Happy Couple Highlights: Dakerri and Sondra

Dakerri & Sondra

Barber-Rhone

Nashville, Tn.

 

How long have you been together? Dakerri  & Sondra: We’ve been together since March 7, 2003.  We were married in Washington DC on September 14, 2012.

Congrats! Tell me, how did you get together/meet? Dakerri & Sondra: It seems strange to us now, but we actually met online.  We met on a website called collegeclub.com which isn’t even in existence anymore, but back then it was the place to be for college students.

When you met her, what was the initial attraction?  Dakerri: I hadn’t seen any pictures prior to meeting Sondra so I didn’t know what I was getting myself into or what to expect.  I’d never dated a “soft-stud” before.  From our phone conversations she didn’t sound like what I was used to hearing from studs.  She has an ultra-feminine, very sexy voice.  When we did meet I was instantly attracted to her.  She was beautiful.   She had all the “swagger” of a stud, but embraced her femininity as well.

Sondra: I have a running joke about me being”catfished” by her.  For those unfamiliar with the show Catfish, it’s about online dating and one of the parties fibs about who they are.  Dakerri scanned her high school senior picture where her complexion was much darker due to it being taken in the summer months and she was wearing her natural hair.  When we agreed to meet up at a gas station close to my college, there stood this lighter complexion woman with long hair smiling this big beautiful yet warming smile.  At first I was unsure if she was the girl from the picture, but I eventually realized that I was staring at my future.  In other words, I was very attracted to her; even more so in person.

***Interviewer Moment: I just loved how you said that you were staring at your future…. J

12 years is a long time, espcailly since you started so young. What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship? Dakerri: Compromise/Consideration – We take the other into consideration with anything that we do or say. Sondra: I agree with Dakerri and also say communication and trust.  No relationship can withstand without that. 

 

Over the years, how have you learned to deal with adversity? How do you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship? Sondra: Honestly I take challenges as they arise.  I believe in taking things day by day and work them out thoughtfully when they occur. Dakerri: We keep our personal business between just us.  We keep open communication and try to think outside our “box” to understand why the other feels the way they do.

What role does spirituality play in your relationship? Dakerri: I was baptized at 10 and grew up in church, but we’ve both realized over time that we are not big on organized religion.  We are very spiritual.  We both pray, but we focus on our own personal relationship with God. Sondra: Spirituality plays a major part in our relationship.  We both pray and believe in God and that we were created in his image.  We however have both agreed that organized religion is not something that we would like to continue attending.  With so much backlash from a vast majority of the Christian community, we prefer a more intimate relationship with God.
 

What role does sensuality play in your relationship? Dakerri: Sensuality plays a big role.  The art of touching, not always in a sexual manner and mind stimulation. Sondra: Sensuality plays a very big role in our relationship.  We are sensual with each other as humanly possible physically and mentally, majority of the time privately.  We are not too fond of PDA.

 

After 12 years together, I believe that couples can benefit from your success. What advice would you give other couples? Sondra: Communicate, communicate, communicate!  The biggest mistake that I see most people make in relationships is not communicating with their partners.  Instead they go online and vent to the World Wide Web, to friends, past lovers, etc. which just opens the door to even more issues.  This was something even I had to learn over time in our relationship.  Dakerri and I talk about any and everything and continue to encourage each other to keep our business between us.

Dakerri: Advice I’d give to other couples is be considerate of the other.  A relationship is a partnership and one must remember that.  You have to make decisions that benefit you both.  Also pick your battles.  With two people, two personalities, two ways of thinking, there are going to be things you don’t see eye to eye on.  Every disagreement should not be a huge blow out.  Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and take one for the team.

What specific “relationship rules” support your union? Dakerri: Sounds cliché, but treat her how I would want to be treated.  Also communication is key. Sondra: The only “relationship rule” that supports our union is to remain completely honest with another and understanding. 

When you think about loving her, what did you have to learn and un-learn to love her fully? Dakerri: I’m going to have to go back to my answer to #8 and say pick my battles.  We got together at such a young age and were both hot headed.  Over the years we’ve learned how to deal with issues that arise and we have far less disagreements.  This has brought such closeness and understanding to our relationship. 

