Tametra Tracy & Felicia White
How long have you been together? Tametra The time we've been together is confusing without knowing our full story. We've known each other for 18 years but officially we’ve been "together" for 5 months... Lol
How did you meet? Tametra: Fee was the girl who made me laugh in cotillion practice and who started sitting next to me on the bus on the way home from high school. Felicia: We have known each other since we were juniors in high school. We met at practice for our debutante ball. We were in the same waltz line together, and from there we were college roommates.
What was the initial attraction? Felicia: In high school, I was immediately attracted to her beautiful smile. She would always laugh at my lame jokes which I loved because I would get the chance to make her smile. Tametra: My initial attraction to Felicia didn't happen until 10 years after college when we met one night for dinner. I saw her again as a grown woman. She had this confidence and "woman's body, with that small waist and full hips, ooooweeee"... Her conversation with me that night was so stimulating. I didn't know what was happening at the time but I was falling in love.
You have known each other for 18 years. Were you aware of your attraction to women? Felicia: I didn’t know I was gay. I had friends who were gay and had been with women physically, but I didn’t associate myself as being gay. I was always told that I was going to be some man’s wife so I never equated my feelings as being gay or being in love with Tametra. I thought she was just a good friend of mine. Tametra: I didn’t consider myself gay either but I was aware of my sexuality. I thought that being gay was deviant and that having sex with women was just a secret indulgence. I didn’t think I was like “those” people.
What gave you the courage to investigate and/or consider your attraction to women? Felicia: Being married to a man for 3 years was the real reality for me because I learned that I didn’t want to be married to a man. I didn’t connect with my ex-husband because my heart, mind, and body felt more at ease with women. I could not even relate to him through conversation. I had a connection to Tametra that was stronger than anyone I had ever been with (male or female). When the time came, I asked myself that if I were ever to leave him, and not be with Tametra, would I ever be with another man. The answer was no. It was hands down that I would be with a woman, period.
Did you have problems accepting your attraction? Tametra: To me, I thought that it was just lust. I tried to pray it away. I got married to my ex-husband in 1999 and I went numb sexually. When I got married, Fee stopped talking to me and I didn’t understand why. Now I know she had feelings for me and felt betrayed.
After 10 years apart, we met for dinner and we both realized that we were falling in love. I was married and she was about to get married. When she got married, it was hard for us to stay away from each other. What convicted me wasn’t my love for her. What convicted me was that I was being disloyal to my husband. Also, my husband and I were ministers at our church so that conflict was hard too. My ex-husband and I tried to work on our marriage and we studied about homosexuality together to understand God’s heart. After we finished our studies, I knew that my 12 year marriage was over. I was scared, excited and grieved.
How did your families respond to your choices? Felicia: I came out to my sister first. She said, “You are my sister and I love you”. That was it. No one I told yet has been surprised. They said that they were more surprised when I married a man. All of my friends have been supportive too. Some people were not surprised that I was with Tametra either. Others were surprised because they knew that I was gay but didn’t think that she was gay. But when everything came out, it explained a lotJ. Tametra: I come from a family that is big on appearances. In the depths of my soul, I know that my mom knew that Felicia and I had a connection. Felicia even kept in touch with my mom even when Felicia and I were not speaking. My mother says that she does not agree with it and I don’t have much support from her. My biggest supporters are my ex-husband, daughter, brother and a few friends.
Felicia, how has your ex-husband responded? As a result, we have truly become friends, which was not the case when we were together. We have now connected on that level. He knows that I am happy and in love.
Transitions can be difficult. How is the “blending” of the households going? Tametra: The transition has been pretty good. When you are living your truth, it is easy. I didn’t do this just to be happy; I did it to be right. I wanted peace. My daughter saw and got to know Felicia over the years anyway so that was not too hard. My daughter just wants me and her Daddy to get along and love each other. That’s all that matters to her. Felicia: It is an adjustment for me. I have never had a child and I have never been responsible for anyone before. She’s not a typical 11-year-old either. We are still trying to feel each other out and work out our relationship.
What would you say is the key to the success of your relationship? Tametra: Communication... We talk out our misunderstandings and issue before they become "issues". Also for me, learning to take what Felicia says at face value and not analyze everything she says helps. Felicia: The ability to be open-minded. That helps us see things from each other's perspective. Tametra: We dream together. What’s so potent is that whatever we dream about, it happens. It is amazing. Whatever vision we have, we know we can make it happen together.
