Happy Couple Highlights: Tametra and Felicia

Tametra Tracy & Felicia White

From Augusta, Ga.

How long have you been together?  Tametra The time we've been together is confusing without knowing our full story. We've known each other for 18 years but officially we’ve been "together" for 5 months... Lol 

 

How did you meet? Tametra: Fee was the girl who made me laugh in cotillion practice and who started sitting next to me on the bus on the way home from high school. Felicia: We have known each other since we were juniors in high school. We met at practice for our debutante ball. We were in the same waltz line together, and from there we were college roommates.

What was the initial attraction? Felicia: In high school, I was immediately attracted to her beautiful smile. She would always laugh at my lame jokes which I loved because I would get the chance to make her smile. Tametra: My initial attraction to Felicia didn't happen until 10 years after college when we met one night for dinner.  I saw her again as a grown woman. She had this confidence and "woman's body, with that small waist and full hips, ooooweeee"... Her conversation with me that night was so stimulating. I didn't know what was happening at the time but I was falling in love.

You have known each other for 18 years.  Were you aware of your attraction to women? Felicia: I didn’t know I was gay. I had friends who were gay and had been with women physically, but I didn’t associate myself as being gay. I was always told that I was going to be some man’s wife so I never equated my feelings as being gay or being in love with Tametra. I thought she was just a good friend of mine. Tametra: I didn’t consider myself gay either but I was aware of my sexuality. I thought that being gay was deviant and that having sex with women was just a secret indulgence. I didn’t think I was like “those” people.

  

What gave you the courage to investigate and/or consider your attraction to women? Felicia:  Being married to a man for 3 years was the real reality for me because I learned that I didn’t want to be married to a man. I didn’t connect with my ex-husband because my heart, mind, and body felt more at ease with women. I could not even relate to him through conversation. I had a connection to Tametra that was stronger than anyone I had ever been with (male or female). When the time came, I asked myself that if I were ever to leave him, and not be with Tametra, would I ever be with another man. The answer was no. It was hands down that I would be with a woman, period.

Did you have problems accepting your attraction? Tametra: To me, I thought that it was just lust. I tried to pray it away. I got married to my ex-husband in 1999 and I went numb sexually. When I got married, Fee stopped talking to me and I didn’t understand why. Now I know she had feelings for me and felt betrayed.

After 10 years apart, we met for dinner and we both realized that we were falling in love. I was married and she was about to get married. When she got married, it was hard for us to stay away from each other. What convicted me wasn’t my love for her. What convicted me was that I was being disloyal to my husband. Also, my husband and I were ministers at our church so that conflict was hard too. My ex-husband and I tried to work on our marriage and we studied about homosexuality together to understand God’s heart. After we finished our studies, I knew that my 12 year marriage was over. I was scared, excited and grieved.

How did your families respond to your choices? Felicia:  I came out to my sister first. She said, “You are my sister and I love you”. That was it. No one I told yet has been surprised. They said that they were more surprised when I married a man. All of my friends have been supportive too. Some people were not surprised that I was with Tametra either. Others were surprised because they knew that I was gay but didn’t think that she was gay. But when everything came out, it explained a lotJ. Tametra: I come from a family that is big on appearances. In the depths of my soul, I know that my mom knew that Felicia and I had a connection.  Felicia even kept in touch with my mom even when Felicia and I were not speaking.  My mother says that she does not agree with it and I don’t have much support from her. My biggest supporters are my ex-husband, daughter, brother and a few friends.

Felicia, how has your ex-husband responded? As a result, we have truly become friends, which was not the case when we were together. We have now connected on that level. He knows that I am happy and in love.

 

Transitions can be difficult. How is the “blending” of the households going? Tametra: The transition has been pretty good. When you are living your truth, it is easy. I didn’t do this just to be happy; I did it to be right. I wanted peace. My daughter saw and got to know Felicia over the years anyway so that was not too hard. My daughter just wants me and her Daddy to get along and love each other. That’s all that matters to her. Felicia: It is an adjustment for me. I have never had a child and I have never been responsible for anyone before. She’s not a typical 11-year-old either. We are still trying to feel each other out and work out our relationship.

What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship? Tametra: Communication... We talk out our misunderstandings and issue before they become "issues". Also for me, learning to take what Felicia says at face value and not analyze everything she says helps. Felicia: The ability to be open-minded. That helps us see things from each other's perspective. Tametra: We dream together. What’s so potent is that whatever we dream about, it happens. It is amazing. Whatever vision we have, we know we can make it happen together.

What helps you dream together: Felicia: We are so in sync. Our visions and destinations always match. We have the same goals in mind even if we differ on the details. Tametra: Felicia is extremely encouraging to me. She is a career woman.  When I was married, I was a mother and focused on being a wife. I was doing what I thought was right but I wasn’t being myself.  Felicia "saw" me and she gave me encouragement. She is able to pull the best out of me.

Having an 18 year friendship is a great foundation. What do you believe is the value of having a shared history? Felicia: We know each other as friends. We want the best for each without any ulterior motives. There were things we would do for each other simply because we wanted the best for each other.  Tametra: As women, we can sometimes get caught up in our emotions under the premise of “I feel”.  As friends we are able to separate that and categorize who we are. Because I know her, her family and I “know” who she is, when we fall out as lovers, I still have my friend. For example, when she got married I sang at her wedding. I hated seeing her looking so beautiful in someone else’s arms. But, I wanted her to be happy as my friend first. Even though it killed me, I wanted her to be happy.

How have you learned to face challenges that come up in your relationship? Felicia: We make it a point to always have each other's back. We turn to each other first. Tametra: I go on and on and on until she opens up! I'm the talker in the family! I'm learning to wait until Fee is ready to talk and she's doing a great job of not shutting down like she used to. Yet we have each other's back and we have a good history of friendship.

 What role does spirituality play in your relationship? Felicia: Spirituality reminds us of our greater connection to each other. It sets the understanding that we are soul mates. Our purpose for being together is about more than just us. Tametra: Spirituality for me is huge... It's how I see most of my day. So it's how I view my relationship with Felicia. It's how I was able to be free to pursue my feelings for her.

What role does sensuality play in your relationship? Tametra: I am very conservative when it comes to "kissing and telling" because I love holding that piece of me for the One I love. Between the two of us, we express our love very sensually and openly. Felicia: We enjoy exploring each other's body through touch, taste and kiss. There are no limits to our love both emotionally and physically.

 

What advice would you give to other couples? Felicia: We would advise other couples to live authentically, not just individually but together as well. Don't be afraid to give and accept all the love you can from each other and take advantage of every moment together. Always be present in the moment. Tametra: The advice I would give to other couples would be to concentrate on loving yourself and love your partner from that place of self-care and self-love. That way, you won't put unnecessary pressure on your spouse to be what you need to be to yourself. And you will have an ample reservoir to give love from.

 

What has your relationship taught you most about yourself? Tametra: This relationship has taught me that I am worthy of good things, happiness and love without working for it. It has given me another perspective of what the love of God looks like. Felicia: This relationship has taught me about what it is that I love and how to love. I am more confident in myself now more than ever because I fully know who I am and how to truly be myself.

If you could thank her for one thing, what would it be? Felicia: I would thank her for allowing me to be myself. Tametra is the reason that I have learned to love authentically on every level. She has taught me to embrace the innate things in me; she guided me to that. My life has changed and I have excelled professionally and personally because of her.  I have changed inside and others can see that I am living life, and that life is not just living me. Tametra: I would thank her for teaching me how to be fearless.  Felicia is an initiator and she gets things done. She is such a good example of a strong woman who handles her business. She has taught me that it is ok to do what I want to do and she gave me the desire to go back to school. She gives me the permission to be me and I know she has my back.

