and Lesbian Hall of Fame. She recently earned her Doctorate of Divinity and a Ph.D. in Christian Education.rter
Executive Director, POW-WOW Inc773.592.3492
POWWOWInc@gmail.com

10 Days of Gratitude: Day 7 - Return to Gratitude By TaMeicka L. Clear

When I think of gratitude, I think about how practicing gratitude positively affects my vibration. We hear about the practice of gratitude and about raising our vibration and how having a higher vibration can produce a happy life and even promote manifesting things in life that we want. Often I have found myself having to go back to the basics of the purpose of exercising gratitude and the many benefits it has on my life. For many of us that deal with depression and anxiety, it seems there is always something that can take us from exercising gratitude and being present to being worried and taken out of the present! When in the middle of living life to the fullest, we can get out of practice with the things that sustain us. And that’s ok, it happens to the most savvy, spiritual, and enlightened of us. The thing is to recognize it, own it, and not stay there. If you find yourself needing to get back to the basics of practicing gratitude, here are some tips on how to come back to center.

First, find your base level:

When it comes to everyday life, like interactions with your partner(s), your children, and co-workers; or the business of life, like who is going to cook dinner, or what time you need to leave work to make it to the kid’s game, or how long do you have to eat dinner before going to your second job; we can easily get caught up in the next task and find ourselves spiraling.  The next thing you know, it’s been 3 weeks since you thought about what being so busy means to you on a soul level and you might find yourself questioning if you even enjoy your life! In moments like this, stop and take a deep breath. No seriously, stop. Nudge yourself to remember why you are doing the things you are doing.  A base level is about being able to get to the point of it all. You might say “I’m rushing to class because I’m going to have a degree (or certificate or skills) that will assist me in some way that is meaningful. It won’t always be like this.”  Base levels are the reasons behind the task. When you can get back to this place, you can think about the task a little more present to its meaning and begin the path back to gratitude. You can then begin to say, “Wow, I’m juggling a lot. I’m pushing myself now so that I can reach my goal. It’s ok to have a hard time from time to time. I just have to keep in mind why I’m doing this and soon, I will be on to the next goal/task!” The base level takes you out of complaining, avoiding, or sulking. When you’ve reached a point where you have to connect to your base, that is the best time to just take it easy on yourself and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. Base levels are about owning whats really going on and being gentle with yourself in the process.  Once you've done this you are already closer to your center and on your way to your gratitude practice.

Next, connect with your will:

In my study of chakras, energy centers through the body that help us balance our vibration and aura, I find the “will” to be very helpful in connecting with gratitude once I have been able to get connected to my base.  There are names for the energy centers of the body and the one at the center of our being, our core, is called the Will Chakra. It governs just what it says, our will. Your will sits at the center of your being and is connected to what many call “your gut”. It’s that often unexplained part of you that might say “I don’t know what it is but something seems off. I better not go that way today”. While it is good at protecting you, it is also good at helping you to do/perform task, to manifest, and to balance the amount of energy you give to a task. So say you have remembered why you are doing the things you are doing, you have found your base and you're  beginning to feel connected to your task again. Now you can connect to how much of your current actions are helping you reach your goal and if you need to do some self care or adjusting in any way.  This is about sitting with your inner self and working through if what you are doing is aiding you in your goal, distracting you from your goal, or if you need a break in routine, etc. Connecting to your will can be about asking yourself questions that get to the bottom of your intention for your task. Are you trying to do “too much”, too soon? Do you need to slow down or maybe even take a day off? Connecting to your will can help you get in touch with the things we have to DO in the world with much more intention to ensure that we are not just doing busy work and that we are busy doing work that matters! Your inner knowing will always work to protect you and keep you in alignment with you highest good. Getting in touch with you will by asking yourself some tough questions can really help you say in alignment with your highest self. So get in there and ask those tough questions to find the intention behind your task and adjust accordingly.

