I love being in love! To me being in love is a wonderful feeling that fills my heart with joy and fills my spirit with peace. For some reason, just knowing that I am loved, cherished and even thought of makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I feel ecstatic, I feel important, I feel cared for and I feel cared about.
I know there are others who feel the same way because just knowing that someone is concerned about you adds pep in your step and adds zest to your life. Knowing that you matter makes you feel supported, connected and ready to face the world with renewed determination and vigor. And most of all, knowing that someone loves you despite your brokenness, your flaws and your many idiosyncrasies somehow makes you feel more alive, more human, more seen and more worthy.
But I am learning that all love is not good love. Love that only addresses your emotional needs may feel good and intoxicating at first. But eventually that euphoric, enraptured feeling will leave or change. And if there is nothing else to the relationship after the romantic stage wanes, you will be left wanting more, needing more and looking for more. MORE!
I am not knocking that head-over-heels love or that amazing sensation of bliss that makes you lose your breath. Everybody wants to experience that adrenaline and endorphin filled “I can’t live without you” type of love, at least once in their lifetime. But even though emotional love feels good; it is just not enough.
It is not enough because we also need love that feeds our minds, connects with our souls and heals our bodies. We all need love that speaks to the very essence of who we are and believes in all that we hope to be. Even if we don’t express it, we all desire a love that empowers us, enriches us, encourages us and enlightens us. On some level, we all desire a love that makes us better, stronger, smarter and happier. You may think that I am too pragmatic but I believe that we all craze and yearn for a love that does more than touch our hearts; we all deserve and desire MORE.
In my humble opinion, I think that there are 3 important ways that love and healthy relationships should attempt to do/provide MORE. Of course, there are more than 3 ways but I wanted to get the conversation started by first discussing three that seem to challenge couples in unexpected ways. So here we go…..I believe that love should mentally stretch you, stimulate you and strengthen you.
Love should offer MORE. Why? Because I believe that love and our closest relationships have the potential and the ability to expand how we see and experience the world. If we are open and willing, our loved ones can help us spread our wings, broaden our perspectives and challenge our assumptions. If they are really in tuned to who we are, they can also introduce us to new parts of ourselves that we have never explored. They can identify our innate talents and abilities that lay dormant. They can teach us new skills, validate our growth and inspire us to be better.
Being in a loving and secure relationship can also encourage you to take personal and professional risks that you may never attempt alone. In a healthy and secure relationship, you can heal your childhood wounds and address your areas of brokenness that continue to haunt, hurt and hamper you. Yes, you can grow alone, learn alone, start a business alone, go back to school alone and get involved in the community alone. But there is something magical about having people who love you push you, challenge you, encourage you and strategize with you WHILE at the same time loving you.
So be careful. If you are in relationship and you are doing the same things, having the same thoughts, going to the same places, having the same conversations and feeling the same way as you did 5-10 years ago, are you experiencing the fullness of love? Are you desirous of MORE? Hmmm….Only you can decide but I want to caution you with this adage: stagnation equals death.
I look forward to discussing this issue in greater detail during the “7 Touchy Topics that Derail Relationships”. So if you are not registered for the 2014 CREATE LOVE Conference, please register today. Your relationships and friendships will be blessed.
Looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks!