From The Heart of a Daddy's Girl

Originally written for Women Healing Women it seemed most appropriate to share this article in a space that is driven by and for love. This is especially for all the adult daughters out there missing their Dads this Father's day.  

The Evans Family (L-R: Imani (me), Montsho (my brother), Renee Evans (my mom), and Rodell Evans (my Dad)

My dad and I were best buds growing up and remained so until his death in 1990. I certainly had a dichotomous relationship with my dad, who was the source of some of my pain as a child. However, my mind split the experience into tragedy and triumph in order to survive the pain and enjoy the part that worked. This is not uncommon for survivors and I am sure it will resonate for many of you.

My dad was super smart, well read and well-traveled. He taught me to question everything and to always be able to defend my intellectual position. He would engage me in debates, even when he agreed with me, just to ensure that I could effectively argue my point. Gosh, do I have some exes who would love to "thank" him for that one. LOL

I remember one day telling my dad that some boy said I was pretty. He looked at me with a very serious expression and said, "He's right. So what? Never be that impressed with that because you are so much more than pretty and he should admire you for all of it. Besides…boys will say anything to get what they want." And it was just understood that "what they wanted" meant sex. I appreciate my dad for that lesson because I have made everyone rise to that occasion because I internalized his words at age 13. It took me a while to bear fruit from that wisdom but the seed was planted right then.

This is an example of why dads are so critical to girls. They help us develop self-esteem with a balance of our masculine and feminine energy. Dads can leave a mark on his daughter's self-esteem that can carry her forward. He can help her turn inward for validation instead of looking for love in all the wrong places. 

My dad was not perfect, but none of that changed that he was my dad. I loved him...flaws and all. The day he died in Newark Beth Israel Hospital, a piece of my innocence died too. I miss him to this day and will think of him, specifically, on Father's Day--Rodell Evans. 

What I miss about my dad:

• I miss being able to pick up the phone and share revelations about the mundane: Like an interestingly shaped tree, or something cool I learned about birds. My dad was fascinated with these things as much as I was...or least he pretended for my sake :-).
• I miss celebrating big life events with him. When my dad was dying in the hospital I looked at him with all those tubes going into every orifice of his body and said, "Daddy, you gotta fight so that you can see my children when I have them." He looked at me with eyes of sadness and conviction; he slowly shook his head no--as if to apologize and answer me at the same time. I began to cry immediately because I knew he was tired and I had to accept his desire to stop struggling. My love had to be bigger than my selfishness to keep him with me.
• I miss having a male honor my own sense of masculinity. We all embody the feminine and masculine principle. While my outward expression is without doubt feminine--which I love--I also enjoy my masculine side. My father appreciated that in me and didn't seek to make my "girlness" about ponytails and cooking classes. I loved that about him.

What I learned from my dad:

• I learned that my intellect is as much my shine as is anything about my physical. 
• I learned that learning should not be driven by the need for a degree or a credential, but rather it must be driven by the thirst for knowledge as a personal achievement.
• I learned that to have friends all I need to do is focus on being a good friend.
• I learned that no matter how many years pass, I will always miss my daddy and that my life has to find a new normal. 

To all the Dads out there--- make no mistake that your daughter needs you!

"Studies show that dads give girls 90% of their self-esteem before the age of 12, she says."What this means is that girls that grow up without a dad in the home, or one who abandoned them, are always going to be a little bit less confident and sure of themselves than peers who grow up with a dad in the home."  National Parents Organization

Happy Father's day to all the men and women who have stepped into the role of Father for you child/children. Whether you are an uncle, step dad, family friend or mentor. You will never truly know how important you have been. However, I thank you and honor you today and forever!

Join the VIP list for the release of Unveiling the I Am

Nya Akoma,

Imani Evans, MA

www.imanievans.com

www.surviving2thriving.org

imani@surviving2thriving.org

(404) 944-6409

(800) 503-7849

Action Changes Things!

Have you ever felt as if you were stuck in a rut? I have. There have been times in my life when I have felt stuck, cemented and confined by people, policies, places and positions.  A few times I felt so emotionally trapped by routines, responsibilities and relationships that I stopped growing, learning, loving and living.  I was emotionally, intellectually, socially and spiritually sinking, and I was sinking fast.

Thankfully some wonderful coaches and counselors helped me change the trajectory of my life and now almost 25 years later, I have learned a few things.   I have learned that self-reflection is the first step to personal transformation. Yes, I learned that I had to learn more about me. I learned that I had to learn who I was devoid of expectations, fears, traditions, norms and facades. I had to discover who I was outside of what everybody else wanted me to be.   Trust me, that was difficult; it required peeling back layers of my personality that I never knew existed.

For me, self-reflection was a painstaking process because I had to take off the masks and remove my disguises; I could no longer hide. I also had to stop acting, and the funny thing was --  I didn’t know that I was even acting. I thought my beliefs and behavior were self-directed; I soon realized that they were not. I realized that my beliefs and behavior were influenced by whole lot of people who didn’t know me, care about, support me or even like me. Yikes! What a wake-up call!

During my self-discovery journey, I was forced to analyze my history to identify patterns, themes and the orgins of my bad behavior. I had to understand why I  sabotaged my success, happiness, relationships and health. I was forced to evaluate my perspectives and define my truth, and honestly 25 years ago, I didn’t know I even had a truth. Imagine that.

I am not alone; many people are and have been in the same boat. Many people today are struggling or have struggled to understand themselves. Some, like I did, have and continue to struggle to find their purpose, accept their calling or even understand the need for transformation. Most successful people I know have been to THE place, the place of truth that helped them jump-start their journeys of personal transformation.  I call THAT place “Blessings at the Bottom” (Chapter 39 in I Have Learned A Few Things).

Yes, most of us have been to that the scary, unfamiliar and agonizing place that demanded that we become more self-aware.  I am sure that we all can agree that THE place is a challenging place but it is also an exciting place. It is a place of great promise, great purpose, great clarity and of great relief. During THAT place, we were forced to look closer, deeper and broader at the choices that we made or honestly consider the choices that we were failing to make. We removed our defenses and we became emotionally transparent to ourselves; we didn’t hide from our histories, failures, mistakes and secrets.  We became self-aware and as result, we were ready to embark on our new journeys, our journeys of personal transformation.

As we learned in the previous post, self-AWARENESS is the first step toward personal transformation. After you conduct a full life inventory and commit to continuous self-discovery, the second step on the road to personal transformation is ACTION. Yes, ACTION! If you want a different life, you must make changes; you must do something and many times, do a lot of “somethings” differently. As we say in the South, “you just can’t talk about it, you got to be about it”.

But even though we know we must do something, it is the “doing” that scares us the most. It is the “doing” that keeps up stuck, stagnant and stale in our lives. It is the “doing” that seems insurmountable, unfathomable and just down right undoable.  It is the “doing” that reveals our fears, unravels our resolve and makes us abandon our dreams. It is the “doing” that frequently stops us or makes us settle for relationships that are unfulfilling, jobs that are underpaying and lives that are unsatisfying. The “doing”, the failure to take action, is what limits our successes and negates our future.

So how do we address the “doing” so that it feels doable? I don’t know all of the answers but I have a few thoughts.

• Get clear about what you want and who you want to be; determine your compelling WHY. Your WHY will create your vision, and your vision will guide and direct you. For example, when I started my healing journey, my WHY was that I no longer wanted to feel yucky inside. I was tired of feeling small, silent, suffocated and sidetracked. My WHY was not elaborate or deep; it was just honest.  More importantly, at the time that was all I could articulate but it was a great start. What’s your WHY?

• Identify the resources that you already have and identify what you are already know. When I started my personal transformation, I knew that I had some money and I knew that I needed therapy. I knew that my prolonged feelings of malaise and sadness were not normal. I didn’t know too much more than that but knowing those few things was critical to me moving forward in my life.  So what do you already have and what do you already know?

• Take a step, make a call, start a class, join a group or find support. I would say read a book but I have learned that reading books in isolation is never enough for sustained growth. Books provide concepts but an activity, practice or coaching provides the application. And to make the changes that you want in your life, you need both concepts and application. Just think about. You can read a book about swimming all day long but until you jump in the pool do you know if you can really swim? The same principle applies when learning new life skills. So, what are you doing to use, practice, apply or implement the knowledge that you are learning?

• Don’t worry about understanding all the details. You may never know all of the details before you start a business, pursue your dreams or embark on a healing journey. Learn as much as you can and get started. No, don’t be reckless or careless; be calculating, prudent and analytical. But after you obtain as much information as you can, MOVE, DO, GO, BE, and TRY! Take action…..bold action. As you take a few steps toward your goals, more information, resources and support will show up. Trust me…I have been there.
• Only focus on 3 – 5, preferably only 3, things that you want to improve or change at one time. Some coaches may disagree with me on this. However, from working with all types of clients, I have learned that personal transformation is challenging, and trying to do too much at once often becomes overwhelming. And what do overwhelmed people routinely do? They procrastinate or they QUIT! So, honor yourself. Organize your life and focus on a few things so you don’t fall out, fall down and fall asleep. Trust me, it happens.
• Remember that success is a process, and sometimes a messy process. This weekend one of my mentors said something that resonated in my spirit. He said that “sloppy success is better than perfect mediocrity”. Wow…as we say in the Christian faith -  that was an on-time word. That phrase freed me! I now feel more creative, more committed and more courageous to pursue my own dreams. That little phrase empowered and embolden me to Soar Higher!

I encourage you to take Action! Never forget that motion motivates, activates and elevates. So get started because today is the first day of the rest of your life. And, don’t forget to get some support on your journey. If you need coaching or assistance, please feel free to call the Jamison Group.  We would love to provide you with support and guidance as you embark on your new life.

Always remember to DARE to SOAR HIGHER because You are ALWAYS worth your best!

(Reprinted from my upcoming book, I Have Learned A Few Things About Success)

If you are interested in being added to my mailing list, please click HERE. We would love to connect with you.

Blessings,

SharRon Jamison, MBA
The Jamison Group LLC
Life Coach, Author, Inspirational Speaker
www.SharRonJamison.com
www.IHaveLearnedAFewThings.com

Happy Couple Highlights: Faloune and Gerri-Lynn Smith

 
 
 

 

Faloune & Gerri-Lynn

Smith

Atlanta, Ga.

Congratulations, I am always fascinated by how relationships start. So, where did you meet and what were the initial attractions? We met through a mutual friend and….

GerriLynn: The first thing I noticed was her almond shaped brown eyes.
Faloune: I noticed her beautiful smile and to this day it is one of the things I love about her.

You have been together for years. First, Congratulations. What advice would you give to other couples and why?  Both: There is no "I quit", no matter how hard/bumpy/unpleasant/uncomfortable the road may get; it’s you and her together... Figure it out.  Stay in the present, and make time for one another,

What made you know that it was time to get married and how will being married change your relationship? Both: For us, our wedding ceremony was an outward declaration to the world of our love and commitment to each other, and to finally join our families and have them witness our love solidified.

Getting together is easy. Staying together is difficult. You have weathered many transitions and storms? How did you manage and what was the hardest part?

Both: Pray together, know when to call a time-out and revisit the subject at a later time. The hardest part is being interested in things that don't interest me naturally, but liking them and eventually loving them too because she loves them and I love her.

How do you deal with and face challenges (family acceptance, money differences, etc.) that might come up in your relationship? Both: We talk/write them out and come to a mutual agreement-- together.

I know faith is important to both of you. How do you practice your faith as a couple and what role does spirituality play in your relationship? Both: Faith is a huge part of our relationship. We were baptized together on Easter Sunday 2007, and we walk our spiritual journey together. We listen to spiritual messages on our daily commute to work in order to ensure that we are spiritually armed and ready to face any challenges that the day may bring.

After so many years, how do you keep the fires burning? What role does sensuality play in your relationship? Both: We make sure we have set date nights and always have an activity planned that pertains to quality time and a common interest for us.

Every relationship develops relationship "rules” that support your union? What are your spoken and unspoken rules? And how did those rules form? Both: Absolutely NO going to bed hungry or mad ‐‐‐ one leads to the other.

No silent treatments -- use your words. Take a moment but use your words.

No disrespectful, "slang" talk; we are NOT "home girls.”

Always say "I love you" before parting; you might not get the chance to do so again.

They (rules) just naturally formed the more we grew into our individual selves and our relationship.

Every relationship challenges us in different way. What did you have to learn and un¬ learn to love her fully? GerriLynn: I had to learn that I am not the most important person in the world. Faloune: I had to learn that it is not always about who is right, it is about being respectful and honoring my love for her.

GerriLynn: To unlearn -- not to belittle and disrespect her when I get angry or if my feelings are hurt. Faloune: To unlearn -- not to be afraid of her love and that it is in fact genuine, she won’t hurt me.

What has your relationship taught you most about yourself?  And her?  GerriLynn: That I deserve to have a love like this and she makes me love her more and more each day. Faloune: That with God and her support I can do ANYTHING.... she is the very best person I know and I am blessed to have her as a friend, lover, comedian and wife.

What 1 word most captures her essence and your love? Faloune: Everlasting. GerriLynn: Unwavering.

It was such an honor officiating your wedding. When you think of your wedding day, what will you remember the most? Both: The moment that I saw her as I walked down the aisle and our eyes met and time stopped... we only saw each other.

What will be your legacy as a couple? Both: Love hard, laugh harder, and take care of each other and God will take care of you both.

 

We thank you for sharing your love with us at Create Love! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other couples. We wish you continued success and happiness.www.createloveforwomen.com

 Create Love Founders

Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison

What's Blocking You?

Have you ever thought about what’s really holding you back in your life? No, really. Have you thought about why you continue to stay in a joyless, sexless and unfulfilling relationship? Or, why you continue to work an unrewarding, unsatisfying and low-paying job? Or, why you continue to associate with people who have low goals, no goals or no guts? Or, why you participate in organizations that demonize, disappoint or degrade you and others? Or, why you associate with people who are envious of you and secretly covet your life? Have you truly thought about those things?

To be honest, I really did not consider those questions myself until one day I woke up and realized that I was lost. I woke up and found myself confused about my career, puzzled about my purpose, baffled by my relationship, mystified by my faith and confounded by the choices that I was FAILING to make. Yes, I was shocked when I realized that I was not making decisions at all; I was just letting life happen. I was not choosing anything; I was settling for whatever and whomever came in my life. And boy, did I settle. I sold myself short personally and professionally.

But thankfully, I have learned that living and creating a fulfilling life required that I make decisions. Yes, living a satisfying life required me to participate fully in the life process even when I didn’t feel equipped, qualified or confident enough to make informed choices. Even when I didn’t want to or feel up to it, I learned that I had to be the leader, director, and organizer of my life; I had to be the boss of me. Prepared or not, I learned that I had to guide, manage and love myself enough to make decisions that helped me  SOAR.

Those decisions are not always easy and sometimes the options are less than desirable. But being the boss is not always easy and not making a decision is really a decision too. Something to consider right?

My clients often ask me the same question, “How do I become the boss of me?”  It is a simple question, but simple questions rarely have simple answers. But here is what I offer.
 

I first tell my clients, who I call my teachers, to become AWARE. I encourage them to be become AWARE of what moves them, soothes them, angers them, motivates them, stresses them, relieves them, inspires them, etc.  I advise them to conduct a monthly and sometimes a weekly self-inventory to learn what makes them tick, sick and stick. I encourage them to find out what makes them uncomfortable and then fully explore that discomfort. I hope I inspire them to learn what brings them peace, growth and liberation so that they can “live” in that space for the rest of their lives. Finally, I encourage them to get quiet and still so that they can hear the whispers from their souls because that is where our truth lies.

 

Becoming aware and staying aware won’t be easy, especially with all of their distractions that vie for our attention and challenge our minds. But I implore you to try. Try to be become more AWARE of the amazing person you already are, and try to stay committed to growing into the more amazing person you hope to be.  Because once you become aware, you will better appreciate who you are, recognize your full potential, discern what’s good and who is good for your spirit, and transform your life into greater abundance.

Awareness is the first step.  I look forwarding to sharing the other 4 steps in the coming weeks. So stay tuned.

I wish you success on your journey to greater AWARENESS. You can do it! I know you can. We are on this journey together.

If you are interested in working with me to gain more self AWARNESS, please contact me.  I am always here to support and serve you!

Blessings to you always!

 

 

Blessings!

SharRon Jamison 
www.sharronjamison.com
www.IHaveLearnedafewthings.com
www.icandependonme-sharronjamison.com
 

 

Happy Couple Highlights: Dakerri and Sondra

Dakerri & Sondra

Barber-Rhone

Nashville, Tn.

 

How long have you been together? Dakerri  & Sondra: We’ve been together since March 7, 2003.  We were married in Washington DC on September 14, 2012.