Sondra: When I met Dakerri I was still living in the closet and lived what I considered a double life.  I was a stud at night and fem by day.  I had to un-learn that being homosexual was wrong.  She didn’t know at the time, but she helped me find myself and seeing how carefree she was helped me. 

What has your relationship taught you most about yourself? Sondra: That I can be in one and be absolutely happy!  That one person is amazing enough to deal with a handful (me) and in the same token make me the happiest person in the universe.  Dakerri: That I am strong.  With my wife by my side I know I can face anything.  I used to be very shy and not assertive at all.  She taught me it was ok to say no.  She has helped me to find my inner strength.

When you think about loving her, what 1 word most captures her essence and your love? Dakerri: Sincerity. Sondra: Consideration.

You can find more information about this wonderful couple at: YouTube channel Two Mom Diaries. It's www.youtube.com/2momdiaries

 

We thank you for sharing your love with us at Create Love! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other couples. We wish you continued success and happiness.www.createloveforwomen.com

 Create Love Founders

Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison

 

Happy Couple Highlights: Bah'Dori and Lynda

Bah'Dori Oyanna

&

Lynda Harris

Atlanta, Ga.

I am always fascinated by how relationships begin. Where did you meet and what were the initial attractions?  Bah’Dori Oyanna: We met at a church conference in Winston Salem North Carolina given by TFAM( The Fellowship of Affirming Ministries . Lynda came and spoke to me given a word and my first thought was she was a really sweet older lady and definitely a potential friend.  Lynda:   We meet at a church conference in Winston Salem North Carolina given by TFAM( The Fellowship of Affirming Ministries. The word, Spirit gave me for her was, “You are different and you’re not understood… from both sides… family/church. Don’t change for no one. (WOW! That was on point).  Bah’Dori was working in the Spirit, healing someone’s leg and I saw such caring and attention given.

You have been together for 4 ½ years. First, Congratulations. What advice would you give to other couples and why? Lynda:  Talk about the little things… all the way out. Hold space for everything that comes up. Laugh and have fun as much as possible and remember those times.  Bah’Dori:  It is imperative that you have a good understanding of self-first before entering a relationship and your willingness to learn more about yourself by the reflections of your partner. We attract to us people who show us our light as well as our shadows. It is important to always ask, what is this and why is the energy here and what has it come to teach me.

Getting together is easy. Staying together is difficult. I am sure that your have weathered many transitions and storms? How did you manage and what was the hardest part?   Bah’Dori: For me it was identifying and understanding some of my defense mechanisms I had adopted to protect myself emotionally and how those mechanisms really became more of a hindrance to my growth and my desire to have an authentic connection. I had to take a really good look at myself and begin the work in trusting my energy and choices. Lynda:  Recognizing what is/was mine and working on myself and trust Spirit will give the true answers.

Our personal histories greatly influence and inform our lives and determine how we deal with adversity. So how have your personal histories affected how you deal with and face challenges (family acceptance, money differences, etc.) as a coupe? What is your strategy? Lynda:  Revealing (being vulnerable) about what’s really going with me. Having courage to face what I see in myself and asking for help with understanding the wounds that come to be healed.  Bah’Dori: We do a lot of sharing our stories, analyzing of self and going down the rabbit hole on the whys. We also practice listening to each other’s heart which requires understanding how to hold sacred space, allowing the other to speak and to listen without ego attachment. This is definitely requires us to be very conscious and intentional. 

I know faith is important to both of you. How do you practice your faith as a couple and what role does spirituality play in your relationship?  Bah’Dori: Coming from a non-religious but spiritual in nature family, I had a wonderful opportunity to be able to experience various religious and spiritual belief systems and develop a very intimate and unique relationship with Source and do what honors the Spirit that exists in me as me. Lynda is very spiritual as well and very much a justice for Jesus person. We enjoy praying and mediating together as well as honoring those who shoulders on which we stand our ancestors. We study and practice various forms of African spirituality and Metaphysics which has really created a deep spiritual intimacy between us and our relationship is overall enriched by the energy of it all.  Lynda:  I relay on Spirit to guide my walk each day. With a Pentecostal background, I had to un-learn a lot and re-learn so much more as I see Bah’Dori walk-out her beliefs and path. No judgments.  

