Beautiful Couple: Toni and Arlene
Washington
How long have you
been together: 3 years
How did you meet:
Toni: We met through a mutual
friend. Arlene just moved to Sacramento
and it was her first night out and I was just looking to meet someone to hang
out with. We met at BJs brewery on a
Friday night for drinks. We talked and I was told by her friend that she
"didn't do women" and I was cool with that. I told our mutual friend that I just wanted
someone to go to concerts, museums, and {do}…. grown folk stuff that my kids
didn't want to do.
What did you think/feel
when you first saw her? Arlene: I noticed that she was easy to talk to. We
had great conversation and laughed for hours. She made me feel safe. She was
sweet and innocent. She gave me eye contact, and the icing on the cake was when
she asked to hold my hand.
Toni: I was
smitten by Arlene’s beauty. She greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
She was professional, strong and confident. After 7 hours of conversation, I
knew that I wanted her to be mine. We drank quite a few beers and being the
studly stud that I am, I began to think, "How strictly-dickly is
she?" So I asked, "Can I hold
your hand?" She reached for me and has never let go.
Arlene: I had just moved to Sacramento and I was quick to let her know
that I did not want nor need anything from her.
I had a job. But after talking with her for seven hours, I knew she was
different.
Toni: We met on a
Friday evening; I didn't call her until Monday even though she called me on
Saturday and Sunday. I already knew that I loved her and wanted to be with her.
On Monday I called her and said, "If you're seeing anyone you need to tell
them you're with me". She said
"OK". That night I asked her
to come lay with me, no sex just intimacy and she did.
On Tuesday she moved in and we have been
UNBREAKABLE since.
What helps you be
unbreakable? Communication- We talk about everything under the sun even
those uncomfortable {subjects}. Balance- We are total opposites in just about
everything but we complement each other and we agree to disagree. We are
different but there is still harmony. Compromise-You got to give a little to
get a little. Friendship-We are best friends.
Discuss how you deal
with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship? We allow
each other to process the situation. We talk and we LISTEN. Because we are so
opposite, we can usually find a middle ground and a settling point. We pray for patience and the RIGHT words.
Arlene: We are
also each other’s emergency generators. When one of us is tired, the other just
kicks in. We also know how to re-energize each other when we see we’re tired or
need a little boost. We are open with each other. WE don’t hide anything from
each other. How can you have you transparency if you are blocking or hiding
thoughts, feelings and emotions?
Toni: Arlene was
heaven sent. When I met her I was 44with 4 kids. My partner had died of colon cancer and I had
been on my own. I told her that me and
my kids were a package deal and she was ok with it. I feel Vera, my ex-partner,
sent me signs to confirm that Arlene was the one and that is why I know that
she is heaven sent. That is why I know that she is my soul mate.
What have you taught
your children about your relationship? Children are blank canvases and they
become what you are. They learn what you teach them. You can’t raise
open-minded children in a close-minded home. As long as they are getting their
needs met, that’s all that matters. They love us.
Arlene: I have 2
older children from a former relationship, and I also have 2 grandchildren. It
was a shock when they found out that their Mom with was a woman. But we talked
it through. Open communication is important. We realize that we are all we
have. I realize that it is just a blessing to have a partner, our kids, and our
home. We have everything that we need.
Toni, what is the
biggest misconception that people have about masculine identified women? That
we are expected to always be in control. Daddies get tired too. Arlene just
allows me to be free. She is so loving. She is so encouraging. She pushes me
and inspires me. I think it is sexy as heck for a femme to be CONFIDENT enough
to body-slam me and take what she wants. Sometimes, it is good to be slammed on
the bed, skip the foreplay and not have to think or ask about sex; just get it
in!!
Arlene, you are a
powerhouse too. How does your power co-exist peacefully with Toni’s power? We
are able to co-exist because I am her equal.
She did fall in love with a woman who knows what she likes, what to do
with it and doesn’t always feel the need to get her permission first. With that being said I do respect her as the
head of the house. I have to be strong
or I won’t be able to love her through anything.
What role does
spiritually play in your relationship? Toni: It is the foundation for ALL
we do. Our family is very involved in
our church. I am a Deacon and Arlene is the Director of Hospitality. We have 4 kids living at home and two grown
daughters. ALL are active in church. Our sons are ushers and our daughters are
greeters. They also help on the Hospitality team. It was a REQUIREMENT for me. I need a partner that I could worship with
and pray with and I got her.
Arlene: Spirituality is the foundation individually
and collectively. We are both on a
spiritual journey and we’re taking our family with us.
What role does
sensuality and mutual attraction play in your relationship?
Arlene: No more and no less than what it should....we are fortunate
to be very attracted to each other so intimacy and sensuality comes naturally,
authentically and effortlessly. Every
woman hopes for someone to come along and tap into all that you have to
offer......which in both of our cases is ALOT!!!!! I have finally found the
ONE. I am proud of it and don’t take it for granted.
What special things
do you do daily to remind her of your love? Arlene: We always eat off of 1
plate. I love feeding her. I LOVE rubbing her head while watching TV- anything
that involves us touching.
Toni: I write
poetry, erotic passages and simple things for her. I text her on the way to
work. I leave notes on the windshield. I buy cards.
What are three virtues/things
that support your love and your relationship?
Arlene: 1) Being
real and authentic. When you are transparent, you are easier to love. It is ok
to agree to disagree. It is ok to be yourself. For example, I can be emotional
and insecure. I don’t mind admitting that. 2) Open Communication. Talk about
everything especially the uncomfortable things.
It’s the first step to making it better It is okay. 3) Keep the connection
with God. You need God for everything.
When God is in your relationship and you want to make it work, you will
make it.
Toni: 1) Prayer.
Be careful what you pray for, you might just get it. Pray with conviction, good
intention and be specific. 2) Love genuinely. People are different. They have
different needs. Try to make adjustments and be willing to change. Problems
occur in relationships, and sometimes the problem is you. Identify your issues.
When you look at self, sometimes it is not so pretty. 3) Always kiss, say good
night and say I love you.
What do you like most
about each other?
Toni: I love Arlene’s unconditional loyalty. I am OCD,
anal, mean and I have a bad tempter. But she loves me. She’s not afraid to say “Baby, can we look at this a different way?” She is good at managing conflict.
Arlene: I have never had anyone make me feel the way Toni
does. She not only makes me feel like
I’m the luckiest girl but like I’m the “only” girl in the world. That is priceless!!! Toni knows how to cater to my physical and
emotional needs like no one has ever done.
She makes me feel pretty.
(Interview conducted by SharRon Jamison)
Thank you, Toni and Arlene, for sharing your love with us. We appreciate your time, energy and generosity in helping us CREATE LOVE!
Be sure to nurture YOUR LOVE at the Create Love! Conference on February 16th...More info.
Much love to you,
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