Congrats! Tell me, how did you get together/meet? Dakerri & Sondra: It seems strange to us now, but we actually met online.  We met on a website called collegeclub.com which isn’t even in existence anymore, but back then it was the place to be for college students.

When you met her, what was the initial attraction?  Dakerri: I hadn’t seen any pictures prior to meeting Sondra so I didn’t know what I was getting myself into or what to expect.  I’d never dated a “soft-stud” before.  From our phone conversations she didn’t sound like what I was used to hearing from studs.  She has an ultra-feminine, very sexy voice.  When we did meet I was instantly attracted to her.  She was beautiful.   She had all the “swagger” of a stud, but embraced her femininity as well.

Sondra: I have a running joke about me being”catfished” by her.  For those unfamiliar with the show Catfish, it’s about online dating and one of the parties fibs about who they are.  Dakerri scanned her high school senior picture where her complexion was much darker due to it being taken in the summer months and she was wearing her natural hair.  When we agreed to meet up at a gas station close to my college, there stood this lighter complexion woman with long hair smiling this big beautiful yet warming smile.  At first I was unsure if she was the girl from the picture, but I eventually realized that I was staring at my future.  In other words, I was very attracted to her; even more so in person.

***Interviewer Moment: I just loved how you said that you were staring at your future…. J

12 years is a long time, espcailly since you started so young. What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship? Dakerri: Compromise/Consideration – We take the other into consideration with anything that we do or say. Sondra: I agree with Dakerri and also say communication and trust.  No relationship can withstand without that. 

 

Over the years, how have you learned to deal with adversity? How do you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship? Sondra: Honestly I take challenges as they arise.  I believe in taking things day by day and work them out thoughtfully when they occur. Dakerri: We keep our personal business between just us.  We keep open communication and try to think outside our “box” to understand why the other feels the way they do.

What role does spirituality play in your relationship? Dakerri: I was baptized at 10 and grew up in church, but we’ve both realized over time that we are not big on organized religion.  We are very spiritual.  We both pray, but we focus on our own personal relationship with God. Sondra: Spirituality plays a major part in our relationship.  We both pray and believe in God and that we were created in his image.  We however have both agreed that organized religion is not something that we would like to continue attending.  With so much backlash from a vast majority of the Christian community, we prefer a more intimate relationship with God.
 

What role does sensuality play in your relationship? Dakerri: Sensuality plays a big role.  The art of touching, not always in a sexual manner and mind stimulation. Sondra: Sensuality plays a very big role in our relationship.  We are sensual with each other as humanly possible physically and mentally, majority of the time privately.  We are not too fond of PDA.

 

After 12 years together, I believe that couples can benefit from your success. What advice would you give other couples? Sondra: Communicate, communicate, communicate!  The biggest mistake that I see most people make in relationships is not communicating with their partners.  Instead they go online and vent to the World Wide Web, to friends, past lovers, etc. which just opens the door to even more issues.  This was something even I had to learn over time in our relationship.  Dakerri and I talk about any and everything and continue to encourage each other to keep our business between us.

Dakerri: Advice I’d give to other couples is be considerate of the other.  A relationship is a partnership and one must remember that.  You have to make decisions that benefit you both.  Also pick your battles.  With two people, two personalities, two ways of thinking, there are going to be things you don’t see eye to eye on.  Every disagreement should not be a huge blow out.  Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and take one for the team.

What specific “relationship rules” support your union? Dakerri: Sounds cliché, but treat her how I would want to be treated.  Also communication is key. Sondra: The only “relationship rule” that supports our union is to remain completely honest with another and understanding. 

When you think about loving her, what did you have to learn and un-learn to love her fully? Dakerri: I’m going to have to go back to my answer to #8 and say pick my battles.  We got together at such a young age and were both hot headed.  Over the years we’ve learned how to deal with issues that arise and we have far less disagreements.  This has brought such closeness and understanding to our relationship. 

Sondra: When I met Dakerri I was still living in the closet and lived what I considered a double life.  I was a stud at night and fem by day.  I had to un-learn that being homosexual was wrong.  She didn’t know at the time, but she helped me find myself and seeing how carefree she was helped me. 

