Yvette Bennett from Atlanta, Georgia
Since you have been single, what have you learned about yourself? I have learned that more than anything, I truly NEEDED to spend a few years alone. I have never been single; going from relationship to relationship and it was very unhealthy. I was taking old baggage into new relationships thinking I’d left it in the past when in reality, it was right there next to me, still packed.
It took some time, some growing pains, lots of “come to Jesus” talks with myself, prayer, meditation and some spiritual guidance from a Minister friend to help me see all of the damage I was doing to myself and those that came into my life. I FINALLY learned to be still, to love myself in my stillness, to enjoy being by myself, knowing that my peace of mind and happiness are already inside of me and allowing myself to surrender to what the Universe has in store for me.
What are you doing now to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship? I am not doing anything to “prepare” myself for a healthy relationship per se’. What I am doing is working on making myself a better person every day. Being more open to anything that I can learn from and that will help me grow as a better mother, daughter, friend, teacher, lover, etc.
I do more things to make myself happy; from sitting and watching the rain through an open window to hopping in the car and taking a spur of the moment road trip somewhere. I have accomplished making myself “healthy” spiritually, mentally, emotionally and still working on physically which is a work in progress. (My weakness is food… I LOVE good food!)
I don’t profess to have all of the answers or to be perfect because I am very far from perfect, but I am happy and proud to say that I am a lot further along than I was at this time last year. Growth is an awesome thing!
I have also learned that I have to be happy with myself and love my life, where I am in this time and place in order to be able to attract that same energy to me so that I can have a happy, healthy relationship with someone else.
What areas do you tend to struggle with most in relationships? Uh oh…. LOL!!! I think communication is sometimes a problem. Although I am a great communicator, I am the type of person that when I am upset, I get quiet. Some people like to talk it out, but I just get quiet and still until I have some kind of resolve within. Once that happens, then I am ready to talk. I don’t like to argue or fuss and sometimes communicating when something is wrong can bring about an argument. People say things they can’t take back in the heat of the moment, and because I am NOT that kind of person, I just get quiet and still. I know some people don’t like that and would rather just talk things out right then at that moment, but for me, I just think sometimes you have to just get quiet and then come back together when level heads prevail.
What characteristics and traits do you find most compatible? Which ones are most problematic and why?
Characteristics I find most compatible are: Honesty, humor, confidence, intelligence, loyalty, romantic, supportive, secure with themselves, ambitious, spontaneous, family oriented, being a social butterfly, can adapt to change, goal driven, HAVING COMMON SENSE, being a pet lover, etc. The list could go on for pages!☺
The ones most problematic: The opposite of everything above! Seriously though, a woman who does not know what she wants; is still holding on to people in her past and trying to move on when they should just be still and heal; an “attention whore”, still trying to “find themselves” and are almost in midlife, and someone who seems to be “allergic” to honesty and integrity. Again, this list could go on and on.. At the end of the day, I look at it like this; life is too short for foolishness. We have so much love to give and so many people who need it, so let’s just love on one another, keep it moving and leave the foolishness at the door.
What do you love about love? I “LOVE” when you can feel the love to the core of your being. When you look at her, or she looks at you and you get a chill deep inside, then you blush. Knowing that this person has your back and you have theirs no matter what. Feeling safe and secure. Just wanting to breathe them in, holding on forever and never letting go. “Feeling” the love in a touch or a kiss… The love being so profound that people see it just looking at the two of us. Smiling, talking, cuddling, sharing our dreams and creating new ones together… I love it all.
What has being in a relationship taught you about you? Being in a relationship has taught me that I need to relax more and just “go with the flow”. I can be very anal, (that’s the Virgo in me) so I am working on being more laid back. Although I am not perfect, I tend to be a perfectionist and expect it of others when I know I shouldn’t, so I am working on that as well.☺
I have learned not to settle. I think I have done that in the past and now know that I will never do that again. It isn’t fair to the person or myself. I’ve learned that I have the “Mother Teresa” syndrome and always want to save broken people. I now know that the only person I am in charge of saving is ME… So the broken must be fixed before entering my life. No exceptions.