What 1 word describes/characterizes your love? Felicia: Blessed. All aspects of our relationship are blessed. For example, our ex-husbands have every reason to hate us, but they don’t. They speak to us, they love us and they support us. Also, Tametra is a blessing to me and we have been a blessing to each other. As people see our stories and our love, they will be blessed. Tametra: Destiny. No matter what we have done or the different paths we have taken in life, we have always come back to each other. We were destined to be together.

Photos taken by:

Chanda Rae Photography 

http://www.artyoustudio.com and 

Chandarae@facebook.com

(Interviewed by SharRon Jamison)

 

We thank you for sharing your love with us at Create Love! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other couples. We wish you continued success and happiness. www.createloveforwomen.com

Create Love Founders

Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison 

We will see you at the 2014 Create Love Conference on March 8, 2014: More Info

Homosexuality is African: A Tribute to Nelson Mandela

A Tribute to Nelson Mandela

By Di Neo

 

As World War I drew to an end, in a Thembu village in rural South Africa, the Madiba clan, having been disposed of their land and heritage by a colonial and imperialistic British government, bore a child on the 18th of July 1918.  His name was Rholihlahla Mandela and he would free his people from oppression. 

 

Rholihlahla was raised in a Thembu nation under the guidance of his uncle who was a temporary Regent of the Thembu.  From a young age, he would learn about collective governing and leadership steeped in the Xhosa culture of social justice commonly referred to as "ubuntu" (a person is a person because of other people). 

 

Of the many struggles that Madiba has confronted, the issue of LGBTI rights was one of the justice issues he championed.  Mandela's early contact with LGBT issues began, most likely, with his fellow comrade, and the man he frequently posed as a driver for on numerous occassions, Cecil Williams.  It was in a car with Williams while driving in Howick, that Nelson was arrested and went on to serve his life imprisonment. 

 

The African National Congress (ANC), Mandela's political home until his death, first publically made their position on LGBTI rights in 1986 when former President Thabo Mbeki stated that the ANC would extend rights to all oppressed people of South Africa, including LGBTI people.  Thus, Mandela, during his presidency and prior, met with LGBT people and leaders to hear their struggles, share in their hopes and promise his solidarity.  And, in true Madiba fashion, he delivered. 

 

In December 1994 he appointed Edwin Cameron, an openly gay HIV positive man, to the High Court and called him "one of South Africa's new heroes."   Cameron went on to become a Constitutional Court judge.  In 1995 Mandela affirmed his support for the LGBTI community by meeting with its activists at Luthuli House, home of the ANC's center of power.   And finally, Mandela signed into law, on 10 December 1996, the Constitution of South Africa whose Section Nine enshrines LGBT rights and equality.  It was the first time in the history of the world that LGBT rights were enshrined in a country's Constitution. 

 

Many people have praised Madiba for his long walk.  I too, have praise for him that encapsulates the experiences of oppressed people. 

I praise him for the freedom and equality he gave me that restored my dignity; that allows me to walk tall even with all the hate, prejudice and slurs I have endured because of labels I have -by divine making - worn. 

 

African - a label that, for the longest time, had relegated us as the most unfortunate race on earth. 

 

Black - a label that had rendered us slaves, cheap labor, niggers, kaffirs and inconsequential. 

 

Woman - a label that rendered us weak, minors, sexual objects and the signifiers but never the significant. 

 

Gay - a label that had us burnt alive, eaten and torn apart by dogs, stoned to death, denied our human rights and rendered a crime. 

 

And so today, I honor the man who, through his sense of social justice, of ubuntu, of integrity, of courage, has walked a 67 year long walk and reached Martin Luther King Jnr's mountain top.  A man who opened his hand to reveal a welcoming palm for all of us to take.  A man who sat us down and showed us how to create peace and how to pursue justice for all.  I honor the man who told us that the key to achieving our freedoms lay in providing freedoms for others.  Mostly, I honor Rholihlahla Mandela because today, I pursue my life's work as an artist with a reconciled and healed spirit so that my light may reflect the peace I have inherited.  A peace reassured by the fullness of my human dignity as an equal and proud African, Black and gay woman of the Xhosa people. 

 

In South Africa we will continue to sing: "Nelson Mandela, the is no one like you.".    We carry you

in our spirits.  Rest in peace Madiba.

By Di Neo

BLOG NAME: straight talk with Di Neo www.straighttalkwithdineo.blogspot.com

ADVOCACY Campaign title: I'm Your Ally campaign www.facebook.com/groups/ImYourAlly

 

Create Love Founders

Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison 

We look forward to seeing you at the 

Create Love Conference

March 8, 2014

GET MORE INFO HERE

ASK LOVE III: Relationship Q & A

QUESTION: I have been part of this community for years, and seeing continued growth in all avenues, rather it be by platforms such as yours, party promoters and most recently web series. there has been a large group of people that always seem to be overlooked, that group being lesbians with physical disabilities. we speak DIVERSITY, but that is shown by including women of all races and colors. Question: How could we get exposure too? we know how to love, we are successful and have made numerous accomplishments while having the challenges that we face, not only in being discriminated against by our own people of color but also and most importantly the women in our own community. CAN THIS GAP BE CLOSED?

Helen -- Atlanta, GA

First and foremost, Helen, I want to thank you so much for posing this issue and question to Create Love. As someone who is newly embracing changes in my body that affect my mobility, I am excited to explore this particular issue in this space of "creating love". I want to begin at the end by answering the final portion of your question, "can this gap be closed?". This question must be answered with a resounding YES! Yes, the gap can be closed because it represents those spaces that can be filled by extending more compassion and love to one another. Yes, the gap can be closed because we have in our midst the power and knowledge needed to close it. Yes, the gap can be closed because people like you remind us that the battle for equality is not won until we are all included.


Now, I want to explore what it means to be disabled. In my quest to answer your question and research the data, I found it challenging to gather accurate data on disabilities unless the definition is clear. To that end, I decided to reference the definition stated by the US Census Bureau, as follows:

In the 2000 Census, disabledpeople were defined as those who have difficulty "performing certainfunctions (seeing, hearing, talking, walking, climbing stairs, and lifting andcarrying), or ... performing activities of daily living, or ... with certain socialroles (doing school work for children, working at a job and around the housefor adults)."

DID YOU KNOW THIS? According to the United States Census Bureau there are an estimated 48.9 million disabled people in the United States. Furthermore, 15% of the world's population, 1 billion people, live with disabilities across the world. This constitutes the largest minority group in the world. 

When you are able to wrap your mind around these statistics it is unimaginable that this many people could ever be made to feel invisible by any group or culture. However the sad truth is that we too often see the world filtered through a schema that is, sometimes unknowingly, narcissistic. In other words our attention is often drawn to those things that we understand through own experiences. Yet full inclusion requires us to challenge this bigotry within ourselves. And there is no better place to start than within our heart.

You are absolutely right that too often when we speak of diversity we are limiting the scope of what it actually means. The common use of "diversity" is regarding race and/or ethnicity. However, we are not always in tune to the broad scope of diversity and inclusion. Sidebar – this is actually one of the reasons that I do not really care for the use of the word "diversity" in community work. Nevertheless, I don't know that this lack of inclusive thinking is any more profound in the lesbian community, but rather that the lesbian community is a microcosm of larger societal issues. Please note that is no excuse, but rather an unfortunate reality. It really boils down to a social justice issue.