What has your relationship taught you most about yourself? Sondra: That I can be in one and be absolutely happy!  That one person is amazing enough to deal with a handful (me) and in the same token make me the happiest person in the universe.  Dakerri: That I am strong.  With my wife by my side I know I can face anything.  I used to be very shy and not assertive at all.  She taught me it was ok to say no.  She has helped me to find my inner strength.

When you think about loving her, what 1 word most captures her essence and your love? Dakerri: Sincerity. Sondra: Consideration.

You can find more information about this wonderful couple at: YouTube channel Two Mom Diaries. It's www.youtube.com/2momdiaries

 

We thank you for sharing your love with us at Create Love! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other couples. We wish you continued success and happiness.www.createloveforwomen.com

 Create Love Founders

Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison

 

Create Love Game Night - April 18th

Come play with us! 

Imani and SharRon are inviting you out for a night of fun just because we want to play with you...no, not like that. lol. We really want to just hang out with you and let our inner child out to mix and mingle. 

We love it when grown folks work hard and play even harder. Grab your bestie or boi..or both...and join us on April 18, 2015 Saturday at the Little 5 Points Community Center in the Cafe. $5 entry at the door. Snacks will be provided. BYOB (beer and wine permitted in moderation) We shall see you then for the fun!!!

createlove2015@gmail.com

404.944.6409

imani@surviving2thriving.org

sharronejamison@gmail.com 

Happy Couple Highlights: Bah'Dori and Lynda

Bah'Dori Oyanna

&

Lynda Harris

Atlanta, Ga.

I am always fascinated by how relationships begin. Where did you meet and what were the initial attractions?  Bah’Dori Oyanna: We met at a church conference in Winston Salem North Carolina given by TFAM( The Fellowship of Affirming Ministries . Lynda came and spoke to me given a word and my first thought was she was a really sweet older lady and definitely a potential friend.  Lynda:   We meet at a church conference in Winston Salem North Carolina given by TFAM( The Fellowship of Affirming Ministries. The word, Spirit gave me for her was, “You are different and you’re not understood… from both sides… family/church. Don’t change for no one. (WOW! That was on point).  Bah’Dori was working in the Spirit, healing someone’s leg and I saw such caring and attention given.

You have been together for 4 ½ years. First, Congratulations. What advice would you give to other couples and why? Lynda:  Talk about the little things… all the way out. Hold space for everything that comes up. Laugh and have fun as much as possible and remember those times.  Bah’Dori:  It is imperative that you have a good understanding of self-first before entering a relationship and your willingness to learn more about yourself by the reflections of your partner. We attract to us people who show us our light as well as our shadows. It is important to always ask, what is this and why is the energy here and what has it come to teach me.

Getting together is easy. Staying together is difficult. I am sure that your have weathered many transitions and storms? How did you manage and what was the hardest part?   Bah’Dori: For me it was identifying and understanding some of my defense mechanisms I had adopted to protect myself emotionally and how those mechanisms really became more of a hindrance to my growth and my desire to have an authentic connection. I had to take a really good look at myself and begin the work in trusting my energy and choices. Lynda:  Recognizing what is/was mine and working on myself and trust Spirit will give the true answers.

Our personal histories greatly influence and inform our lives and determine how we deal with adversity. So how have your personal histories affected how you deal with and face challenges (family acceptance, money differences, etc.) as a coupe? What is your strategy? Lynda:  Revealing (being vulnerable) about what’s really going with me. Having courage to face what I see in myself and asking for help with understanding the wounds that come to be healed.  Bah’Dori: We do a lot of sharing our stories, analyzing of self and going down the rabbit hole on the whys. We also practice listening to each other’s heart which requires understanding how to hold sacred space, allowing the other to speak and to listen without ego attachment. This is definitely requires us to be very conscious and intentional. 

I know faith is important to both of you. How do you practice your faith as a couple and what role does spirituality play in your relationship?  Bah’Dori: Coming from a non-religious but spiritual in nature family, I had a wonderful opportunity to be able to experience various religious and spiritual belief systems and develop a very intimate and unique relationship with Source and do what honors the Spirit that exists in me as me. Lynda is very spiritual as well and very much a justice for Jesus person. We enjoy praying and mediating together as well as honoring those who shoulders on which we stand our ancestors. We study and practice various forms of African spirituality and Metaphysics which has really created a deep spiritual intimacy between us and our relationship is overall enriched by the energy of it all.  Lynda:  I relay on Spirit to guide my walk each day. With a Pentecostal background, I had to un-learn a lot and re-learn so much more as I see Bah’Dori walk-out her beliefs and path. No judgments.  