What do you admire about yourself? That I have been able to reinvent myself when need be, and I am stronger than I ever imagined I would be. I have set many goals in my life and have accomplished just about all of them, so I continuously set new ones, and I will conquer all of those as well. As long as I have breath in me to breath, I will keep climbing.
I try to inspire and uplift people daily. It not only helps them, it helps me also because I am encouraged when encouraging others. If I can make a difference in anyone’s life, no matter how big or small, then I have succeeded, and that is my goal.
How would your friends describe you?
I had to ask a few, and here are their answers: Brutally honest, loyal, spontaneous, nurturing, charismatic, friendly, outspoken, intelligent, free-spirited, organized, warm, talkative, bossy, loving, passionate, a go getter, humorous, headstrong, patient and understanding.
What do you like to do for fun and why? I really am a free spirit and will do anything or try anything. If I like it, I’ll keep doing it. I am a writer/director and truly LOVE what I do, so I spend a great deal of time working, which is actually fun for me because filmmaking is my passion and not many people are lucky enough to work in what they have passion for. Spending quality time with a special someone, when there IS a special someone or with my children is probably the most fun I could have though.
What is your love language and how did you learn that about yourself? I have yet to read “The Five Love Languages”, but a few of my friends that have read it have told me my love language is “Acts of Service”.
I took the “Five Love Languages” quiz online and my results were “Quality Time” and “Acts of Service”. I would say I agree with both. Quality time is important to me. It always has been and always will be. Although my job keeps me very busy and work extremely long hours at times, when I am able to spend time with my family or that special someone, it means everything to me. Love is in the details, and there are many wonderful details in spending quality time in the presence of those you love and are most important to you.
Finish this sentence…..Before I die I want to-- live a full life with no regrets that most only dream of, filled with love and happiness, surrounded by family and close friends; and accomplish every goal I set.. I also want to be someone who makes a difference in people’s lives. When I am long gone from this earth, I want to have left some type of legacy or to have made life long positive impressions on others; whether it is through my work as a filmmaker, or just being an average everyday woman that has made a positive difference in someone’s life.
How important is spirituality to you? Spirituality is very important to me. It keeps me grounded and helps me keep my peace within, regardless of what’s going on around me. Life happens and we cannot control things that happen at times, but you truly can control how you react to it and how you let it affect you. My spirituality has helped me grow and has taught me to be still, meditate, pray, release the negative energy of the world and only allow positive energy to flow through me. Yes it sounds great and it is a constant work in progress because I am only human, but I can honestly say that five years ago, I was nowhere near this level of spirituality, and I am thankful to God I am where I am today because I now have more peace than I have EVER had in my life.
What important lesson did you learn from your mother that has helped you in life and in relationships? Unfortunately, my mother showed me what type of woman NOT to be. My mother always seemed to be searching for something, someone, some love, some happiness, some peace, some house, some job, and never found it. She couldn’t find it in 3 marriages, she couldn’t find it in having my brother and myself, she couldn’t find it with material things, she couldn’t find it within and seems to still be in search of “it”, whatever “it” is for her.
I decided I did not want to be like that, forever searching. I found “it” in God, in prayer, in meditation, and in loving ME. Loving myself, my children, my friends, my life and being at peace with it all. Counting my blessings instead of complaining; being grateful for this life I have because many have it worse; understanding that I am so very fortunate to be able to work in my “passion” and not going to a job daily that I hate like most people do; knowing that everything that I have gone through has lead me to this moment in my life, decisions all made by me despite what I’ve been through or witnessed from my mother, and I have to say, what a wonderful life it is, and I’m glad it’s mine.
Yvette is a writer and director. You can also find her at the link below:
Yvette D. Bennett- Writer/Director
Endless Productions LLC
(Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)
We thank you for sharing your journey of happiness in singlehood! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other singles. We wish you continued success and happiness. www.createloveforwomen.com
Create Love -- Founders
Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison