HAPPY COUPLE:
Yvonne and Nina
Ricci from North Carolina
How did you get together/meet? The first time we met each other was at a
house party in October 1999. Yvonne: I had recently won a local
dating game contest and was on the scheduled “date” with a friend. We (me, Nina
and my “date”) met and talked off and on all evening. Nina:
Yvonne and I happened to meet for a second time a few months later at the same
location. We connected as friends. From
that point, we eventually became good friends, from good friends to lovers, and
from lovers to life partners.
What was the initial attraction? Yvonne:
I was attracted to Nina’s smile and conversation. Nina:
I was attracted to Yvonne’s calmness and sweet spirit.
What was intriguing about her conversation: Yvonne: Due to some past relationships,
I had some self-esteem issues and Nina was so patient and loving with me. She
was real. She was easy to talk to, and I did not have to make any adjustments
with her. I could be myself.
Nina: I loved her sweet spirit. I had just gotten out
of a stressful relationship where I could never make the person happy. But
Yvonne was different; she was calm. Being with her felt good – it felt like
coming home to a nice bath.
What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship? Nina:
Our key to success is always being able to talk with each other about anything
and feeling free to let each other be who we are. Yvonne: Nina makes me feel safe.
Yvonne, in what ways does Nina make you feel safe? I
know that I can always depend on her no matter what. We are on the same
wavelength. When I feel emotionally fragile, I know she will be there. Also,
she doesn’t play with my emotions either. She doesn’t play games.
Tell me more about the game playing: Yvonne: Some couples play games. For example, not being honest with
each other, not being fully committed to each other, not being who they really
are, and hiding things. We don’t play games with each other and respect each
other’s opinions and feelings.
Nina: I believe you are who you are. You don’t have
to lie. Some couples give each other ultimatums. For example, one says if you don’t do or be
this, I am going to leave. We don’t throw our relationship on the table. That’s
not an option for us. Nothing is worth putting our commitment and love on the
line. We never give each other ultimatums and hold the other’s feelings hostage
by constantly putting the relationship on the line. We respect ourselves and our love above all.
How you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your
relationship? First, we
rely on each other in tough times and work hard to keep all third party voices
out of our “business.” For example, we
have loved and supported each other through Yvonne’s gastric bypass surgery and
through Nina’s recent illness. We still remain totally committed to each other.
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What are your thoughts about relationship counseling or relationship
retreats? We have
attended two of IDC’s (Infinity Diamond Club) relationship retreats and have
really enjoyed the time fellowshipping with the other participants. It allows us to reconnect, slow down, and
really listen to and enjoy each other.
What role does spirituality play in your relationship? Yvonne:
We committed ourselves for life to each other before God and our church
congregation. We have our individual
prayer lives and we pray for each other in our times of stress. Our spiritual connection has really been a
sustaining force as we have adapted to Nina’s health challenges.
What has facing adversity together taught you? Nina: It has taught me patience. We are
very different. Yvonne looks at the world through rose-colored glasses. I let
her be her, and I don’t try to solve everything for us. Before she would tell
me her problems, and I would try to solve them. Now, I know that I just need to
listen.
Yvonne: It has taught me to be less judgmental. I am
more intuitive and a feeler. She’s is more concrete; everything is black or
white. She helps me be more grounded and logical. But, she always allows me to
be me.
What role does sensuality play in your relationship? Yvonne: Nina is a Scorpio and has no
issues. She is very sensual and comfortable in her sexuality. I am working on my body image issues and
finding my “inner sexy”. Nina: I
don’t have issues because I believe you must always remain true to
yourself. I do not follow the designated
path; I make my own path. Yvonne: Finding my inner sexy begins with turning off some
long held negative inner thoughts. I was
morbidly obese my entire life until I had weight loss surgery in 2005. I used to constantly hear those childhood
voices in my head that called me fat and ugly even after losing over 100 lbs. I
would look in the mirror and see the old me.
But with years of reading and taking to heart the lessons taught by
Iyanla Vanzant’s In the Meantime, I work on repeating positive mantras
and stepping out of my comfort zone from time to time to wear more revealing
clothing.
What advice would you give to other couples? We would tell other couples to always talk to
each other and keep the “boo” birds at bay and treat your partner as you want
to be treated. Be sure to keep your home
a sanctuary of peace, love and respect for each other. Don’t let any third party have a seat at your
marriage table and have fun with each other.
What is “boo” bird? A boo bird is a hater or someone who
may be jealous. They are unsupportive friends and family. For us, we talk to each other first about
anything we may have heard from a third party.
We don’t let anything that may remotely make us question our
relationship fester and go unacknowledged.
What has your relationship taught you most about you? Yvonne:
It has taught me that I am not alone and that I can be a princess with my very
own knight in shining armor. One who comes to my rescue even when I can’t see
the danger knocking at my door. Nina: The relationship has taught me
how to love unconditionally- meaning loving her for who she is.
How does she make you feel special?
Yvonne: She listens; she always put my needs first. She
will always take time to listen to me to make sure I am ok.
Nina: She takes care of me. She took care of me
physically when I was sick. She was always there for me and didn’t seem fazed
with me having to use continuous oxygen.
My doctor recently joked with me during a visit that I looked
distinguished with my oxygen on.
When did you “come out” and what did you believe about gay
marriage/partnerships?
Nina: I came out when I was 14 years old. I always knew
that I would have a long-life mate. I knew that I would eventually have
somebody to spend my life with me.
Yvonne: I came out in 1997 in terms of our community. I
was not fully out until after I met Nina. My love for her was very important to
me and I knew she wanted to be acknowledged. She told me that she would not be
put on a shelf to be acknowledged as her girlfriend only when it was acceptable
to me.
Nina: When I met her, I thought I was a “Mack Daddy”.
I told her that being out with me people were going to assume she was gay
anyway. I didn’t want her cover to be blown but I did not want to be put on a
shelf either.
Yvonne, what has
been your experience being married to a masculine-identified woman? It is
easier because people don’t assume, they know we are partners and people get
it. We can say this is my wife and people understand. We don’t have to explain
or have constant conversations about it.
What one word describes your love?
Nina: Solid.
We built our relationship on a strong foundation of friendship. No matter what
will come or what we will face, we will always have a relationship that is
solid.
Yvonne: Blessing. Since the time that we got together,
I prayed for certain things in a partner. Everything that I asked God for, I
have in Nina and my relationship.
What is your vision for your relationship? Our
vision is to be known as a trusting and loving couple that kept people
laughing, that was full of compassion, and believed in the power of love.
If you could tell the world one thing about how wonderful it is to
love your partner, what would you say? Yvonne:
Nina is as wonderful as the feeling that you get when you can walk to the edge
of the highest cliff and jump knowing know that you will land in a bed of
clouds so soft yet strong enough to keep you from all harm Nina: It is wonderful to truly love a woman that loves me back and
has made such a difference in my world. (Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)
Be sure to nurture YOUR LOVE at the Create Love! Conference
on February 16th...More info.
thank you for sharing a wonderful story about two people that i absolutely love......this is my family.
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