District of Columbia
Since you have been single, what have you learned about yourself?
I have learned that it is okay to be by myself. Honestly, I love the space that I am in. This is the best that I have felt in a long time, because I found ME, and I love ME. I used to be terrified of being by myself, terrified of going to parties alone or going without having someone on my arm. I am not sure why but I thought someone always had to be there with me or in my life, period. I have not been in relationship since 2010, and I am okay with that. I have learned and enjoyed that it is okay to be with ME, just ME.
How have you used your “single” time to learn/grow/explore? I have used this time to heal from old wounds, some wounds caused by me, some not caused by me. But whatever the case, I’ve learned the importance of taking the time to heal.
I am also learning the importance of balance and peace in my life. What I mean is for a while I wanted to be included in every “get together”, every cookout, every house party, happy hour function, etc. I thought if I wasn’t there I would miss out on something, or something was wrong with me if I don’t attend. It was like trying to rush to be a part of everything and please everyone. It was exhausting!
However, my ME time is great too and sometimes I really needed more than anything else. Now, I find pleasure in being still, enjoying small things, and “chill-laxing” in my hot tub or on my patio watching birds and butterflies. I enjoy reflecting on my past, my present and my future. Since being single, I have found a new me. I have started to do things for me- pampering myself, setting new goals, and working on new projects. I am in such a good space right now and I love it.
What are you doing now to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship? Well, I guess you can say that I am preparing myself for a healthy relationship. But I would prefer to look at it as - I have made me healthier and happier for ME, not anyone else but ME. The way that I look at things now and the way that I approach things now will help me be more aware of the type of woman I allow to come into my life and share my space. In the past, I may not have been as prudent and as selective. But the joy and growth that I feel now will make me more selective with whom I choose to date
What books would you recommend to other single women who are also in the “finding ME” process? So to make ME healthier and happier, I have read self help books like: “The Four Agreements”, The Five Love Languages”, “The Mastery of Love.” Also, I started keeping a journal for the first time in my life and found that writing things down really, really does helps.
What areas do you tend to struggle with most in relationships? I struggle with forgiveness. Allowing
What has helped you in your quest to understand forgiveness? Reading the Four Agreements has help me so much and my two favorite agreements are, “Be Impeccable with your word”, and “Don’t Take Anything Personal”. I love it. I recognize my struggle and shortcomings and I want to get better and I will. Everybody deserves at least a listening ear; not sure if everybody deserves forgiveness, but I working on that part J.
What characteristics and traits do you find most compatible? Which ones are most problematic and why? The characteristics/ traits that I find MOST compatible – honesty, integrity, respect, financial stability, authenticity. The characteristics / traits that I find MOST problematic – lack of honesty, integrity, respect, financial stability, and lack of authenticity (LOL). When I ask my partner or the person I am dating to be honest, I want her look me in my face and tell me the truth. Don’t sugar coat it; don’t lie. Give me the truth. When I ask for integrity that means the ability to do the right thing when I am not looking and when I am not there with you. Like I said, it seems simple to ask for that from someone, but it seems hard as hell to get.
What do you love about love? I love the warmth, the security, the cuddling, and the mutual agreement of “I will take care of you Baby, and you will take care of me”. That is all I ask for out of Love. And of course the GREAT, AWESOME all night sex !!!!! When I am in a relationship, I enjoy making love & I enjoy quickie sexcapades; but I really love cuddling all the time, no exceptions.
What has being in a relationship taught you about you? I should always be myself, and not settle. I should be more open to her point of view. It has also taught me to pay attention to those initial warning signs of crazzyyyyy (lol). I haven’t always listened to my inner voice and not listening has cost me in the end. We know crazy when we see it, but I guess we (me) let other things get in the way, like she looks good, the sex is good, etc.
What do you admire about yourself? I am very goal driven. When I say I am going to accomplish something, it gets done - not half way, but all the way to the end. I am proud of the accomplishments that I have made in my career – such as earning my Master’s Degree and excelling at the top in my career field. I admire that nothing stops me for doing what I want to do.
How would your friends describe you? I am really not sure how to answer this one. I am not sure how my friends would describe me, but my hope is that they would take the time to get to know me better. I am also learning that all friends don’t have the same purpose or role in my life. Some may be friends that I just hang out with, but not share my inner thoughts with. Then there are others who have a purpose/role to help me learn and grow. I am learning what role that some friends play in my life, and I am learning to just take people for who they are.
What do you like to do for fun and why?
I have a motorcycle, a Honda CBR F4i 600, that I like to ride. I like all water activity. I like to swim, and I am getting my certification in scuba diving in the next few months. I love to travel. I’ve been to St Croix, Bermuda, Gran Cayman Islands, Bahamas, Mexico, Jamaica, Canada, France, Honduras, Belize, Columbia, Venezuela, Nicaragua, and Urguay.
What is your love language and how did you learn that about yourself?
I have two love languages that tied - Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. Words of Affirmation because I want acknowledgement. I need to hear that you appreciate what I am providing, doing or giving to you. Affirmation is BIG with me. Acts of service, because I am a giver, a care taker, and I need it reciprocated.
Finish this sentence…..before I die I want to: Before, I die I want to be in love - a real, forever, true, genuine and sweet love that knocks me off my feet every time I look at her, and every time we make love. That’s what I want before I die.
How important is spirituality to you? It is extremely important, I am truly BLESSED in my life. I have a great lifestyle, a great career, a family that loves me, good health and I recognize that it is all possible because of my love and acknowledgement to GOD. I hear people say they fear GOD. I don’t understand that. I love GOD. I talk to GOD all day every day, all throughout the day. I carry faith with me everywhere I go and with every endeavor that I pursue. My grandparents raised me in Sunday school, church and vocational bible school. I appreciate that. That teaching at such a young age has stayed with me and shaped me into the woman that I am today. But like I said earlier, still working on that forgiveness part J.
What important lesson did you learn from your mother that has helped you in life and in relationships? My mother is my friend and my rock. I don’t know what I would do without her. I love her very much, but I can’t say that I’ve learned anything from her about relationships. If anything, without being disrespectful, I’ve learned (…and I am still learning) NOT TO SETTLE. Not to be disrespectful, but I have always thought that my mother could have done better. Every man in my mother’s life could have been better. I think she was lonely and she settled. I am trying not to make that my pattern.
If you could tell the universe (God) thank you for one thing, what would that be?
I just can’t be thankful for one thing. But let me list what I am thankful for. I am thankful for my Mother and my family. I am thankful for my strength and growth. I am thankful for your many Blessings and forgiveness.
(Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)
We thank you for sharing your journey of happiness in singlehood! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other singles. We wish you continued success and happiness. www.createloveforwomen.com
Create Love -- Founders
Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison