Happy Single Highlight: Claudia

CLAUDIA MOSS

from Margate, Florida
 

Since you have been single, what have you learned about yourself? I have learned that I have been more guarded than I’d like to believe about myself. I have faced the fact that I would rather continue learning about who I am and what I prefer in a partner within the parameters of a relationship. I’ve had numerous opportunities to practice the art of compromise, and I, as Mariah sings, “want to know what love is,” what romantic love nestled in friendship is. I feel more than understand that my essence longs to intimately know another, yearns to connect on all the levels that two people can become one.

I know that I love life. That I want to discover the joys of each new day with a woman who makes my soul salute the power that called us into being. I want to know what it feels like to realize I desire to be with someone through the quick and thick of life, married by vows, bound by love. I realize this life is not half as redolent as it is when unconditional love underlies a relationship.

What are you doing now to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship? Each day I fall deeper in love with me so that I can more adequately love and adore another. I know that if I do not love and accept all aspects of myself, during times I judge myself good or bad, I can never really love and accept another like I’d want to be loved. I prepare myself for a relationship by observing others in my everyday experience, by reading about wholesome healthy unions on “The Create Love for Women” blog and by viewing the interactions of the couples I adore on YouTube.

What areas do you tend to struggle with most in relationships? Communication. Ironically, if I deem my opinions or thoughts might hurt someone, I won’t say anything at all, and when that happens, the relationship is over. Perhaps this is a coping mechanism that feeds into my former need to be liked, no matter what. In the past, if I was attracted to a person, I’d shut down, clam up and go stone unresponsive. I’m uncertain, but that may have been a coping mechanism as well---one that protected me emotionally from feeling rejected. And as a child, I came of age under the practice of children being seen and not heard. As a girl, I had even less of a voice, so I grew older learning to swallow my voice to keep what I thought was the peace or pieces of me. Today, I relish the blessing of my verbosity...though I’ve yet to taste that verbal delight in a loving relationship.

What characteristics and traits do you find most compatible? Which ones are most problematic and why? I find a humorous, gentle, soft-spoken, erotic, sensually raw, knowledgeable, generous, courageous, fun loving, respectful, trustworthy, family oriented, adventurous, direct, tactful and vulnerable spirit to be compatible with me. I adore acts of service and loving affirmations.

Characteristics and traits that are most problematic for me include: abrasiveness, a willingness to believe the worst, antagonistic, combative, rude, argumentative, verbally abusive, and being loudly abusive to others. Some people exhibiting these characteristics usually feel as if everybody is out to get them and they must fight to not feel as if they are being taken advantage of in some way. I will not spend my time at war with a beloved. I want to relish all the ways I can love her and she me.


What do you love about love? I love the effect love has on me, the way I want to express my love, the restorative power of love and the possibilities of love to help us save ourselves. I love the reality that once you open yourself to love and loving you want to love more and love more deeply, more richly.

I love that love possesses the power to bridge divides between people. I love that it is the most powerful force in the universe, that it truly covers a multitude of sins. I love that love allows people to be exactly as they are so that their growth process comes out of what they need from that inner wellspring of Divine energy.

What has being in a relationship taught you about you? Being in a relationship has taught me that I need more practice with learning to share myself more with my mate, to learn balance and patience. I have learned that being open and vulnerable is a good thing, that being free and cultivating a loving space in which to be nonjudgmental with oneself and others is the foundation for an unconditionally loving union.

What do you admire about yourself? I admire my joviality, my readiness to share my smile with the world, my ability to empathize with others and my proclivity to accept where I am and move forward with positivity. I love my legs, my breasts, my locs and my overall sensuality. I admire my propensity to explore, to walk where others might fear to go or to embrace people at whom others may frown.

How would your friends describe you? I think my friends would describe me as fun loving, adventurous, childlike, generous, eccentric, sensual and passionate. Most would say I’m creative and carefree, hardworking and caring and resourceful and spiritual.

What do you like to do for fun and why? I love the drive-in, preparing colorful meals, dancing, traveling, attending cultural events, playing on the beach and enjoying long leisurely walks. Since I am a movie person with a predilection for romances, the drive-in satisfies my itch for movies and romance in one divine location. Eating healthy, raw meals now allows me to honor my mind, body and soul as I savor a much more wholesome life. Today I know with a visceral knowing that eating raw is more than a diet; it’s indeed a lifestyle. A strong, healthy body in motion is beautiful, so dancing, playing on the beach and taking long walks titillate me. Traveling and attending cultural events feed my love for the beauty of art in people and places.

What is our love language and how did you learn that about yourself? My love language is acts of service and verbal affirmations. I love it when people to whom I am attracted are Present enough to do things for me that I adore. I love it when someone pays attention to the things I do and say, and I love sweet nothings in a telephone call, text, card and, definitely, in person. When I pay attention to how I feel when someone is exhibiting the above behavior towards me in a sincere attraction, it makes me feel warm and electric inside.

 Finish this sentence…..Before I die I want to ____. Before I die, I want to marry again and love my wife well, with a deep and passionate love. I want to experience life anew each day and night with her. Before I die, I want a long, lucrative career as an author, speaker, philanthropist and talk show personality. Before I die, I want to travel the world, to skinny dip on exotic shores, to drench my taste buds with foods from around the world, to read my work to appreciative audiences, to see my work on stages and screens and to make love on a Fiji beach. Before I close my eyes for the last time, most importantly, romantically, I want to love and be loved in return.

How important is spirituality to you? Spirituality is extremely important to me. I begin and end my days in a peaceful Stillness, in which I am seeking nothing from the Divine. My purpose is to simply abide in pure gratitude with the Universe in the oneness of love and light. When I open a space, conscientiously, for Spirit to manifest in my life, what I desire appears effortlessly. And I talk to the Divine and seek to listen more than I talk, preferring Silence. In this Stillness, answers appear, lessons clarify and perplexity bows. Now this does not mean I wake up with a winning lottery ticket under my pillow each morning. It simply means that I am precisely where I am supposed to be, learning the lessons I came to learn, experiencing things I am supposed to experience, and understanding that the most important aspect of it all is knowing that the Divine is my co-pilot on this exhilarating journey of mi vida.

What important lesson did you learn from your mother that has helped you in life and in relationships? Although my mother transitioned when I was in the tenth grade, before she left, she taught me to be the best that I can be in every situation and to not waste time complaining. My mother was a reading mother, so at her feet, I learned to cherish the voice and the power of words in a sacred place. Thus, I enjoy reading at midnight to a beloved, to set a romantic mood, to regale her with a good story and to share my own work with my beloved.

You inherited your love for the written and spoken word from your loving mother. What a blessing! Thank you, SharRon. My mother bought me a spiral-bound notebook when I was a preteen. In it, I wrote my first novel about a teenage girl, who traveled to Europe as an exchange student. I took the time, even then, to research the details of my setting, and when my mother read the piece, she praised me and the story and had me to share it with the family. From the start, she recognized my gift; she knew who I was, and she encouraged it. I was always verbal, and I excelled at anything word-based or language-based.

I admire your work. You are a talented writer, creative artist, powerful performer, insightful radio host and a discerning “spirit”. What inspires you to create? Again, many, many sweet thanks, SharRon! And to answer your question, I will capsule it in one word: Love! Love inspires me to create. Everything I do I want it to manifest Love in the world. Even when I go astray in my loving of myself or others, in my behavior or in my thoughts, the Power of Love brings me back to my loving self eventually. No matter if we, as people, have gone terribly astray in our “perceived” loving and actually leaped into hurting others, I believe, the Divine, on Divine Time, stands up, takes charge and has us to realize Love’s Presence and Grace.

You can also find Claudia at the following links:

Claudia Moss LIVE – www.Talkshoe.com
www.Facebook.com/claudia.moss.35

www.Twitter.com/TheLadySiren

www.Twitter.com/WandaBWonders
http://sistahsontheshelf.com/?p=4459

http://claudiamoss.wordpress.com/
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/search?q=claudia-moss

Books by Claudia Moss:

Wanda B. Takes the Cake: Another Wanda B. Wonders Affair (The Wanda B. Wondes Series)

If You Love Me, Come

Soft Tsunami
 
Claudia has contributed to several anthologies, including Purple Panties.

(Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)

We thank you for sharing your journey of happiness in singlehood! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other singles. We wish you continued success and happiness. www.createloveforwomen.com

Create Love -- Founders

Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison
 

The Art of Lesbian Sex

Do you know what the largest sex organ is in the human body? Drum roll…you guessed it! It is the brain. The brain is the gateway to meaningful intimacy and the greatly desired phenomenal orgasm. The Art of Lesbian Sex is an article that pays homage to that beautiful sex organ and the pursuit of a fulfilling sex life.

I’ve never seen anything conjure up an equal dose of excitement and embarrassment like the subject of sex among lesbians. Interestingly enough, if you get a group of lesbians in a room talking about sex you are sure to hear someone say, “Sex is not the most important thing for me.” And I would agree except for one caveat – when sex is the thing that is not working, then indeed it is important! I think that sex is as spiritual, emotional and essential as any other element of a relationship. There are many reasons to make sex a high priority in your fulfilling love life. This is not to say that there aren't some significant, loving and quality relationships wherein sex is not essential. However, this article is written for those who wish and desire to have and maintain a fully satisfying sex life as part of relationship sustainability.

Let’s explore the reasons to embrace sex as a significant part of your relationship:

1. Sex has extraordinary physical benefits that range from pain reduction, to stress management and weight control. Oh the joy! It is true. Sex is one of the best ways to release a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin is often referred to as the “love hormone”. The reason for its nickname has to do with its relationship to bonding, empathy and building trust. It sounds like a big bill to fill but oxytocin does it with no problem, which is why it is so essential for new mommies bonding with their babies.

In addition to this wonderful God-given hormone, sex also is a great way to burn calories and workout. And I don’t know about you but I’d rather have sex than go to LA fitness any day. While LA fitness is $36/month, sex is free--Well... :-)

Sex is a physical connection that softens you to your partner. It allows you to feel more compassion and closeness. The time before, and after, sex is equally as important as during. Cuddling and snuggling reduces stress and some studies show that it even reduces fear. So be sure to put as much time and thought into the prep work and the closing.

2. Sex is a spiritual connection. As a Buddhist I will leave the Bible quotes to my well-qualified business partner, Minister SharRon Jamison. However I think it is a common thread among most major religions that sex is sacred, and most enjoyable when shared with someone with whom you give your heart as well as your body. It allows you to be vulnerable and free. I am sure that most of you have heard of Tantric sex. It is the art of combining spiritual awareness with one’s sexuality. It is believed to deepen our consciousness while experiencing the highest form of pleasure. Whether you explore Tantric sex or simply embrace the concept of sex as a sacred act, you can allow yourself to be spiritually present when you make love. I promise it will be the greatest gift you allow God to give you and your partner.

3. Sex is a gateway to deepen your emotional connection. There are times when words simply do not express how much you love your partner. Making love is a way to exchange and express your feelings, hence the term. You can allow your fingers, lips and body to speak for you. The way you hold your partner and the sweet sounds and moans you offer her will tell her volumes. Not just about how you feel in the moment, but how you feel about her overall. Have you ever had someone merely touch your thigh and send you to faraway places of ecstasy? Conversely, have you ever had someone do every trick in the book, but it does absolutely nothing for you? Well if you answered yes to the latter, then you know that sex is the gateway to a deep emotional connection. However it can be as deep or as superficial as you allow.

This is the reason that lesbian death-bed is so dangerous to a relationship. Yes, we all get busy, get our feelings hurt and get focused on doing life. But you have to honor the sexual needs of your relationship too. Not just for your partner but for yourself as well. And sometimes it just takes a little intention to wake up that sleepy clitoris. And with 8000 nerve endings to stimulate, she will be delighted that you did! So don’t allow yourself to push it to the back burner. If you do, you’ll be sure to find yourself in more arguments and increased relationship stress.

4. I would be remiss as a counselor if I didn’t take a few moments to talk about some of the dysfunctions and sexual issues that can show up and cause a problem with a healthy sex life. For example, your partner may be a survivor of sexual abuse or violence. In which case, she may have body memories, or just a difficult time being touched or vulnerable. If any of this is true, for whatever reason it exists the onus is on both people to seek out the support and help needed to find out what works for the two of you. This should be done with understanding, empathy and compassion.

In addition I have heard way too often from studs/bois/butch women that they are often neglected sexually or not respected after being sexually open and vulnerable. It is my hope that we can move beyond this as a community to something more freeing and loving. Not every woman will want the same thing but we should be open to allowing a woman to express the full gamut of her sexuality, whether she is a stud, femme, or any of the myriad of ways lesbians embrace their identity.

5. Remember that sex is not just for couples. If you are single and not dating in any way, you can still have a healthy sex life through your imagination and masturbation. That’s right, I said it – masturbation! It is a healthy, sensual and loving way to satisfy your needs. I would encourage you to even be intentional about it and not just seek the orgasm. Instead spend time loving your body, touching your body and making love to yourself. It is a great way to explore how you like to be touched and what makes you feel good. So if you are single and dating yourself, make sure you get lucky at the end of the evening! :-)

Now, I entitled this article The Art of Lesbian Sex because, just like art, sex is unique to the individual experiencing it. And, just like art, a fulfilling sex life requires creativity. So here are some tips to expand on your artistic side:

-- Try something new! You might consider trying something you've never done before. There’s such a wide range of things available to explore with the right one. Discuss ways to feel safe. For example, find a safe word that signifies to your partner that you want to stop, or that you no longer feel comfortable. Maybe you can have a sensual date with your partner by taking her to the adult toy store and just touching and playing with the things you see. Even if you don’t buy anything you’ll get a kick out of seeing what she likes.

--Explore your fantasies. Fantasies aren’t always meant to become a reality. Sometimes it’s the joy of fantasizing that can be arousing. Can’t come up with the most creative fantasies… You are in luck! There are experts who have done it for you. Grab an erotic book... Like maybe one by Claudia Moss, Robin G. White or Fiona Zedde.  I promise you, you will be wet by the end of chapter one.

--Be sure to talk about sex before you’re in the middle of sex. Nothing dries up a vagina faster than saying the wrong thing in the middle of sex. You will go from swimming the ocean wide to crawling in the desert before you know it. So don’t do it to yourself. Have some conversation outside of that precious moment. Discuss your likes and dislikes and your willingness/unwillingness to step out of your comfort zone. Be sure to help your beloved win at finding your sweet spot. This way everyone wins.

Great Links:

Claudia Moss

Fiona Zedde
Robin G. White

Velvet Lips, LLC

10 Surprising Health Benefits to Sex

I honor you for taking the steps toward this LOVE REVOLUTION…Nya Akoma!

Namaste,

Imani Evans, MA
You can also find Imani at the Self-Care for Dynamic Women

Women Healing Women, Inc.

We will see you at the CREATE LOVE CONFERENCE on February 16, 2013!