What helps you dream together: Felicia: We are so in sync. Our visions and destinations always match. We have the same goals in mind even if we differ on the details. Tametra: Felicia is extremely encouraging to me. She is a career woman. When I was married, I was a mother and focused on being a wife. I was doing what I thought was right but I wasn’t being myself. Felicia "saw" me and she gave me encouragement. She is able to pull the best out of me.
Having an 18 year friendship is a great foundation. What do you believe is the value of having a shared history? Felicia: We know each other as friends. We want the best for each without any ulterior motives. There were things we would do for each other simply because we wanted the best for each other. Tametra: As women, we can sometimes get caught up in our emotions under the premise of “I feel”. As friends we are able to separate that and categorize who we are. Because I know her, her family and I “know” who she is, when we fall out as lovers, I still have my friend. For example, when she got married I sang at her wedding. I hated seeing her looking so beautiful in someone else’s arms. But, I wanted her to be happy as my friend first. Even though it killed me, I wanted her to be happy.
How have you learned to face challenges that come up in your relationship? Felicia: We make it a point to always have each other's back. We turn to each other first. Tametra: I go on and on and on until she opens up! I'm the talker in the family! I'm learning to wait until Fee is ready to talk and she's doing a great job of not shutting down like she used to. Yet we have each other's back and we have a good history of friendship.
What role does spirituality play in your relationship? Felicia: Spirituality reminds us of our greater connection to each other. It sets the understanding that we are soul mates. Our purpose for being together is about more than just us. Tametra: Spirituality for me is huge... It's how I see most of my day. So it's how I view my relationship with Felicia. It's how I was able to be free to pursue my feelings for her.
What role does sensuality play in your relationship? Tametra: I am very conservative when it comes to "kissing and telling" because I love holding that piece of me for the One I love. Between the two of us, we express our love very sensually and openly. Felicia: We enjoy exploring each other's body through touch, taste and kiss. There are no limits to our love both emotionally and physically.
What advice would you give to other couples? Felicia: We would advise other couples to live authentically, not just individually but together as well. Don't be afraid to give and accept all the love you can from each other and take advantage of every moment together. Always be present in the moment. Tametra: The advice I would give to other couples would be to concentrate on loving yourself and love your partner from that place of self-care and self-love. That way, you won't put unnecessary pressure on your spouse to be what you need to be to yourself. And you will have an ample reservoir to give love from.
What has your relationship taught you most about yourself? Tametra: This relationship has taught me that I am worthy of good things, happiness and love without working for it. It has given me another perspective of what the love of God looks like. Felicia: This relationship has taught me about what it is that I love and how to love. I am more confident in myself now more than ever because I fully know who I am and how to truly be myself.
If you could thank her for one thing, what would it be? Felicia: I would thank her for allowing me to be myself. Tametra is the reason that I have learned to love authentically on every level. She has taught me to embrace the innate things in me; she guided me to that. My life has changed and I have excelled professionally and personally because of her. I have changed inside and others can see that I am living life, and that life is not just living me. Tametra: I would thank her for teaching me how to be fearless. Felicia is an initiator and she gets things done. She is such a good example of a strong woman who handles her business. She has taught me that it is ok to do what I want to do and she gave me the desire to go back to school. She gives me the permission to be me and I know she has my back.
What 1 word describes/characterizes your love? Felicia: Blessed. All aspects of our relationship are blessed. For example, our ex-husbands have every reason to hate us, but they don’t. They speak to us, they love us and they support us. Also, Tametra is a blessing to me and we have been a blessing to each other. As people see our stories and our love, they will be blessed. Tametra: Destiny. No matter what we have done or the different paths we have taken in life, we have always come back to each other. We were destined to be together.
Photos taken by:
Chanda Rae Photography
(Interviewed by SharRon Jamison)
We thank you for sharing your love with us at Create Love! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other couples. We wish you continued success and happiness. www.createloveforwomen.com
Create Love Founders
Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison
We will see you at the 2014 Create Love Conference on March 8, 2014: More Info
We will see you at the 2014 Create Love Conference on March 8, 2014: More Info