Elle & Tosha
Parker-Meredith
How long have you been together? Elle: Doc and I became girlfriends 2.5 years
ago and made it official by tying the knot Oct. 7, 2014. We’ve known one
another for almost 3 years. Celebrating 4 happy months married on the 7th of
Jan. Tosha: Elle and I have been
married for 3 months and have been together for almost 3 years.
I love to hear how couples meet. So,
share. How did you get together/meet?
Elle: Doc and I met at the beginning of
summer (May to be exact) at a concert, in which I was invited to by her BFF
April Girard. I knew April was in the life, a life I had left alone many years
ago. Later during the concert…. While playing with my cell phone, I looked up
and saw Tosh lying in front of me looking directly at me. In that very moment,
I snapped a picture of her (smiled) and looked back at the picture and thought,
she is stunning! My heart fluttered for a second!
You see, Doc was
wearing a cow boy hat that covered her face, yet in the picture (still wearing
the hat) I saw her face! Her light brown eyes were kissed by the sun, her
freckles caught my attention and the ever so sexy smirk on her face looked
devious. I quickly turned to April showed her the picture and said, ‘She’s
Beautiful!’ April said, ‘I can’t believe you took her picture! April looked at
her BFF Tosh and gave her this look and smiled. I often wondered what that look
was all about. As the summer got under way the love bug struck both of us
beyond our control. It’s true, when you least expect it love will find you as
long as you’re open to it.
Tosha: Elle and I met through my BFF April
Girard. My BFF kept telling me about a woman she wanted me to meet because she
thought Elle was “my type” and thought she would be good for me. Because of my
prior break up, I really wasn’t interested in meeting anyone. I was honestly
dating and very content with being single. That was, until I met Lu’Wana
Parker. Smile. We met at the Old School concert a few years back and I
immediately asked my BFF, “who is THAT?” lol, my BFF laughed and said, “that’s
the lady I’ve been wanting you to meet!” I was like, oh um ok…is she gay? Is
she married…you know all the questions you ask when you meeting someone as fine
as my wife! My BFF told me Lu’Wana wasn’t gay and I kind of shrugged and kept
it moving.
I later sent her
a friend request on Facebook and you know, watched her from afar for a few
weeks. I saw her again at an “Ink and Whole” party at my BFF’s house at the
beginning of that summer. I was amazed and smitten! I kept staring at her and
wanted to talk to her but I was afraid. Well, I finally mustered up enough
nerve to talk to her (I’ll let her tell that part of the story)! Smile
We didn’t
exchange numbers or anything that night; however, I did tell my friends that
“she was going to be my wife.” Later, on the ride home, The Lord, told me as
clear as day, “that is your wife.” I was like, “big gulp, really?!?!?” And it
went on from there….
There is always something that always
attracts us to certain people. What was the initial attraction? Elle: My
initial attraction to Doc was her inner sex appeal, beauty & physique
underneath the edgy exterior. I was turned on by her arm tattoos, her freckles,
her beautiful eyes and her calm spirit. I thought, wow I really like the woman
that lives within her androgynous style. Once we started spending time, I found
that although many differences between us, our similarities were strong. We were
created by God specifically for one another.
Tosha: My initial attraction to Elle was her
resemblance to my Mama. Her “jazziness” and “sex appeal” were very familiar to
me and I thought she reminded me of my mom in that sense. I was also attracted
to her love for her children. I noticed from the very beginning that she talked
about her kids a lot and it really showed her concern for them. I loved that.
Congrats on your recent marriage. What
did you do to prepare for marriage? And how has being married changed your
relationship? Elle: Thank You! My Wife and I went to
marriage counseling for 10 months. We learned so much more about one another
with mediators present. It allowed for a safe space for us to be free, clear
and truly honest about our deepest fears, concerns, desires and expectations
towards one another and our relationship. Counseling removed the representative
(if you will) and allowed us to think beyond the beginning & in the moment.