Lastly, come back to gratitude

Now that you have moved from the base, to the center, you can come back to gratitude with some clarity and receptiveness. You can begin to believe it when you say “I am grateful for my job” because you have worked yourself back to a place of meaning it rather than sort of reciting it out  of habit or reciting it in hopes that you'll mean it eventually. It’s not that we are ever not grateful for the things we have, the things we are able to do, or the people in our lives, but navigating life has a funny way of taking the focus off of that gratitude. We don’t become ungrateful, we get out of touch with our soul level wisdom. Things become task to get done and  move on to the next. You forget why you wanted it in the first place, or you get hit hard with a set back at work or financially and you focus there. Slowly, your vibration begins to drop until you no longer feel as connected to the things you are doing and thus not really able to practice gratitude or FEEL grateful. Once you move your vibration back to this point you can return to gratitude heart centered and honestly. When your emotions are in alignment with what you are saying they produce a much more powerful energy. This allows practicing gratitude to be that sustaining force that it is for so many. You can return to your gratitude journal, or gratitude morning ritual, or acts of gratitude  such as  giving a little extra to the server, or donating to a cause, or thank you notes to those you are grateful for.  All the ways that you express your gratitude can be potent and continue to produce the kind of energy that allows for expansion, joy, and fulfillment in life.

There are many that don't live with depression or anxiety and might still find that you need to figure out how to raise your vibration through gratitude. When living with depression and anxiety, you might find yourself having to do this work to get back to center often. But the work is worth it and soon, it won't take as long as it use to. We can live our lives with joy, contentment, faith, and possibility if we take it one day at a time, and allow ourselves to keep it real about where we are at and release any shame attached to it. I practice gratitude because it keeps me tapped into the beauty of this life and helps me vibrate at a level of appreciation and thankfulness that produces joy and excitement about life. I haven’t always been able to do that and I'm not always able to stay here. If you live with depression and/or anxiety, I encourage you to give this process a try. It has helped sustain me more often than I can count. I hope it helps you too!

TaMeicka L. Clear is a Spiritual and Emotional Wellness Coach, a Body Positive Coach, and Social Issues Educator. Meicka is an ordained minister, an Ifa practitioner, Reiki Level 1 practitioner, and studies numerology and tarot. She is an empath and intuitive healer that focuses on co-creating programs and healing spaces with people of color, women, and LGBTQIA people.

Visit her website at www.clear-understandings.com

10 Days of Gratitude: Day 6 - I get it…I finally get it; this human experience By Sandra Valls

This human experience is hard, lovely, lonely, beautiful, painful, joyful, magnificent, breathtaking, devastating, challenging, healing, unpredictable, peaceful, chaotic, unfair, divine, scary, magical, wonderful, awful, frustrating, kind, sweet, enlightening, blissful, painful, amazing, happy…….

It’s trusting to be led and having the strength to lead.

It’s gathering the shards of your broken heart and mending it together again and again….and dammit really? …yet again. Then it’s being brave enough to gift it to that beautiful, worthy one with outstretched arms.

It’s attracting and welcoming kindness.

It’s letting fear and joy pour from your eyes.

It’s shedding the old and making room for new.

It’s purging dark and reveling in the light.

It’s learning to be open while still shielding yourself.

It’s scraping, crawling, walking, running, flying.

It’s embracing your calling.

It’s accepting yourself...learning to love yourself just as you are.

It’s touching, hearing, breathing, tasting.

It’s mastering balance.

It’s letting your soul speak through creativity.

It’s being vulnerable enough to feel….really feel.

It’s running through the woods, swimming in the ocean, dancing in the rain, curling in your bed.

It’s laughing from the gut.

It’s one day at a time.

It’s losing control to a piece of music.

It’s losing and finding yourself in a lover.

It’s letting someone see you. See. You.

It’s waiting for the one and then finding out it’s you all along.

It’s conquering your fears.

It’s proving yourself.

It’s all ages.

It’s all genders.

It’s…it’s…

But through all this…it’s a shared experience. It’s a shared journey. We are here to heal each other, help each other, guide each other towards our growth…our mission in life. We are all beautiful and scared and lovable and WORTHY. Ase. And as I write, I’m lost in a piece of music…this piece of music that has followed me for over 20 years. A beautiful reminder. It has again escaped the speaker, danced through the air, penetrated my big, beautiful, fragile heart, and pushed out the fear that is now flowing freely down my cheeks.

