Friday, January 30, 2015

Happy Couple Highlight: Kacey and Chwanda

Kacey Frierson
Chwanda Nixon

Jonesboro, Ga.

Hi ladies.  How long have you been together?  Chwanda: About 1,743 days (give or take a few days) which is about 4 years, 9 months, and 11 days up to today. Kacey: It’ll be 5 years in

Chwanda, wow…That’s says a lot that you know the exact number of days that you have been together. JSo, how did you two meet? Chwanda: We met at a comedy club that I (Chwanda) was an open mic host for. We actually had our first conversation talking at a mutual friends get together. Kacey: When we first met at the comedy club, it was just a “hi” and “bye” situation.  Nothing spectacular. She knew my sister and I went to the club with my sister.  Then a few months later we reconnected at a house party at a mutual friend’s house.

When you reconnected, what was the initial attraction? Kacey: For me it was her conversation. The way she spoke.  She was/is smart. And it came across in our conversations.  Plus she is a poet, so she has a gift with words. Chwanda: It would be Kacey's attentiveness to my needs, wants and to my every spoken word. It would be like there was no one else in the room or area around us. 
After being together for 4 years, what would you say is the key to the success of your relationship? Chwanda: For me, it’s the knowing that we are two different people who do things in two different ways and recognizing that we have to try and bring the two ways together to form an alliance and make it work. Agreeing to disagree and knowing that it is okay if we do disagree as long as our disagreements do not turn into arguments, fuss and fights…..  Our willingness to compromise in situations without causing changes to why we fell in love with each other. Kacey: Communication!! We talk about everything, from minor, major, sad, funny, serious, silly; it doesn’t matter. 

Agreeing to disagree is so important in relationships. Many times the ability to disagree respectfully challenges so many couples. How do you do it? How you deal with and face challenges that might come up in your relationship?  Kacey: By not letting things linger.  If you feel a certain way, you can be mad, sad, upset, whatever, but you have your moment to be in those feelings, but then you have to be able to let it go.  Harboring those ill feelings won’t change the situation.  Pout, figure out a solution, if there is one, and then move on.  Life is too short to dwell over things beyond your control. Chwanda: Well, first we pray and then we do our best to discuss everything and if we can’t come up with a solution mutually, we “Let go and Let God!”

As a minister, I believe that spirituality is important and vital to every aspect of our lives. What about you? What role does spirituality play in your relationship?ChwandaWe try to read our daily inspiration together every morning to get us going. We pray separately and together. I find that it helps to give me peace for the day!  Kacey has a lot of faith -that's one of the very things I found most attractive about her!  Kacey: I am very spiritual.  I do things that will lift my spirits and if I have nothing else, I have faith.  Tons of it!! Enough for my whole family.  I KNOW we are going to be alright no matter what gets thrown at us!  If nobody else has us, God has us! 

Spirituality is important. But what are your thoughts about sensuality. What role does sensuality play in your relationship? Kacey: Sensuality doesn’t always mean physical. I love my wife’s gift of gab…those words!! We have a bunch of children so we have to sneak it in where we can… words here, a touch there, a phone call, an email…all of those add passion and keeps the spark from going out. Chwanda: I am a very sensual person so I’m ALWAYS trying to touch and rub. I can NEVER get enough of her!

What I most admire about you ladies is that you are mothers who are loving OUT loud. But I almost admire that you are a blended family. How did you blend the families and what advice would give to other couples? Chwanda: Between us we have 7 kids.  They met and got along very well.  Once we were living together, it just went from there.  Advice I would give: be patient with each other because our teachings and how we raise our children are different but ultimately the parents have to be at a consensus in all that we do involving the children and the family. Kacey: We were VERY fortunate that all of the kids got along! With 7 kids’ personalities plus 2 adult personalities trying to mesh in 1 household is not without its difficulties.  Trying to agree on 1 movie, or 1 dinner or 1 family outing can be trying at times.  My advice: always be okay with compromise because everyone wants their voice to be heard and have things go their way. But with communication and compromise you can find a happy medium.

What advice would you give to other couples? Chwanda: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE AND COMMUNICATE! Talk to each other. Tell how you feel no matter how brutal it may seem or feel at the same time. Don’t get too defensive when your partner is being brutally honest with you! You need that because the moment you keep your true feelings inside and don’t express how you feel or don’t consider how each other feels, you will begin to lose your sense of self and the relationship will begin to slowly dissipate. Just watch how you talk to the person, be honest, but watch your tone and how you come to them. Don’t be sarcastic, do it with love; the love you had when you fell in love with them.  Kacey: Honesty is the best policy.  You have to tell it even if they don’t want to hear it because sometimes pure honesty can clear up situations and stop things from getting out of hand.  When you are honest with yourself about how you feel about a situation or circumstance, it becomes that more easy to be honest with your partner.   And sometimes in that honesty, your partner will have the same feeling.  Honesty makes it easier to resolve issues this way…or non-issues…lol

I love the idea of getting married in all of the states that support marriage equality. How did you come up with the idea about getting married in different states? And, how did you initiate the effort and get media attention?  Chwanda: I’ll let Kacey take that one…lol.  Kacey: I’m all about living the most epically awesome life EVER. You only get one.  So if you are going to do something, my advice, DO IT BIG!!  We had initially planned to just go to New York to get married after our civil union in Illinois (at the time marriage equality had not passed in Illinois).  But the timing did not work out with work and school schedules for us to go.  So I figured we could go for spring break because the kids are out of school and we could take off work.  As I was planning the trip to New York, another state passed marriage equality, then another. SO me and my grand ideas, I’m like, well we could get married in those other states too.  So I did my research and found requirements for each state and it took off from there.  To date we are legally married in New York, Connecticut, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Maryland, Massachusetts, Washington DC, New Jersey, Iowa and Illinois-11 times.

As far as media attention, I set up a website and then I did a lot of tweeting and posting on Facebook.  And from retweets on Twitter and shares on Facebook, different people started reaching out to us. That’s how the Out Magazine story came about.  The editor of the magazine saw it and reached out. I actually tweeted to Mo’Nique after I saw an interview of her movie where she stated she was ordained, and I asked her to marry us and she said YES! So we worked it out and she did us in Iowa. I try to make sure each wedding is unique in one way or another. With so many ideas in my head, there is NO TELLING what I may try to pull with the next set of weddings!  But I make sure I constantly update the website. I’m keeping track of the new marriage equality states and constantly mapping out our next route.   Not sure how long it will take but our plan is to do all 50 states!

Blended family, a national initiative, media attention…..When you reflect on your relationship, what has your relationship taught you most about yourself? Kacey: That I can actually put someone before think of someone other than me first.  I still have my moments but all my thoughts are what my wife would want to do or what would my wife think.  I love her enough to put her first.  Chwanda: That is hard to maintain some sense of aggressiveness when you are so sensitive…lol! {And}…. That I have to have love for myself in order to love someone else! I have to be honest with myself in order to be honest with someone in a relationship!

You Can Connect with Kacey and Chwanda:

We thank you for sharing your love with us at Create Love! Your story will encourage, inspire and uplift other couples. We wish you continued success and

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Imani Evans and SharRon Jamison

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