We were challenged to think FUTURE and how to effectively build together. One
thing I learned specifically was how to LISTEN.
Since getting
married, I have this overwhelming feeling all of the time that is hard to
explain! When I think final...it’s scary yet I feel accomplished! Like I have
arrived and joined an elite club. Being married has changed my relationship
radically in the area of communication. My Wife and I have come to the
consensus, giving up is NOT an option! Through communication, we are committed
to doing the work no matter what and that in itself is our growth from past
relationships.
Tosha: As Elle mentioned, we did couples
counseling for several months and spent time getting to know each other before
we were married. It was important to me, personally, that we not live together
before we were married. I guess I’m “traditional” in that sense.
Being married
has strengthened our relationship. I felt before like “quitting was not an
option,” but now I feel that it is not even a thought, really. At the end of
the day, we are together for life and that’s the bottom line. I would say
marriage has changed us both for the better, as a couple. I don’t feel like we
are individuals any longer. Now I really feel that we are one in every aspect
of life.
Relationships are not always easy. We
want them, but they take work. What would you say is the key to the success of
your relationship and why? Elle: The key to the success in our
relationship is definitely communication, compromise & comfort. Early on I
was taught that communication is key in everything I do! I work hard at being
an effective communicator with everyone in my life. I use communication to
teach our children, to lead by example and to express myself with respect and
respect to others. Tosh wasn’t used to communicating effectively and in the
beginning of our relationship we struggled because of this. We’ve learned that
in order to be heard and to listen to one another, we need to talk about it in
love. Compromise is equally important because we understand that we’re
different. Reaching a compromise is key to settling our differences to keep the
peace and love flowing. Comfort is necessary as life is challenging,
relationships are challenging and knowing that your spouse/partner will comfort
you regardless of any situation will allow you to create space to communicate
& compromise.
Tosha: The key to the success of our
relationship is communication. I’ve not been a big communicator in my past
relationships and I’ve learned (and am learning) the importance of
communicating. I’m also learning how to communicate effectively and how to
communicate my needs and wants without sounding selfish.
Relationships are wonderful combinations
of celebration and challenges. How do you deal with and face challenges that might
come up in your relationship? Elle: We face challenges head on! We
acknowledge, we talk and we conquer together right away up front. We understand
challenges can and will create space and distance if you allow it, so we choose
to breathe and go head on to rid away unnecessary absence between us. Doc and I
have dealt with a lot to get where we are today in our relationship, honestly
if we didn’t take this approach from the start we would not be married today!
We work hard to make our time together most enjoyable, effective and essential.
We live by…never go to bed MAD!
Tosha: We face challenges head on. We talk
about them. We acknowledge them. And we deal with them. Compromise is probably
the other key to the success of our relationship. We have both given a great
deal and sacrificed a lot to be together. Learning to compromise has been
probably the most essential part of us “staying together” thus far. Because I
served in the military for almost 25 years, I grew to be a very independent
person. For the past few years it’s just been me and my dogs. I got use to
traveling and living out of a suitcase. In fact, I would venture to say that
most, if not all, of my relationships even since college, have been long
distance relationships because of studies and the military. So living with, and
having, a family was a major change for me. I had to quickly learn the
importance of compromise and the value it plays in our relationship.
I know one of the challenges that many
couples have is blending families. How did you blend the family and what advice
would you give to other couples? Elle:
Yesssss, blending families can be difficult and challenging to say the least!
Tosh and I are still blending. Blending will be ongoing and is a day to day
process with us, our girls and the dogs. Honestly, personally this is the hardest
part of our relationship for me. I have the girls Kharma 12 and Aje’
7 yrs. and Tosh has the boys Zeus and Duke (boxers). I also have
a toy poodle Princess who runs the house (lol). My struggle is getting
used to having what I call outside dogs inside full time. Adjusting to BIG dogs
in every aspect of our home (drives me batty). I pray, I deal one day at a time
(really minute by minute) and keep things in mind like compromise to get
through it. I also consider the situation in reverse with Tosh and the girls.
My gaping love for my Wife is what keeps me. Our girls on the other hand have
adjusted nicely and rather quickly, surprisingly so.
The advice I
would give to other couples is, please know merging two lives takes time. When
you add others in the family to the mix, it could take even longer. Have
extraordinary patience, communication, exercise your right to vent (in a loving
way) and work as a team, none of the, this is mine and that’s yours
perspective. Take time for self (just because you’re a couple now doesn’t mean
you have to give YOU up), yet be selfless. Tosh and I find it extremely helpful
to have another couple you trust to have as an accountability partner(s).
There’s something good in hearing another perspective from someone who has/is
going through the same thing. Lastly, pray and place God as the head of your
home/relationship and follow his word (providing that is your belief/faith).
Tosha: Blending our family has been
interesting, to say the least. I think our greatest challenge has been learning
to live in the space we’ve been blessed with. Our home is very small, nice, and
cozy. Subsequently, we have to learn to live together in a very tight space. I
think this has been a blessing in disguise because it forced us to get closer
and spend more time together. I’ve personally learned the importance of team
work and understanding that life isn’t just about me (and my dogs). Smile.
Having children has taken some getting used to. The main challenge for me has
been learning that the children’s schedule pretty much dictates our (the
adult’s) schedules. Once I realized that, life became a lot easier.
The advice I would give to family blending
lives would be to take your time, learn one another, and over communicate (your
needs). I often see people give so much of his or herself that they become a
different person. Remain true to yourself but remember what brought you
together and why you are together. If there are children involved, be cognizant
of their feelings, their age, and their other parent. Everything matters,
whether stated or not. Additionally, I highly suggest both individual and
couples counseling. It’s so important to know yourself and know what you bring
to the table. What makes you comfortable and uncomfortable. Knowing this can help
you communicate your needs to your mate. Finally, find a group that supports
you. Be it friends, other couples, a pastor, or mentor. Surround yourself with
like-minded people and set the expectation that “giving up is not an option.”
In an effort to surround ourselves with like-minded individuals, Elle created
an organization called “Healthy Couples – Atlanta.” The group has been very
successful and there are couples in the group that have families. We have
learned from the other couples and have created a support system as well as
accountability partners who help us remain true to our relationship and our
family.
I know faith is important to both of you
individually. What role does spirituality play in your relationship and how do
you celebrate our faith as a couple? Elle: Spirituality is important! It’s one
thing to be spiritual walking your own path and another to be married to a
Pastor or someone in Ministry. I’m learning to support and play a role for
other people. I’m learning my walk with God and to take on learning what it
means to lead at the same time. This has been overwhelming to say the least. I
will say this, ‘it’s truly rewarding!’ My reward comes from being obedient to
his whisper and not allowing fear to lead me away from our calling to KIMVC. I
think it’s safe to say, we are still trying to figure out our way in this area
as a unit. We are also growing spiritually together by spending time in prayer
and serving through our worship services/experiences. My Pastor, Friend,
Confidant and Lover is teaching me and leading me to a more purposeful life…I
simply admire, respect & love Dr. Tosha Parker-Meredith!
Tosha: Being a new pastor, I think
spirituality is very important. It is one thing to be in ministry and not
necessarily play a key role, however it’s totally different to pastor a church
and have individuals you are accountable to. Having a spiritual relationship
helps with all the challenges that not only come with our relationship but the
challenges that come with ministry in general. We are still figuring our way in
the area of spirituality. We are also growing in this area to a point of
spending time together in prayer as well as our worship experiences.
Tosha, congrats on our new pastorate.
How can people learn more about your church and Elle, how are you preparing to
be a “pastor’s wife”? Elle: Preparing to be a Pastor’s wife has
been seemingly easy for me to do. I’m careful with what I read concerning being
a pastor’s wife first and foremost! In the past I found myself side-tracked
with worries that I wouldn’t meet people's expectations. However, I find much
peace in going back to scripture and reminding myself that my real acceptance
and security rest in Christ’s grace, not my performance. I consider it a huge
privilege to be married to a woman who preaches God’s Word week after week. I
love my wife and am grateful for the ministry the Lord has given us in KIMVC
Kingdom International Ministries Virtual Church. Biblically, the role of a
pastor’s wife is the same as every wife’s: love your husband/wife and children,
manage our home well and be an example to women around me (Titus 2:4-5). I also
let my spiritual gifting direct many of my choices. My spiritual gift is
serving and outreach, which means much of my involvement is behind the scenes.
My main role is to support my wife and here’s how I do that: watch out for her;
I provide helpful and honest feedback; stand with her when times are tough; I
discern and provide real talk; I never gossip; I ensure both of us grow a thick
skin; lastly, I keep the fun alive. I strongly believe, if I continue to do
what I’m currently doing and continue to grow in God’s Word, it will allow me
to enjoy the role as First Lady.
I feel because I
treat my role more as a wife and mother vs. a pastor’s wife makes for any
challenges that could occur nonexistent in our relationship. It’s the bond not
the title that I/we focus on.
Tosha: Being a pastor is something I kind of
fell into. Things happened so fast and changed so drastically that I’m still
getting used to it. The church is called Kingdom International Ministries
Virtual Church and it’s affectionately known as KIMVC. The web address is
KIMVirtualChurch.Org. We started the ministry several months ago for a few
reasons. First, we saw a need for integrating technology (social media) with
Christ and Christian principles. Our mission is to courageously and
intellectually spread the gospel of Jesus Christ around the world; thereby
creating disciples of Jesus Christ (Matthew 28: 19-20). Our vision is to create
and provide an international platform through virtual and cyber space for
individuals to worship Jesus Christ while transforming their lives (Romans
12:2). I must honestly say many people laughed at the idea initially, however,
the response and reception has been phenomenal. We have over 100K Followers on
Facebook and almost 300 members around the world in less than 6 months! Our aim
is to continue to walk in our gifts and purpose while helping others to do the
same. Our ultimate goal is to save souls.
Sensuality and sexuality are important to
relationships. What role does sensuality play in your relationship? And, how
are ensuring that the flame stays alive? Elle:
Sensuality plays a BIG role in our relationship. I realize this isn’t and
shouldn’t be everything about our relationship, but it is high on my list!
Being able to spend intimate time with Doc is imperative! Being able to
release, relax and relate to tosh keeps our FIRE burning. We need that to feel
secure in our relationship. Touch brings out vulnerability, honesty and LOVE!
We have to be creative to have this, so it’s not often present, however the
creativity makes it more interesting and worth the wait. I love, love, love our
moments of togetherness and I appreciate them all the more when we are in the
moment.
Tosha: Sensuality is very important. Me being
the dominant person in our relationship, I have to remember to be sensual and
intimate at times. I sometimes take for granted that need for sensuality and
intimacy in our relationship. I’m learning to take time out for “us” and be
sensual and intimate for building our relationship. One of our biggest
challenges is learning to work around the schedules of our children. Smile. We
have to “get it in, when we can!” Lol! (She’s going to get me for saying that).
But seriously, any couple with children knows that the kids run the house (not
literally) and our schedules fluctuate depending on what’s on their agenda. We
also have a child with special needs who is up at “o-dark-thirty!” So we are
learning to get sleep when we can (usually when she sleeps). So our sensuality
is built around these variables as well. Again, and area we are constantly
working on and trying creative things to make it work.
Every relationship has rules that
support the union. Even if the rules are not stated, they are understood. What
are your Relationship Rules and how do your rules support your relationship? Tosha: I would say the stated (and unstated)
rule that guides our relationship is that quitting is not an option. We are in this
for the long haul and are committed to making our relationship work. God put us
together and that is the basis, the foundation if you will, for our
relationship. This helps our relationship because we know that we have one
another’s back, no matter what.