And through it all, I am grateful. Grateful that I am alive to feel and live all of this. Grateful that I get to create more or less, sooner or later. Grateful that I chose to be born. Grateful for my mission. Most of all, Grateful for the awareness that I must be grateful. I am grateful for even the things some people take for granted. I say grace not just for a meal but for a cup of water…a cup of coffee…even a snack. There was a time in my life when I couldn’t afford even a little bag of chips. Maybe it took that for me to awaken to the ‘little’ things the Universe provides. I make it a point to stop, notice and thank the universe for any and everything. Thanking the most high with outstretched arms today for all my blessings…all of them. I want to feel all….I receive…everything my glorious life has to offer.  Bring it. I am ready. Ase.

Sandra Valls  is a brash, high energy, smart, outrageously funny, Latina comic… and then some! Voted by Latina Magazine as one of the Top 33 Bad Ass Comics with Latin Roots, Sandra performs to standing room only, sold out comedy shows all over the country. She’ll make you laugh till your face hurts with her frank, no holds barred comedic genius!

Sandra Valls is also an actor, singer (go to videos for a taste) and a published author. Pick up your copy of Out of the Edge:America’s Rebel Comics. A funny and illuminating piece about what it’s like to be a lesbian and a woman of color in the comedy world.

To learn more about Sandra visit.:www.welovesandra.com

SANDRA VALLS - HOLY NOW (Peter Mayer)

10 Days of Gratitude: Day 5 - JOY! JOY! JOY! By Karen Williams, M.Ed

Tis the season to be...

Joyful? Just how am I supposed to do that? Or be that? What is joy anyway?

I have to admit that I am happy when I get the things I want; or get to be with someone with whom I want to share my time and energy. I feel rapture when I have a new love or get another car. (I've had 47 of them and I still get excited!) I can even feel ecstasy when more money mystically falls into my lap. But joy...that's an elusive one and I finally figured out why.

Because true joy has nothing to do with me and my wants and needs or desires. I get to experience joy when I do something for someone else without any expectation of something in return. It really is that simple. Yet giving without expecting to receive is challenging to our lesser ego, that part of ourselves that seeks validation and is crushed when we don't get it.

I was asked by a dear friend to accompany her to a church this Thanksgiving to serve meals. I did not know what to expect. However, I was very excited because I'd never done anything like that before. Tables were neatly arranged to seat six and were covered with colorful cloths with autumnal centerpieces featuring small pumpkins and gourds. Volunteers were assigned to teams of order takers, runners, and servers, with four tables given to each team. I decided to be a server, which gave me the opportunity to assist the order takers by getting plates of food and bringing them to the tables. I also got to meet and greet folks, and pay close attention to their needs.

Deeply touched by the generosity of spirit and love that permeated the dining room, I immersed myself in the environment...listening, sharing, encouraging, laughing. There was plenty of food and the server crew packed up bundles of take-away packages for those present and shut-ins who were unable to take part in the Thanksgiving meal. And what a delicious meal it was! Roasted turkey with all the fixings, green beans, beets, mashed and sweet potatoes, and a special dessert of pumpkin pie and whipped cream. One little fellow put so much whipped cream in his cup of hot chocolate that he could only manage a bite or two of dinner. Along with his packaged meal, I sent him home with an extra packet of cocoa. The big smile he gave me warmed my heart.

Although I was not with my biological family members for the holiday, I can honestly say that I felt like a part of a bigger family. It was as though I was serving at a fine restaurant with the warmest, kindest, most grateful clientele ever. When I looked around the room, I experienced deep stirrings of gratitude and joy, empathy and compassion.

"These people are me... I have felt alone or like no one cared about me. I've had hard times and somehow made it through." Although I'd thought that I was there to do something for someone, everyone in that room helped me feel a little more connected to them and to that universal spirit that connects all of us.

So the next time I want to feel JOY, I know what to do. I plan to step out of myself and do something for someone else, just because it feels so good! In fact, I know where I'll be on Christmas Eve!