I have considered myself an advocate, activist and social change agent for more than 25 years. However, it is in the more recent years that I have been challenged to broaden my own scope of inclusion. What I believe is that we live in a xenophobic culture that shies away from things that are different from who we are. Moving beyond this place in our culture requires us to be intentional on a personal and social level. Below I have included some thoughts as to how we can begin to make change in both areas:

• We must recognize and accept that we all experience privilege in some form or another. And in those places we must challenge ourselves to be inclusive. As it relates specifically to the issue of disabilities, or those who are differently abled and/or challenged, we must be intentional about creating spaces for those lesbians to show up with dignity. For example, if you are planning a meeting that is open to the general public take a second and think about how people with different abilities would be able to access that space. Then be sure to include any special instructions if needed, i.e., where the elevator is located, how many flights of stairs there may be, etc.

• On a personal note, I am adjusting to having stage 4 arthritis in both knees, but I do not have a disabled sticker on my car. Thus, I am usually very frustrated when I arrive to an event or meeting and the parking is cumbersome for people with mobility challenges, yet no one thought to mention that in the instructions. As an adjustment, I usually get to a meeting very early so that I can navigate within my own comfort level.  I am not a victim, so I will always find my power. However, it is more welcoming when the organizers have thought of people like me in the planning.

• We must challenge ourselves to ask questions about the inclusion of others. We do not have to be a member of that group to be concerned about its representation.

• When we experience discrimination of someone who is differently abled, masked as the target of a joke, we must be clear that there is nothing funny about it! We cannot allow discrimination, oppression and exclusion to masquerade as humor. Not on my watch!

• We must take a moment to educate ourselves about disabilities, specifically lesbians with disabilities. Don't assume you know what you think you know. After all, the wiser we become the more we know that there is so much that we don't know. There is nothing wrong with the ignorance of not being taught, as long as you are willing to learn. At the end of this article are some great links to begin educating and resourcing yourself about lesbians with disabilities.

• We must work to see and embrace the idea of lesbians with disabilities as beautiful, sexual beings. They are worthy of quality relationships and do not deserve, nor want our pity. They are powerful, accomplished and vital members of our beloved community.

• On a personal level, lesbians with disabilities must embrace a positive self-concept, body image and sexual identity. They must be unwilling to be invisible by any means necessary!

As we negotiate space with multiple identities it can sometimes feel like a precarious place to be. As a result, we have all felt like a sister outsider at some point, even to the ones who have professed to embrace us. The key to participating in a change revolution is the willingness to live our lives out loud; the willingness to be unapologetic about who we are in all of our identities; to express our intelligence, spirituality, sensuality and personhood in every minute and every moment and every space possible.

Again, Helen, I appreciate you for your question and the opportunity it gives for all of us to reflect on this very important topic. It is my hope that you continue to live your life out loud and know that we hold you up and support you even when the larger community falls short. I wish you great success as you continue on your journey to create more love in your life!

RESOURCES:

Fabled/Asp

An article: Lesbians With Disabilites-A Minority In A Minority

We Exist: Lesbians With Disabilites

Women and Disability: A study

Sexuality and Disability

Nya Akoma,

Imani Evans, MA

www.createloveforwomen.com

www.surviving2thriving.org

http://selfcarefordynamicwomen.blogspot.com

imani@surviving2thriving.org

We look forward to seeing you at the 2014 CREATE LOVE CONFERENCE for women who love women on March 8, 2014!

10 Days of Gratitude: Day 10 - By SharRon Jamison

Gratitude is a verb; it is an action word!

By SharRon Jamison

I am grateful and I thank God that I don’t look like what I have been through. I have suffered physical abuse that crushed my ribs and endured verbal abuse that crushed my spirit. I have experienced plenty, and God knows that I have also experienced lack. I have experienced good health and I have also experienced sickness and debilitating depression. I have experienced just a little joy, not much, and I have experienced great despair. Most of my life and sometimes even now, I feel alone, misunderstood, isolated and disconnected in ways that often scare me. But through it all and most of all, I am grateful!!  I have gratitude!

To me true gratitude is a verb; it is an action word. It is sense of thankfulness that spurs me to perform, work, behave and conduct myself in ways that tells God “thank you, much obliged”. It is a sense of appreciation that motivates me TO BE, TO HAVE and TO DO. And many times, it is gratitude that gives me the confidence to act fearlessly, boldly, inclusively, consistently and lovingly.  Why? Because gratitude demands to be seen, felt, experienced and shared.  To me, gratitude is a verb; it is an action word!

What does Gratitude REQUIRE of ME?

Gratitude commands that I HAVE.  It demands that I HAVE patience with people who feel low, less than, lonely and little. It demands that I HAVE empathy for those who feel invisible, inaudible, insignificant and inadequate. It requires that I HAVE tolerance for those who love, live, believe and celebrate differently. Gratitude demands that I HAVE mercy for those who make mistakes, missteps, miscalculations and misinterpretations. It requires that I HAVE compassion for those who are hurting, homeless, helpless and hopeless. It challenges me to HAVE peace in my heart, my home, my community and in my world. Gratitude demands that I HAVE me….my back, my spirit, my health, my mind and my soul functioning to the best of my ability. Gratitude requires that I HAVE! Because to me, gratitude is a verb; it is an action word!

What does Gratitude REQUIRE of ME?

Gratitude demands me TO BE. Gratitude requires that I BE an advocate for those who feel minimized, marginalized, disenfranchised and unfairly criminalized. It demands that I BE a minister who preaches and proclaims that GOD loves all people – gay, straight, black, white, brown, red, yellow, abled, differently abled, poor, rich, sick and healthy - people. It demands that I share that God loves us all  - people from downtown, from uptown and even people who are just low down. God is LOVE!

Gratitude demands that I BE passionate, precise and persuasive in my speech as I express beliefs and positions that are unpopular, trivialized, chastised and unconventional.  Gratitude demands that I speak up, speak out and speak often for those who are denied a vote, a voice or a choice. Gratitude demands that I BE courageous, consistent, committed and concerned about things that not only affect me but also affect others. It requires that I BE powerful, persevering, passionate and purposeful in my life and in the lives others. Even though it is not proper English, gratitude demands that I BE.  Because to me, gratitude is a verb; it is an action word.

What does Gratitude REQUIRE of ME?

Gratitude requires that I DO. It requires that I DO justice to people who are not in my clique, my clan, my community, my corner or in my country.  It requires that I DO love, DO pray and DO empower the sick and shut-in, the imprisoned and locked-in, and the labeled and held-in.  It commands that I DO empowerment work to ensure that truth trumps tradition, virtue vetoes violence, education eliminates enmity, fairness fosters friendships, consideration cultivates the community, goodness guzzles greed and love lifts life.  Gratitude demands that I sometimes DO more, sometimes DO less, but ALWAYs DO better. Because to me, gratitude is a verb; it is an action word.

Gratitude also requires that I DO NOT. It requires that I DO NOT get blinded by blessedness and seduced by success. It requires that I DO NOT get discouraged by my depression and get sidetracked by my sicknesses. It requires that I DO NOT get impeded by my insecurities and intimidated by my inadequacies. It requires that I DO NOT get derailed by my doubts or discouraged by my detractors. It requires that I DO NOT get limited by lack or get lost in luxury. It demands that I DO NOT get frustrated by failure and faltered by falsehoods. It demands that I DO NOT let pessimism poison me, toxicity tackle me, regrets retard me, shame stifle me, guilt gobble me or my mistakes minimize me. Because gratitude is a verb; it is an action word.

God has been too good and too GOD to me. So I no longer just want to count my blessings; I want to make my blessings count.  Because gratitude is a verb; it is an action word.

Hallelujah! Praise God! Glory! And, amen!

Blessings!

SharRon Jamison
www.createloveforwomen.com
www.icandependonme-sharronjamison.com
www.sharronjamison.com
SharRoneJamison@gmail.com

Create Love Founders

Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison 

We look forward to seeing you at the 

Create Love Conference

March 8, 2014

GET MORE INFO HERE