Elle: I believe our relationship rules are
to set boundaries; give what you expect to get; two heads are better than one;
sound it out; laughter is the best medicine; mind your manners; fight right and
DATE night. Also, when the going gets tough, the tough get going...to therapy!
We are avid believers in therapy…it works!
All of the above support our relationship as guidelines to follow to
stay true to ourselves and to one another. For example: sound it out is communication!
Talking about the not so fun topics like money, religion, raising kids and
fidelity usually end up being the most valuable. Another is mind your manners,
‘Please, Thank you and you’re welcome’ can go a long way in helping your
partner remember that you respect and love them and don’t take them for
granted. Date night, is showing subtle
ways you love, admire and appreciate them. Quality time spent is mandatory for
every couple to connect!!!
What 1 word characterizes your love for
her and why? Tosha: The one word that characterizes my
love for my baby is Angel. She’s my personal God given angel that God has
assigned me to take care of while here on earth. She’s assigned to do the same
for me and that is why I love her. Elle: I have two words…I know the question
calls for just one but if it’s ok, I have to give two (smile). One word that
characterizes my love for Tosh is ADORE - Why? Because I love, cherish,
treasure and consider her to be my PRIZE! The second is ANGEL - because she’s a
person of exemplary conduct or virtue. The definition according to google says,
‘an angel is a spiritual being believed to act as an attendant, agent, or
messenger of God’. I know without a shadow of a doubt my wife is my personal
messenger from God. I have grown spiritually simply because she’s in my life.
Relationships teach us so much about
partnership. Based on your own experience, what advice would you give to other
couples? Tosha: The advice I would give to other
couples is to always keep God in your relationship. Stays focused and committed
to “not giving up,” and always communicate. Make time for date night. Laugh
often, love freely. Finally, keep people out of your business. Elle: The advice I would like to give other
couples is to keep our heavenly father first! Stay grounded in his word and a
family that prays together stays together. Commit to making it work, giving up
is not an option. Love freely, laugh, spend quality time and DATE your
spouse/partner. Schedule time to converse, the art of listening goes a very
long way. Lastly, keep others out of your RELATIONSHIP!
What has your relationship taught you
most about yourself? And were you surprised about what you learned? Elle: My relationship has taught me that
it’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to relax, take a break and put me first. I’m
learning to be patient with adults and to share my feelings. My relationship
shows me daily how truly blessed I am. Being married to the busiest woman on
the planet has placed me on a fast track to my destiny. Growing in Christ and
learning my spiritual gifts through my daily counseling with my Pastor have
been the best part of merging our lives together. I believe my wife was created
to assist in showing me my life can and will be great as I embark on a new
journey. Doc is the missing piece to my puzzle. We fit, work and are greater
together. God has blessed us, our union, our children and our footsteps are
ordered in his holy name. Who would have thought…ME…a First Lady?! I claim it
in the mighty name of Jesus, thanks my love ;)
Tosha: My relationship has taught
me that I am capable of being and giving love freely. I’ve learned that I don’t
have to do things on my own, and that God created Elle to help me conquer the
mighty vision he’s given me for my life. And, I believe I was created to do the
same for my wife.
What do you hope your legacy will be as a
couple? Tosha: Our legacy will be that our family,
the world, and society in general will be better off because of our existence.
Our hope is that couples will know there is “hope” for a successful
relationship especially in the LBGTQ community. I pray that we will be
remembered as having “lived life to the fullest” collectively and that we were
the epitome of real love. Elle: We
hope our legacy will be that our ‘Healthy Couples’ group, our virtual church
KIMVC, our children and families will live productive, healthy and spiritual
God fearing lives after us.