After ­­­ years, how do you keep the fires burning? What role does sensuality play in your relationship? And how do you guard against lesbian bed death?  Bah’Dori: Our Intimacy and the Sex are off the chain! We are intimate daily, since we been together she brings me coffee every morning, runs baths and still puts on my favorite cologne that awakens my Yoni energy. I must admit our energy is very intense together and it really took me a minute to embrace this level of intimacy. It took me trusting myself to allow someone to love me fully and authentically. I prayed that Source would allow me to experience this kind of Love and I am definitely blessed by the experience.  Lynda:  The sex (love making) is WONDERFUL; however the sensuality is the best EVER!  Bah’Dori will catch me lustfully looking at her and she will blush like a school girl.

Every relationship develops "Relationship Rules” that support your union? What are your spoken and unspoken rules? And how did those rules form? Lynda:  There are no rules.  The boundaries I have incorporated are based on the values I hold for myself. (Do unto others) Trust and Respect trumps rules… every time.   Bah’Dori: We definitely had conversations about what we expected from ourselves in regards to the kind of quality relationship we desired, and we both have a great understanding of that with one another. We don’t necessarily have Rules because they are too stationary and mostly set out of Fear; we do have our individual and collective boundaries based on our interdependence growth and how the relationship naturally flows and evolves. 

Every relationship challenges us in different way. What did you have to learn and UN-learn to love her fully and faithfully?  Bah’Dori:   Because I am a very passionate person and my energy can be very intense, I had to learn how to channel my energy in a way that does not disrupts or cause imbalances for and around Lynda. She truly assists in keeping me grounded and anchored and I help her to fly and experience her powerful Artistic energies.   Lynda:  Bah’Dori can be ‘fire’ at times (this is not a negative.) I had to un-learn not to take things personal and learn to understand her, struggles – fears – desires – hopes – dreams. 

What has your relationship taught you most about yourself?  And her? Lynda:  I’ve learned my past wounds have influenced many of my choices.  Bah’Dori will hold space for me to work it all out… without judgment.  Bah’Dori: Our relationship has really taught me how to allow love to really love. I learned that my conditions and expectations in my past really came from what was truly voided in me and my need to seek outside of myself for what I thought would be “perfection”. The Love that we share is based on us just showing up as our Best selves for ourselves which is the natural process that we experience with one another in our relationship. I learned that my wife’s core values definitely reflect my core values, and that provides us with a level of quality in our relationship which is the foundation of our growth as individuals and as a couple.  When you experience this Kind of Love it makes you a better person, just because that what love does.

When you think about your relationship, what makes you most grateful that she is in your life? Bah’Dori: I am most grateful for how attentive, kind and truly loving Lynda is. Lynda is truly the kindest person I know. I love how she never meets a stranger and avails herself to assist others; she truly is a wonderful example of the Heart of Source.  Lynda:  When I asked the Universe for a life partner, I requested a woman that was NOT religious. I am most grateful of Bah’Dori ability to feel – hear – see Spirit. I’m so grateful to be a witness to her life.  She is willing to walk-the-talk… she is serious about her connection to Spirit.  

What 1 word most captures her essence and your love?  Bah’Dori: Ascension. Lynda: Gratitude

What will be your legacy as a couple?  Bah’Dori: Our Legacy would be the timeless and selfless love we have for one another transcended any kind compartmentalization and we shared our lives and love with all those who Source allowed us to touch. We exemplify the Energy of Twin Flames, Soul Mates.

Lynda:  1.) They loved each other immensely.  2.) Held space for everyone that showed-up at their door – phone – FaceBook.  3.) Cooked a good pot of beans & rice. 4.) Sheared everything with each other. 5.) Showed others it’s ok to have a soft side and see the POWER they hold.  6.) Use your gifts to heal the community and the world.

Lynda Harris and Bah’Dori Oyanna are the Wisdom Teachers and Spiritual Practitioners at Om Concepts and Provisions and facilitators of the Transformative Light Spiritual Gathering and Meditative Circle. We provide various indigenous and metaphysical holistic and spiritual education, services and products for individuals and couples. www.omconceptsandprovisions.com

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