After ­­­ years, how do you keep the fires burning? What role does sensuality play in your relationship? And how do you guard against lesbian bed death?  Bah’Dori: Our Intimacy and the Sex are off the chain! We are intimate daily, since we been together she brings me coffee every morning, runs baths and still puts on my favorite cologne that awakens my Yoni energy. I must admit our energy is very intense together and it really took me a minute to embrace this level of intimacy. It took me trusting myself to allow someone to love me fully and authentically. I prayed that Source would allow me to experience this kind of Love and I am definitely blessed by the experience.  Lynda:  The sex (love making) is WONDERFUL; however the sensuality is the best EVER!  Bah’Dori will catch me lustfully looking at her and she will blush like a school girl.

Every relationship develops "Relationship Rules” that support your union? What are your spoken and unspoken rules? And how did those rules form? Lynda:  There are no rules.  The boundaries I have incorporated are based on the values I hold for myself. (Do unto others) Trust and Respect trumps rules… every time.   Bah’Dori: We definitely had conversations about what we expected from ourselves in regards to the kind of quality relationship we desired, and we both have a great understanding of that with one another. We don’t necessarily have Rules because they are too stationary and mostly set out of Fear; we do have our individual and collective boundaries based on our interdependence growth and how the relationship naturally flows and evolves. 

Every relationship challenges us in different way. What did you have to learn and UN-learn to love her fully and faithfully?  Bah’Dori:   Because I am a very passionate person and my energy can be very intense, I had to learn how to channel my energy in a way that does not disrupts or cause imbalances for and around Lynda. She truly assists in keeping me grounded and anchored and I help her to fly and experience her powerful Artistic energies.   Lynda:  Bah’Dori can be ‘fire’ at times (this is not a negative.) I had to un-learn not to take things personal and learn to understand her, struggles – fears – desires – hopes – dreams. 

What has your relationship taught you most about yourself?  And her? Lynda:  I’ve learned my past wounds have influenced many of my choices.  Bah’Dori will hold space for me to work it all out… without judgment.  Bah’Dori: Our relationship has really taught me how to allow love to really love. I learned that my conditions and expectations in my past really came from what was truly voided in me and my need to seek outside of myself for what I thought would be “perfection”. The Love that we share is based on us just showing up as our Best selves for ourselves which is the natural process that we experience with one another in our relationship. I learned that my wife’s core values definitely reflect my core values, and that provides us with a level of quality in our relationship which is the foundation of our growth as individuals and as a couple.  When you experience this Kind of Love it makes you a better person, just because that what love does.

When you think about your relationship, what makes you most grateful that she is in your life? Bah’Dori: I am most grateful for how attentive, kind and truly loving Lynda is. Lynda is truly the kindest person I know. I love how she never meets a stranger and avails herself to assist others; she truly is a wonderful example of the Heart of Source.  Lynda:  When I asked the Universe for a life partner, I requested a woman that was NOT religious. I am most grateful of Bah’Dori ability to feel – hear – see Spirit. I’m so grateful to be a witness to her life.  She is willing to walk-the-talk… she is serious about her connection to Spirit.  

What 1 word most captures her essence and your love?  Bah’Dori: Ascension. Lynda: Gratitude

What will be your legacy as a couple?  Bah’Dori: Our Legacy would be the timeless and selfless love we have for one another transcended any kind compartmentalization and we shared our lives and love with all those who Source allowed us to touch. We exemplify the Energy of Twin Flames, Soul Mates.

Lynda:  1.) They loved each other immensely.  2.) Held space for everyone that showed-up at their door – phone – FaceBook.  3.) Cooked a good pot of beans & rice. 4.) Sheared everything with each other. 5.) Showed others it’s ok to have a soft side and see the POWER they hold.  6.) Use your gifts to heal the community and the world.

Lynda Harris and Bah’Dori Oyanna are the Wisdom Teachers and Spiritual Practitioners at Om Concepts and Provisions and facilitators of the Transformative Light Spiritual Gathering and Meditative Circle. We provide various indigenous and metaphysical holistic and spiritual education, services and products for individuals and couples. www.omconceptsandprovisions.com

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