Tosha, you are a new author,
philanthropist and a radio host? Can you share more about your endeavors? And
how can others support your efforts? Wow, I guess I
never looked at myself as a philanthropist; however, it seems that’s what my
life and legacy are morphing into. The Dr. Tosha Meredith Foundation exists to
provide financial literacy to children between the ages of 5 and 18. The
foundation also provides food, clothing, and shelter to needy children and
their families internationally, primarily in Africa. The foundation is a
passion of mine and collectively Elle and I are looking forward to providing
additional resources to the community both nationally and internationally.
Elle’s foundation, Aje’s Angels exists to help families with children with
special needs identify resources available to them. We are a service driven
family and we work very hard to ensure that we give back to our communities
both financially and physically.
I’m excited
about the books I’ve written and am super excited about my memoir that will be
released in a few weeks. My series, “Get
In The Flow” is a compilation of short books that help individuals become
their best. The first, “Get In the Flow
– Seven Principles to Becoming A Wealthy Christian” is my version of a
pocket book to spiritual wealth. I wanted to create something that individuals
could read on the bus, in the taxi, or on a plane ride across the country. Many
people think the book is about getting rich or financial success; however, it’s
more about getting spiritually connected to God and utilizing those connections
to position yourself for financial increase. The second book, “Get In the Flow – Seven Keys To The Kingdom”
is a pocket book, a guide if you will to gaining access to the “Kingdom.” It
provides guidance for individuals seeking to gain knowledge on how to live a
Kingdom centered life. Both books are biblically based and combine my life
stories with scripture, Christ centered principles. The next book in the
series, “Get In The Flow – Think Like A
Millionaire” is just about complete. This is a combination of “practical”
and “spiritual” principles to reduce debt and live financially responsible life
while focusing on spiritual principles. I have basically added practicality to
the spiritual tools in the first book. Finally, my memoir, “Didn’t Ask, Didn’t Tell – The Life of A Gay
Christian Soldier” is about my life of serving in silence in the military
for almost 25 years. I discuss my history of molestation, growing up in the
black church, and being gay during the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell era. It’s a
phenomenal read and I’m so excited to finally complete this work that I’ve been
engaged in since 2010.
I do a weekly broadcast
on the “Live, Love, Laugh” Network. It’s a Blog Talk radio show where we
showcase individuals who are striving to transition to their next level of
success, whatever that level is for them. We also discuss current, real world
events on our “Tuesday Talk” show. I have a weekly morning show called “Monday
Morning Glory” which is a time of prayer, scripture, music, and motivation to
get the week started! It has been a true blessing and I am so humbled by the
platform God has given me/us. Elle and I also have a monthly broadcast we do
together called “Pillow Talk With Elle and Doc.” This show has gotten very good
response and we have a very nice following. We talk all things relationship on
this show and we collectively open up and allow our listeners into our personal
lives in an effort to help them (couples and singles) grow. The “Live, Love,
Laugh” network as grown tremendously over the last year and we are now
broadcasting on BlogTalk Radio as well as C.U.R.B. Radio out of Tucson, AZ.
To learn more about Elle and Dr. Tosha, please visit their websites below:
Get In The Flow: 7 Keys To The Kingdom
We thank you for sharing your love with us at Create Love! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other couples. We wish you continued success and happiness.www.createloveforwomen.com
Create Love Founders
Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison
Don’t forget to register for the Journey to Wellness Retreat. September will be soon!
What made you know
that it was time to get married and how will being married change your
relationship? Both: For us, our wedding
ceremony was an outward declaration to the world of our love and commitment to
each other, and to finally join our families and have them witness our love solidified.
No silent
treatments -- use your words. Take a moment but use your words. 
What has your relationship taught you
most about yourself? And her? GerriLynn: That I deserve to have a love like this and she makes me
love her more and more each day. Faloune:
That with God and her support I can do ANYTHING.... she is the very best person
I know and I am blessed to have her as a friend, lover, comedian and wife.