Karen Williams, M.Ed, taught Stand-Up Comedy in the Dramatic Arts department of Cleveland State University; studied improv at Second City Chicago; and directed inaugural comedy classes at Second City in Cleveland.  Karen continues to perform comedy worldwide and star in television commercials while teaching acting and improvisational comedy at ProModel and Talent Management, training students to compete at IMTA (International Model and Talent Agency) Conventions in New York and Los Angeles.

Karen Williams, M.Ed

Founder / CEO

HaHA Institute

For the Best in Stand-Up Comedy, Humor Education and 

Motivational Speaking

www.hahainstitute.com

haha@multiverse.com

216-548-0197

Copyright 2014. All Rights Reserved.



10 Days of Gratitude: Day 3 - There is No Shame in Fat, Only Hurt By Lisa D. Bowie

The truth is sometimes I don't sleep very well, and this night and early morning once again rendered sleeplessness. It started with a pain in one of my relatively “new” titanium knees, as I have recently found my way back to the gym and walking. Just to later find myself in an air cast as result of Achilles tendonitis. This, I’m sure due to my tenacity and overzealous spirit that won’t let me give up my battle against the bulge – a battle I will fight to the end no matter what may come my way. Funny thing is at 51 this fight feels so much more difficult than at 30 or even 40 for that matter. However, the desire to have good health and a visually accepting physical appearance remain the same regardless of my age. But it’s hard to deny I’ve grown weary and tired both literally and figuratively speaking; however I still no longer want to be included in that statistic that states that 80% of African-American women are considered to be obese. I hate that word!

Fortunately for me my strong sense of self and a Mount Everest sized self-esteem I have not been made to feel self-conscious about my weight. I seem to do a good job of that without any help. Although, I have had the occasional remark from family members – “you have such a beautiful face.” When translated means if you weren’t fat you would simply be beautiful by my standards. Or my personal favorite, “how are you ever going to get a husband if you don’t lose some weight?” So, I guess it’s a good thing I’m a lesbian, so I won’t ever have to feel the sting of a man’s rejection because of weight issues. Yet, while I have come through this type of ridicule for the most part unscathed, some of these remarks at times still hurt and have remained with me just as the childhood memories of only being able to fit plus-size tough skin jeans or the “chubette” (is that even a word) size dresses that I hated wearing in the first place.

For a few years now I have been trying my best to counter the damage of our culture with regards to size, and at times age - one of two characteristics I have struggled to embrace the better part of my life, as I have always been a “thick” sistah. The other is a completely new struggle altogether - my own quiet-held fear and at times self-hate that can be suffocating. Everywhere I turn I am constantly reminded of what I’m not – White, blonde and blue-eyed. Coming to terms with this brutal scrutiny of myself I now understand the time to counter these self-destructive thoughts and beliefs must begin immediately with the attempt to love myself as I once did, but now feels like so many years ago. I recognize it is time to claim every roll of fat, mark, scar and far from-perfect inch of my own body – a body that has been called "too fat" by me more than anyone else. Me, a person who understands the importance and purpose of loving oneself, but still finding it difficult to even like the bare naked truth of me in front of a mirror.


Until recently I had been totally oblivious to the viciousness of my own words that have been self-inflicted. Words that hurt most when spoken silently, subconsciously and continuously while internalizing them deep within me. I realize I would NEVER diminish myself in this way for anyone else, so I must stop the diminishing of me by me. While I am long from seeing my body in a beautiful light, I know I must continue to work hard to find, shape and see the beauty in it as it is now, just as I see the beauty of my mind and heart.

“Fat Shaming” can be one of the most humiliating things to ever experience, but “fat shaming” can be the most spirit-crushing and life-threatening at the hands of self. And I want to live a shame-free life. – By Lisa D. Bowie



Lisa is a scholar in training residing in Atlanta, Ga. She has been writing career-related articles since 2009, poetry and editorial opinions since 2010. Her articles have appeared on eXaminer.com, NewsFlavor.com, AuthSpot.com and Bizcovering.com. By trade, she is a human resources professional and possesses more than 20 years of experience, as well as an Assistant Professor. Lisa holds a Master of Arts degree in Humanities and Masters in Education, both from Tiffin University. Last, but not least Lisa loves her wife.